I haven’t had home made rice pudding since I was a child, but that’s about to change. I have got one in the oven as I write. My excitement is growing as tangibly as the skin that is forming on the surface of my pudding. I just wish I had a pair of short trousers to wear when I eat it; that would really add the authentic touch to my trip back in time to those carefree childhood days.
They say that real men don’t eat rice pudding. Well I say be damned with being a real man, and give me the pudding.
I’ll report back later, providing I am not served other deserts in the meantime.
Anybody who knows me will tell you that, once I get started, I can talk about old railways tunnels until the cows come home. I know many people will roll their eyes at this, but that is because they just don’t realise the possibilities and potential of an abandoned tunnel. Did you know, for instance, that a railway tunnel can be converted into a portal direct to Hell? It isn’t even all that difficult. A team of six committed men have been known to complete such a conversion over a weekend. Even tunnels that are not suitable for conversion to portals have a use; they come in very handy as overflow storage for abducted children.
The tunnel portals do not, of course, facilitate movement between our world and the lower one on a large scale, but they form a very important part of a growing communication network. In order to achieve our ultimate ambition, it is vital that there is unrestricted liaison between the two domains. When the day of The Coming arrives, the armies of Satan will enter our world through the Great Portal, of course, which is located at Cern.
If you liked this blog, please press the subscribe button, and be sure not to miss my next one, where I will talk about how Satan will use the 5G network to send out pulse waves of pure evil to subdue the resisting masses when he finally reclaims his place as Lord and Ruler of the Earth.
I am sick of seeing all the wanton destruction being wrought upon our treasured statues. It is about time we showed the perpetrators of these acts of vandalism how it feels to have your heritage assaulted. As much as I deplore destructive behaviour, I am sorely tempted to advocate the same treatment against statues of black people. That would hopefully be a sobering lesson to the out-of-control mobs wandering the streets in search of things to demolish.
Of course, we would first have to erect these statues before we could start pulling them down.
Let's see who can think of the most ridiculous effect brought about by a Covid vaccine. I know the best ones have already been thought of in other blogs, so this is a sort of best-of-the-rest exercise. My tip is to approach this game as if you were a complete idiot, and thereby try to think like one. There are no prizes, this is just for a bit of fun.
They just found out that Covid vaccines cause body parts to fall off. Different vaccine, different part. With Pfizer, your ears are gonna drop off. Maybe not today; maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. With AstraZeneca you can say goodbye to your feet 2 years down the line. You can download a full list from the Dark Web.
Don't believe it? Just ask the guy with the face like a hog, he's always round here somewhere, warning y'all about them there vaccines; he'll tell ya. That guy deserves a medal, he done devoted his whole Godamn life to warning y'all about em.
I am slightly embarrassed to divulge what I am about to tell you, and not least because of the ridicule I am bound to be showered with upon doing it. But, regardless, and also without really knowing why, I am resolved to tell it. I have a very strong, almost overwhelming urge to run into the middle of my local High Street, stark naked, and shout out at the top of my voice, “look at me, I’m butt naked and I don’t give a damn”.
That proclamation wouldn’t be entirely true, though, because I would give a damn. That is to say that I would give a damn about having to show my face in my community afterwards. I think it would only be possible if I could show some form of justification for my behaviour.
If I could get somebody to dare me to do it, then I think I could pass it off as an act of bravery, rather than one of depravity. And if I could make it a dare involving a bet, I could also make a financial profit out of it. I get to satisfy my unwholesome desire, I come out of it looking like a real dare devil, and I earn a bit of money on top. Cool. But how do I get somebody to dare me to do it and make it seem like it is entirely their idea?
If you happen to be one of the loudmouths round here, browbeating anyone who will listen to you into believing that Covid vaccines are dangerous, does it never even twinge your conscience slightly that someone could die because of you? Some people may well have a bad reaction to the vaccine, but the number of people who have died from Covid because they hadn't had the vaccine is infinitely greater.
You may be an armchair medical expert who's seen a few crackpot anti vax videos, and read some Mickey Mouse articles on the internet, and if you believe the crap they tell you, don't have the vaccine, but who do you think you are to take it upon yourself to influence others in their decision whether to have it?
For God's sake, do what you like with your own health, but leave everyone else alone to come to their own decisions themselves.
Should the UK adopt a no haunting policy, and impose a complete ban on ghosts.
I say yes, outlaw them, and reclaim the night!
Try as I might, I just can’t come up with a quick and easy way of conjuring up an entity from the underworld. A simple method that doesn’t require loads of paraphernalia and hours of chanting nonsense. That’s all I ask.
It’s not like I want to evoke Satan himself. Some minor, lower ranking demon is all I need for the little job I have in mind. I mean, it costs a fortune just for the candles. Those ordinary thin candles that you get from the supermarket won’t do. No, they have to be great fat red things that look like they’re bleeding as they melt.
Then you have to find a suitable building to perform the ritual, which has to look at least a little bit gothic. There can be Hell to pay if you get that wrong. I remember summoning up something really ugly at home one time, and it was absolutely furious when it realised that I had forced it to materialise in my garden shed. I won’t be doing that again.
Anyway, I’m sorry for using my first post here for letting of steam like this, but I had to get it out of my system.
Harbottle Blog (33)