THIS IS A SERIOUS BLOG
ELDERS ABUSE AND NEGLECTI’ve just read an article about abuses and neglects of helpless elders. It’s heart breaking, they are our mother, our father, our aunts, uncles and neighbors. Why many people have turned their back and forgot their elders?
Are they that busy…is it cultural ? or is it selfishness?
I came from a society where in general , parents raise their children with love and taught them how to love and care for their elders and that one day it's our turn to take care of them. With some exceptions, we don’t leave them in “home “ for the aged and let others professionally “care” them . NO, we love our elders and do our best to care them and make them feel so loved. We take our aunts and uncles in our home if they have no kids to care them, even our friends and neighbors. We feel it’s our turn to care and love them as they cared us when we weren’t able to look after ourselves.
Until their last days, we look up to them, they remain to be the king and queen of our household…not a resident of any care facilities.
I love and respect my elders.
I know with all my heart that my son will do the same for me one day.
Comments (38)
Mankind should learn a lesson. Though not that pronounced here in India but showing the symptoms. Say the care is weighed by the material gains.
Who knows? You can be well cared or may not be? And may be you don't need!
I don't want to burden my kids so I will go into a home! I know they will visit me often and if a nurse (female) gives me a bad time I will smooch her cheek. If a male nurse gives me a bad time I will kick him in the knee!
I'm ready!!!!
My grandparents enjoyed their old age, sorrounded by their grandchildren. My great grand mother died at age 105, her children take turns to have her, he loved having her around and we, her great grandchildren were there to care her and sleep beside her. Our elders passed away with their children and grandchildren beside them holding their hands till their last breath. We never leave our family member alone
That's one reason...people are too busy ...wanting more and more material things and forgotten the most important gift in life...FAMILY!
sorry but i disagree with this your post...
That's one reason...people are too busy ...wanting more and more material things and forgotten the most important gift in life...FAMILY!
If only caring and minding always came so easy...
but saddly and realistically life is not alway that way.
so don't be so quick to judge them that may not always have a choice in such matters.
Great age...almost 100!
nursing home won't be that bad if they provide good care and facilities there ...and most of all frequent visits of your family.
I will never allow my parents to be put there. My mom and dad has a comfortable home sorrounded by their grandchildren and one of my brother decided to give up his job and find one closer to our parents and built a house beside mom and dad so he and his wife can look after them. My niece and nephew live with my mom and dad so they can run their errands and clean for them. I'm far from them but I'm not worried cos I know they are ok and happy there.
If it's me, I am with Ed on this one. I am ready to stay in such "HOME". But I would NEVER send my parents to such HOME. My Father would always be the King in my castle.. (my Mom passed away some years ago).
Yes, I can understand that we wouldn't want to burden our children one day...but I believe it's our children's choice , if they would want us to grow old comfortably or pass us to some carer. I believe this is the time we will find out what kind of children we raised, what kind of person they became , and if we did a good job in raising them? If we did great as their parents?
and my apologies to you for my other comment, but i didnt relise it was a reply to another member..thought you were making a judgement call.
But you know, some people do deserve to be left alone, no matter what age...there could be two sides as to why some are, but only the one side is seen when one is old and grey.
When my mother in law was hospitalized for almost a week in Sweden, the elder lady in the same room with her cried and told her how lucky she was that her children and grandchildren were there with her everyday and this elder woman didn't know where her son and daughter , she said they are busy somewhere and haven't seen them for years...
my brother in law in Denmark, had to call police as he noticed an awful smell beside their house. Their neighbor , an old man lived there alone and died alone, police broke down the door and found him already rotten...it's heart breaking, how could one die like that? They didn't even know where to find his family
Yes, maybe there are reasons that are others are left alone...but we are human , with conscience .
My bf's mom lives alone in her house in Scotland, some months ago she had hip surgery and a neighbor goes to help her on daily basis. When my bf was still here, I asked him to bring her over and I would love to look after her. He refused , said he won't be comfortable.
