Something Went Wrong ( Archived) (210)

breda: put on your coat and go for a walk,i lost my husband 4 years ao, 2 years LATER my son a lorry driver drove on to a site and a 2 year old child ran in front of the lorry,killing her,it wasnt his fault but he have to live with it,we all have to live with it,he have 2 little boys of his own.HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIFE IS HARD.BREDA

Snuggs09: I have mentioned that I lost a lot of weight and wanted to lose more for my 50 year class reunion in April 2010.

On the way home from work yesterday, I stopped at the grocery store for milk and wound up buying more junk then you can imagine. I don’t know why. I just did it. As I put each item in the basket I knew what I was doing, but didn’t care. My kitchen cabinets and freezer are full of things I shouldn’t eat if I want to lose weight. I prided myself on the weight loss because I did it for myself, not for a man, not to be able to wear size 2. I did it to get healthy. I thought it would make me happy.

When I put the bags of food in the car I said to myself, you know you shouldn’t have done this. Why did you do it? And then I said…I don’t care anymore.

I have done this before and after eating only a little bit I threw the rest out or brought it to work for them to enjoy. That isn’t going to happen this time. This is more then falling off the wagon. I feel myself spiraling out of control back to obesity. It’s easier to let myself get fat again then to worry about what not to eat. A very weak minded person.

I’ve lost my discipline and willpower. My diet worked in 2004 when I lost 126 lbs. I gained a few pounds back and started it again but the willpower isn’t the same. In 2004 my last boyfriend hadn’t come into my life yet. I still had money in the bank and my self-esteem. But he took everything and has ruined my life. There’s no other way to say it. We’re supposed to get over boyfriends and girlfriends hurting us. I am letting the memory of this man destroy me again.

I blame everything on my past and the life I’m forced into now. Food has always been my drug of comfort. It’s no different than alcohol or heroin. Can you imagine food driving a person to the depths of despair? Wishing you were dead. Wishing you didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

I’m ashamed that I’m writing this thread. Embarrassed. Probably will disappear. I feel worthless. Only way I’m useful is in my job and I hate that. I truly feel like a failure. I gave birth to a daughter who is very successful in society. She doesn’t have any patience with me for being weak and believe me, it hurts. And truth be told, I don't have patience with myself.

Today is my 67th birthday. It’s shocking isn’t it that a woman my age, who has so much to say in the threads, can’t get a grip on her own life?

I have so many excuses why this happened to me. I’m the queen of excuses. Yesterday it was a confrontation with my boss. The day before it was bad news that my car is almost dead. Three weeks ago I had bronchitis which I’m still not over. Tomorrow it will be something else. How do you people here in the threads handle it all.

I envy SensualVixen for her crazy sense of humor; Robbie for his knowledge; Morgan for her confidence, Dru for her courage to put her past behind her. I appreciate Ambrose for his understanding and fairness and of course Vinny for his support many times. Laura, SweetOwen, Rodolpho, LadyFingers, Mercedes always friendly and with a good attitude. You'd never know if they are also dealing with problems. They just do. There are many others who have befriended me and I hope they don’t feel left out if I didn’t mention their name.

I just wish I was somebody else.

slim1977: I very seldom talk about it, but I figure in this instance it is waranted. every day is a fight for me, too much stress puts me in the hospital, I live every day wondering if I have cancer, I am dislexic. relating to jeepers post earlier, a couple of weeks ago I lost 10 lbs. I am 135 and 6' tall so I dont have much to give up. this took a geat deal of my energy. as I said earlier I spent a good deal of time not being good enough, in the shadow of my "perfict" brother. I have a condition that I live with every day, it dictates were I go and how I live, but as I said, I still have good in me to give others. eveyone has good you just have to see it. I know that in comparison, these things seem small to the things you have had to deal with. when I was younger I almost died, lived with an iliostmy for three years, thought I had 6 years to live, and was told so. what I am getting at is this, we all have the power to overcome our past, accept it and move forward fresh. I chose to forgive, accept, and grow from my experiences. to learn what could be. and promised not to make the same mistakes.

Slim

Snuggs09: Agree with you Slim. And I have overcome it....when I was in love. Love is powerful. You know that. You just got married to a super lady. Love gets a hold of you and when the bond is broken, you too are broken. If I could talk the walks that people have suggested, take on a better attitude and be appreciative of what I have, etc., don't you think I would have done it by now.

