No more Italy and Iran.....

...or at least Italians and Persians? At the fastidious Vierk Institute, we have our own environMENTAL and infectious disease epidemiologists, broad thinkers, all. For some time now, this group has been warning about a world pandemic possibly beginning, at least in regions of the world that really count (ie, where I live), with micro epidemics. Using sophomoric pseudo sophisticated biostatistical techniques, such as pioneering transformation of Poisson distributions to select high powered sample sizes and study populations in nested case control designs, multiple control groups, and dose effect parameters, we see worrying initial results. The case fatality rates in both countries exceeds even that in SARS and viral outbreaks in countries that really don't count as much, as in parts of the sub Saharan Dark Incontinent. And careful contact tracking shows many cases with no identifies sources of infection. Our multivariable ANALytic methods to control for potential confounders (such as daily consumption of pasta and cannolis, and praying six times daily, after some old bearded guy in a high tower), and to estimate measures of effect, paint a grim picture indeed. We have solutions, to head off such threats in these two countries. In fact, our Chiefs of Financial Operations, Messers Dewee, Cheatem and Howe, in our shameless division of Raking It In, sent personal letters on this offer of assistance to high government and even religious leaders, (including bearded homies of Allah himself, peace be upon all), we are quite confident on our chances for success, as we relied heavily on both Presidents Trump and Bubba Bush as consultants, both men clearly somehow at the bottom of the growing epidemics, as all will know. We are making this pubic heath offer as with our proven remedies for Trump Derangement-Hilary Deficit Syndromes, ie, dollar fees with lots of zeros, and on a cash upfront only basis. Trust us, we are not like all those others. Stay tuned.