CDC reacts to Mike Pence
Fom The New Yorker;In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
C.D.C. Director Says Coronavirus Effort Could Be Helped by Quarantining Pence
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said on Friday that significant progress in battling the coronavirus could be achieved by quarantining Mike Pence.
Speaking to lawmakers on Capitol Hill, the C.D.C. director said that, given Pence’s record as a science denier who mishandled an AIDS outbreak while he was the governor of Indiana, an immediate quarantine of the Vice-President was “an essential first step.”
“Mike Pence should be sealed off in a secure area, where he will have no access to a phone or computer,” the director said. “That will go a long way toward containing the harm he might otherwise cause.”
The C.D.C. chief added that there were a number of places ideal for quarantining Pence, all of them in Antarctica.
Shortly after the C.D.C. director’s testimony, Pence forcefully took issue with the assessment. “The threat I pose to the nation has been wildly overstated
, and I do not know how to use a computer 
,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian,
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
C.D.C. Director Says Coronavirus Effort Could Be Helped by Quarantining Pence
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said on Friday that significant progress in battling the coronavirus could be achieved by quarantining Mike Pence.
Speaking to lawmakers on Capitol Hill, the C.D.C. director said that, given Pence’s record as a science denier who mishandled an AIDS outbreak while he was the governor of Indiana, an immediate quarantine of the Vice-President was “an essential first step.”
“Mike Pence should be sealed off in a secure area, where he will have no access to a phone or computer,” the director said. “That will go a long way toward containing the harm he might otherwise cause.”
The C.D.C. chief added that there were a number of places ideal for quarantining Pence, all of them in Antarctica.
Shortly after the C.D.C. director’s testimony, Pence forcefully took issue with the assessment. “The threat I pose to the nation has been wildly overstated
, and I do not know how to use a computer ,” he said.Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian,
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Comments (3)
But, we knew he would make horrible choices, given his lifelong history. Unfortunately, some voters will also repeat their horrible choice, the worst ever, for president in November. Hopefully enough of them are at least smart enough to learn from their horrible mistake and not repeat it. Of course, time will tell.