Something Went Wrong ( Archived) (210)

Snuggs09: I have mentioned that I lost a lot of weight and wanted to lose more for my 50 year class reunion in April 2010.

On the way home from work yesterday, I stopped at the grocery store for milk and wound up buying more junk then you can imagine. I don’t know why. I just did it. As I put each item in the basket I knew what I was doing, but didn’t care. My kitchen cabinets and freezer are full of things I shouldn’t eat if I want to lose weight. I prided myself on the weight loss because I did it for myself, not for a man, not to be able to wear size 2. I did it to get healthy. I thought it would make me happy.

When I put the bags of food in the car I said to myself, you know you shouldn’t have done this. Why did you do it? And then I said…I don’t care anymore.

I have done this before and after eating only a little bit I threw the rest out or brought it to work for them to enjoy. That isn’t going to happen this time. This is more then falling off the wagon. I feel myself spiraling out of control back to obesity. It’s easier to let myself get fat again then to worry about what not to eat. A very weak minded person.

I’ve lost my discipline and willpower. My diet worked in 2004 when I lost 126 lbs. I gained a few pounds back and started it again but the willpower isn’t the same. In 2004 my last boyfriend hadn’t come into my life yet. I still had money in the bank and my self-esteem. But he took everything and has ruined my life. There’s no other way to say it. We’re supposed to get over boyfriends and girlfriends hurting us. I am letting the memory of this man destroy me again.

I blame everything on my past and the life I’m forced into now. Food has always been my drug of comfort. It’s no different than alcohol or heroin. Can you imagine food driving a person to the depths of despair? Wishing you were dead. Wishing you didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

I’m ashamed that I’m writing this thread. Embarrassed. Probably will disappear. I feel worthless. Only way I’m useful is in my job and I hate that. I truly feel like a failure. I gave birth to a daughter who is very successful in society. She doesn’t have any patience with me for being weak and believe me, it hurts. And truth be told, I don't have patience with myself.

Today is my 67th birthday. It’s shocking isn’t it that a woman my age, who has so much to say in the threads, can’t get a grip on her own life?

I have so many excuses why this happened to me. I’m the queen of excuses. Yesterday it was a confrontation with my boss. The day before it was bad news that my car is almost dead. Three weeks ago I had bronchitis which I’m still not over. Tomorrow it will be something else. How do you people here in the threads handle it all.

I envy SensualVixen for her crazy sense of humor; Robbie for his knowledge; Morgan for her confidence, Dru for her courage to put her past behind her. I appreciate Ambrose for his understanding and fairness and of course Vinny for his support many times. Laura, SweetOwen, Rodolpho, LadyFingers, Mercedes always friendly and with a good attitude. You'd never know if they are also dealing with problems. They just do. There are many others who have befriended me and I hope they don’t feel left out if I didn’t mention their name.

I just wish I was somebody else.

rohaan: Did you or did you not mention that you buy food even though your cupboards are full? If I somehow am mistaken, accept my apologies.

kitty01: I can relate with how you feel. I have been struggling with my weight for years now and wish I could stay away from all the junk food. I have done good in the past too, but cannot seem to get there again. I have the bad habit if I start, I finish it all. I will continue even though I know that the junk will make me sick the next day and I will feel awful and be on the toilet with bad pains most of the day, now that is bad.

I have thought about seeing if getting hypnotized will help.

Have a good birthday and worry tomorrow

littlewolf: Gee I am sorry ur having such a bad time.I was 68 in Mar,I stayed in bed half the day trying to ignore it.U and hopefloats and I have more in common than i realized.I heard someone say the other day,if all u have is memories and not a vision.Ur leaving in the past instead of looking ahead.It really made me think.Ur a strong beautiful woman and u will be alright.People our age have dealth with a lot.Happy Birthday

Snuggs09: Belated birthday wishes to you. Thank goodness, someone older than me Living in the past is easy even though it tears me apart. The future is scary cause it could be worse.

Snuggs09: I have mentioned that I lost a lot of weight and wanted to lose more for my 50 year class reunion in April 2010.

On the way home from work yesterday, I stopped at the grocery store for milk and wound up buying more junk then you can imagine. I don’t know why. I just did it. As I put each item in the basket I knew what I was doing, but didn’t care. My kitchen cabinets and freezer are full of things I shouldn’t eat if I want to lose weight. I prided myself on the weight loss because I did it for myself, not for a man, not to be able to wear size 2. I did it to get healthy. I thought it would make me happy.

When I put the bags of food in the car I said to myself, you know you shouldn’t have done this. Why did you do it? And then I said…I don’t care anymore.

I have done this before and after eating only a little bit I threw the rest out or brought it to work for them to enjoy. That isn’t going to happen this time. This is more then falling off the wagon. I feel myself spiraling out of control back to obesity. It’s easier to let myself get fat again then to worry about what not to eat. A very weak minded person.

I’ve lost my discipline and willpower. My diet worked in 2004 when I lost 126 lbs. I gained a few pounds back and started it again but the willpower isn’t the same. In 2004 my last boyfriend hadn’t come into my life yet. I still had money in the bank and my self-esteem. But he took everything and has ruined my life. There’s no other way to say it. We’re supposed to get over boyfriends and girlfriends hurting us. I am letting the memory of this man destroy me again.

I blame everything on my past and the life I’m forced into now. Food has always been my drug of comfort. It’s no different than alcohol or heroin. Can you imagine food driving a person to the depths of despair? Wishing you were dead. Wishing you didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

I’m ashamed that I’m writing this thread. Embarrassed. Probably will disappear. I feel worthless. Only way I’m useful is in my job and I hate that. I truly feel like a failure. I gave birth to a daughter who is very successful in society. She doesn’t have any patience with me for being weak and believe me, it hurts. And truth be told, I don't have patience with myself.

Today is my 67th birthday. It’s shocking isn’t it that a woman my age, who has so much to say in the threads, can’t get a grip on her own life?

I have so many excuses why this happened to me. I’m the queen of excuses. Yesterday it was a confrontation with my boss. The day before it was bad news that my car is almost dead. Three weeks ago I had bronchitis which I’m still not over. Tomorrow it will be something else. How do you people here in the threads handle it all.

I envy SensualVixen for her crazy sense of humor; Robbie for his knowledge; Morgan for her confidence, Dru for her courage to put her past behind her. I appreciate Ambrose for his understanding and fairness and of course Vinny for his support many times. Laura, SweetOwen, Rodolpho, LadyFingers, Mercedes always friendly and with a good attitude. You'd never know if they are also dealing with problems. They just do. There are many others who have befriended me and I hope they don’t feel left out if I didn’t mention their name.

I just wish I was somebody else.