THE INCONTINENCE DIARIES OF OMA EV AND OMA SAS

My friend Oma Eveline asked me to go on holiday with her in Istanbul , we got back a few weeks ago.
Oma Ev is a wonderful Dutch friend living in Australia , the last holiday together , was to Egypt with another great friend of ours Sandy who used to be a boy. Sandy is older than both of us but still got a body to die for , Sandy is not an Oma (grandma) yet , I don't think she ever will be due to the fact that not all of her girly parts are working properly , if you get what i mean . If you saw her apart from the fact that she's been botoxed to death almost , and has those puffy lips that would give a trout a run for its money , our friend Sandy is a great looking gal of about 70. When she dances , young guys just love her, she's got that ""come here sonny i wanna give you a blowey right now " look in her eyes. Ok where was I , oh yes ,me and Oma Ev in istanbul… So Ev's got a bit of an embarrassing problem ,( and so do I , and so do lots of you, ) she pees her pants when she laughs or coughs.

So after a few great days in Amsterdam, some trying hard to get wiff s of dope wafting from some bleary eyed gunja smoker dawdling aimlessly down a back street in the Jordaan, and commiserating together that the girly in the window business must have also been hit hard by the global recession , so many windows were vacant and up for lease ….. We headed off to Istanbul on an economy flight , a pack of incontinent panties of the disposable kind packed just in case … Now just to put u in the picture here , my friend Oma Ev, god love her, is Jewish , so she likes to be careful with her money , and she's also Dutch , so thats like double frugal with money….. Thats no problem for me I grew up poor… and i will probably die poor , because I spend a lot of money travelling and buying handbags and sailing and other stuff . Now where was I ( apart from incontinence i also got memory loss , so sorry folks bear with me , this blog has a riveting ending to it)
When we arrive , Oma Ev thinks that a taxi fare to the hotel in Sultanhamet could be saved to buy better things ( like a kebab dinner with real meat ) by taking public transport. So, After a tram , bus, shanks pony, a few beers, getting lost , laughing too much, and the Oma's looking for toilets , or a quiet place behind a big wheelie bin to do the business , we arrived at our budget hotel , The plane ride was 3 hours , the trip from airport to hotel was 3 hours……Ev told me to book budget hotel so budget i booked …she wanted to have plenty of funds to buy her grandkids nice fridge magnets ……only to have Ev, when we rocked up ,wet her pants with laughter again at the sight of it……..course the suggestion by me that for only $500 extra a night we could have stayed at the Four Seasons in comfort and had free airport pickup in 30 minutes was not amusing to her at all. I think she was cursing one side of her heritage at that point for her ingrained thriftiness , but i am not sure which side ….