Last time he was here, he told me he's worried when he's old and who will look after him...I grinned and told him I will be there for him...unless I die first
I always nag him to call and check on his mother and go home there and spend time with her...she's almost 90.
But i know where your coming from....
its nice to be nice, even more to our elderly ones
According to him she was a great littlle home-maker, treated him well but very demanding of him to always earn more money or go into the bush on rare days off in sometimes the worst weather to cut timber for the wood heater to save paying for electricity.
Because he lived close to work I often gave him a lift home only to find her waiting at the gate with his car keys and packed dinner for him to go to his next job....
....
You won't be alone in your old age, you'll have grandkids around you. You'll go back home one day and live beside your son, I'm sure he will never let you live far from him, not knowing how you are . It's our culture and tradition...
It's also one of the thing that I admire here...very close family bond. I don't think I will live with my son when I'm old one day and he has his own family but I already know that he will never let me live alone and helpless.
My mother in law passed away last December...even after the divorce, I went to visit her , nothing changed with my relationship with her even after her son and I divorced. She's my son's grandma and I was happy to go there , cook for her, bake some cake for her and sit with her as if the divorce didn't happened. She was very fond of me...I still feel that big void inside me every time I remember her, it's her birthday yesterday.
Those are what they called "social climber ", is it right? Many people are ready to do anything for money ...anything, what a shame
I think ken is right...in regards to nursing homes and the amount of money it takes to afford a decent one...the problem of budget comes to mind...limited food and staffing...makes it difficult to provide excellent care...over worked staff leads to apathy...not always but money is definitely a factor...
In a government elder care home...I have heard that it is not unusual that the elderly are turned and changed (diapers) once a shift...their shower once a week...can you imagine?...but if you can afford better care...you will probably work double shifts to accommodate the facility expenses and provide for your own family hence, no time to visit...
Perhaps if you live outside a place like Vancouver it would be possible but my city is very expensive...my parents live 500 miles away but fortunately they still have their health and require no help...I am glad that they still have their independence...
Good blog topic crazy!!
Chances are you are going to age well...just look after yourself...and if you have the means...spend it on a retirement community...but I get it...no one wants to be a burden...and culture has a lot to do with it...East versus West...perhaps finding someone more youthful is the answer?...
I don't know what else to say ...
Shoot you?
I've heard stories like that... but that has be another blog.p
You're story is what this blog is all about...
How many people these days will do what you are doing?
I don't want to turn this blog into something else... I'd like to stay on my topic please, just this once.
I'm sure with all my heart that Louis will not turn his back on you one day..you are a great father to him. You reap what you sow .
If we are neighbors, I won't mind cooking you some curry one day, if I'm still around
How is she doing now ? Our elders are very lucky, they are well cared and very much loved ...I hope our cultures will live forever ...
Later, 30 years later, I took care of Mom who also had a brain tumor and was, er.., a little off in thinking.
I can say with honesty, the temptation did exist to warehouse both of them.
I'm close to my mum and admire that she purposely built up different relationships to my dad and us. She is nothing like her.
I'm living in another country and try to spend as much time as possible with her when visiting home. My siblings live next door and will look after her as much as possible, should she need help one day, there is the option of carers dropping in to help.
She said herself that if she goes gaga (she is worried about that as 2 neighbours are getting / having Alzheimers) she wants us to put her into care if she isn't in her mind anymore. I hope this won't be happening. She did so much for us, it's our turn some day.
In many situations we have to be realistic in order to do the right thing. Sometimes , too deep and too much emotional could keep us from doing the sensible thing...
We are human with weaknesses, sometimes can't help thinking of taking the easiest options ...we have limits too, we're not saints...
I haven't experienced living with a sick grandmother like that but I can imagine how hard it was for you and your family... So your last comment didn't surprised me at all.
Yes, one day it's our turn... Let's just hope that we can give them our best too.
I'll