I just got a few more hours to wait. I went to Walmart and just got back. I have been isolating. I went to watch them work on the church. They are putting shingles on in the rain. I was hugging, Mo, my little snauzer because all the thunder was frightening him. We sure need this rain and it is pouring. I hope to see a rainbow. I love rainbows, duh, huh. :) I was out there just feeling it on my skin and it felt so nice. It has been so hot and dry here. I would go and get on the roof with them but I am afraid of heights. I am hanging in there and thanks for caring.
I thank you for each new day that you give me. I thank you for reminding me for who I was. I thank you for telling me where I am at. I thank you for truly seeing me as I am. I thank you for telling me when I am wrong. I thank you for not sparing my feelings in order to help me. I thank you for rejecting me when I am in denial. I thank you for giving me a choice to get better or worse. I thank you for trusting me with your feelings. I thank you for delivering me from myself. I thank you for letting me see someone like me. I thank you for making me human. I thank you for loving me when I was unlovable. I thank you for allowing me to help. I thank you for let live once again.
I guess I should ask what I am being committed to and should we both be committed to therapy afterwards, lol. :) I don't have trouble with committment but that word kind of scares me. I can stay with you for as long as we are both happy seems better but what would you term that?
My biggest peev is they want me to be honest, lol. They ask if I candle committment, lol. 22 years of counselling, meetings, shrinks, one on one sessions, group sessions. Try being on the hot seat while 50 people interrogate you and you have no option but to be honest or you won't get out of the room. I handled it. Committment. Twice married to the same person for many years. I wonder if I can handle that. Ever try to lie to 50 people and try to fool them all then you are better than I am cause I couldn't. Ever had your psyche probed until you couldn't find anything that wasn't known about you and you are an open book? It is scary. The hot seat was your admission to a halfway house and many didn't make it in Kansas. I don't like being controlled. I felt like I was a remote controlled toy in my second marriage to same wife. Can I play with the controller, too, I would like to ask? :)
Twin flames dancing in the dark. Each burns brightly from the other. If one goes out the other relights it. From a distance its looks as one but closer up you can see the twin flames. Alone the one flame may flicker out. But we see two flames dancing in the dark.
Angel that is a good question. I wish I had a good answer to go with your good question. Maybe this would make sense to you then. What would you do if you found someone as shy as you? Would take a chance that they may be right or would you expect rejection and stay as shy? What if the right one was here before you and has already left or is not here yet? :)
I had a sleepless week. I put myself through hell. In the words of my ex wife, "You bring it on yourself". She was right so many times. I like hearing that as much as my dad saying, "It sure feels better when it quits hurting". Would love to trade ex wife stories sometime, lol. :) Kind of like my ex wife was worser than yours to the tune of my daddy is bigger than your daddy. :) Actually my ex is still a very good lady but my attitude toward her changed for the better. You know I wonder if you change your ex wife for another ex wife would you do the trade or stick to the one you had. I personally would keep my ex wife because that way I know she would always be my ex wife. Kind of like an ex wife is better than no wife. :) Share if you want I am listening.
I wouldn't change one thing about my past relationships because they have taught me so much. But so much about my past relationship might not help me about future relationships. My daddy taught me how to swim by throwing me in the water and saying swim or drown. I thank him so much for doing that because that is the way life really is. He tried to make a man out of me but the boy in me wouldn't let him. He tried to toughen me up for the real world but I rebelled every step of the way. I try to protect the boy in me and when he is ready he will grow up. Roy
You're beautiful, solitaire. :) I like that dial the wrong number one. You know when you in a small town when you blink and miss town. I have a snauzer so I like the dog one, too. Then actually listens to what you say, aw thats really nice, isn't it. :) Oh, no, further thoughts? Lets just stay in that small town. :)
My dad had an Arkansas razorback on his arm and when he would flex it the pig would look like it was moving. :) I never liked identifying marks on me because I am paranoid. :)~~(:
I just came to a decision today after much soul searching that I deserve the right to love anybody just as much as I want. Love isn't a loaded gun to be fired at anybody. Love that is empty is worthless. I am full of love right now and I don't think that threatens anybody. I have conquered a lot of my demons. I am worthy of love and it feels really good. Love comes to those who wait. My problem is I am tired of waiting. I want the one who is right for me. I searched more today and found that I can't make anybody love me who doesn't love me. Waiting sucks but so do vacuum cleaners. (:
How can you be faithful to humanity when you feel the love for one? By keeping it to yourself and telling no one. Is it better to have loved someone for who they are even though they may not feel the same for you? I feel it is but I am not everyone. Are some people incapable of true love but only want a cheap facsimile? To each his own is what was always told to me. Even though I think I have been faithful to you all, I keep feeling to me I was unfaithful.
RainbowSlider Forum Posts (7,174)
Relapse And Recovery
I just got a few more hours to wait. I went to Walmart and just got back. I have been isolating. I went to watch them work on the church. They are putting shingles on in the rain. I was hugging, Mo, my little snauzer because all the thunder was frightening him. We sure need this rain and it is pouring. I hope to see a rainbow. I love rainbows, duh, huh. :) I was out there just feeling it on my skin and it felt so nice. It has been so hot and dry here. I would go and get on the roof with them but I am afraid of heights. I am hanging in there and thanks for caring.