For the past several months the diet worked. I knew I was kidding myself that I was strong, but I hung in there and tried to convince myself that it will work.

This is not right what I'm doing to you guys in this thread.

livinglarge: Wow I feel for you ,Merk has given a lot of herself in this thread to help you .Listen to her .

I am sorry you have issues around food . It can't be easy . However you could be doing a lot worse than comfort eating. Ok so you ate the third burger ,please don't beat yourself up about it, it may make you gorge altogether .

If you want to be another person ,by all means be ,but you are fine and IMO just need to acept the hand life has dealt you and move on.You are worthy of happiness .

I do urge you to listen to Merk

Laura25: Thanks for posting it, brave lady!
I don't have guts for posting my 'I-haves'.
And thanks for showing us all that the past is the past, and it's up to you (to a degree) how you conduct your present and future.

Snuggs09: Agree with you Slim. And I have overcome it....when I was in love. Love is powerful. You know that. You just got married to a super lady. Love gets a hold of you and when the bond is broken, you too are broken. If I could talk the walks that people have suggested, take on a better attitude and be appreciative of what I have, etc., don't you think I would have done it by now.

For the past several months the diet worked. I knew I was kidding myself that I was strong, but I hung in there and tried to convince myself that it will work.

This is not right what I'm doing to you guys in this thread.

Snuggs09: I have mentioned that I lost a lot of weight and wanted to lose more for my 50 year class reunion in April 2010.

On the way home from work yesterday, I stopped at the grocery store for milk and wound up buying more junk then you can imagine. I don’t know why. I just did it. As I put each item in the basket I knew what I was doing, but didn’t care. My kitchen cabinets and freezer are full of things I shouldn’t eat if I want to lose weight. I prided myself on the weight loss because I did it for myself, not for a man, not to be able to wear size 2. I did it to get healthy. I thought it would make me happy.

When I put the bags of food in the car I said to myself, you know you shouldn’t have done this. Why did you do it? And then I said…I don’t care anymore.

I have done this before and after eating only a little bit I threw the rest out or brought it to work for them to enjoy. That isn’t going to happen this time. This is more then falling off the wagon. I feel myself spiraling out of control back to obesity. It’s easier to let myself get fat again then to worry about what not to eat. A very weak minded person.

I’ve lost my discipline and willpower. My diet worked in 2004 when I lost 126 lbs. I gained a few pounds back and started it again but the willpower isn’t the same. In 2004 my last boyfriend hadn’t come into my life yet. I still had money in the bank and my self-esteem. But he took everything and has ruined my life. There’s no other way to say it. We’re supposed to get over boyfriends and girlfriends hurting us. I am letting the memory of this man destroy me again.

I blame everything on my past and the life I’m forced into now. Food has always been my drug of comfort. It’s no different than alcohol or heroin. Can you imagine food driving a person to the depths of despair? Wishing you were dead. Wishing you didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

I’m ashamed that I’m writing this thread. Embarrassed. Probably will disappear. I feel worthless. Only way I’m useful is in my job and I hate that. I truly feel like a failure. I gave birth to a daughter who is very successful in society. She doesn’t have any patience with me for being weak and believe me, it hurts. And truth be told, I don't have patience with myself.

Today is my 67th birthday. It’s shocking isn’t it that a woman my age, who has so much to say in the threads, can’t get a grip on her own life?

I have so many excuses why this happened to me. I’m the queen of excuses. Yesterday it was a confrontation with my boss. The day before it was bad news that my car is almost dead. Three weeks ago I had bronchitis which I’m still not over. Tomorrow it will be something else. How do you people here in the threads handle it all.

I envy SensualVixen for her crazy sense of humor; Robbie for his knowledge; Morgan for her confidence, Dru for her courage to put her past behind her. I appreciate Ambrose for his understanding and fairness and of course Vinny for his support many times. Laura, SweetOwen, Rodolpho, LadyFingers, Mercedes always friendly and with a good attitude. You'd never know if they are also dealing with problems. They just do. There are many others who have befriended me and I hope they don’t feel left out if I didn’t mention their name.

I just wish I was somebody else.

hopefloats: Thanks LL. I've never been this open before. And it will be the last.