How do you help someone slow down? ( Archived) (78)

Hehehe... glad you liked it. I had a cram session in Paint Shop just for youuuuuuuuuuu lmao.

*starts sling'n fresh cookies at everybody

Hope you didnt get them mixed up with the XLAX ones

That's right. I made the same mistake awhile ago and I lost him. If your girl feels as much for you as I did for this guy then it's really tough telling her to slow down. Except he didn't mail me for weeks on end, is that someones way of trying to give them the message. I wouldn't do this. Speaking from experience, I only mailed him even more, it was ridiculous in the end, it was all coming from me and this guy told me to slow down but I wouldn't listen to him. In the end he ended it. Keep your girl happy but don't exclude her from your life entirely. Women are different to men, keep that in mind. Women want to be around a guy or in his life 24/7 and most guys don't want that. For one I have learned this the hard way.

Good luck to you both.

Well, if you have been totally honest, and your friend is intelligent as you say, she knows that she should tread carefully and slowly if the relationship is to continue.

Unfortunately, possessiveness and or jealousy, can be a fundamental character flaw regardless of intelligence, unlike the pangs we all feel from time to time and deal with. I don't know your friend so I'm not making any assumptions here, just speaking generally.

I had a similar experience, but the possessiveness displayed by this man, which was flattering initially I admit, turned into an ugly and destructive jealousy over a period of time. He was unable to accept me, my friends, and my work without feeling threatened that I would leave....so I did eventually.

Be kind but firm and continue enjoying your time with her.

Not much help, sorry, but at the end of the day there are only two of you in this relationship.

Star made some very good points. The fwb situation is often lopsided. One often hopes that the other will want a real relationship...an exclusive, lasting one.
Match, I have been where you are and it isn't fun, is it? I mean, you really do care for her but you aren't wanting to go as fast (and maybe as far) as she does, and that's uncomfortable. The last time I was in a similar situation, I ended up ultimately having to totally end the relationship. I'm not saying that this is your fate; every situation is different. But in my case, I could never seem to get him to understand (or, accept) what I was feeling. I told him that he was coming on too strong and that I needed him to slow down a bit. He didn't....I guess, like one woman said, he couldn't. He was suffocating me. I tried hard not to hurt him, but I know that I ultimately did.
Your basic question...how do I help her slow down a bit? Like others have said, tell her what you are feeling...and be sure to include the part where you said "I love being with her and have feelings...happy to be off to a good start." Hopefully she can manage to pace herself a bit, but right now she is just feeling what many of us love to feel...hopeful, happy, and giddy.
I haven't really said anything of use, but I wanted to respond, anyway. I hope that it all works out for you, whatever happens...I wish the best for you.

hey dude you need to put the brakes on there.

i say tread lightly
if its right
your pace will be matched

---

Oo nice Mindful.. I LIKE that.

Hmm at the moment I'm not sure what to suggest UnMatch..

But I know for me it would make me run a mile.

That's a tough call, UnMatch. I see you've got some good advice here -- the Exlax and pepper spray were certainly inspired .

How can you say what needs to be said without insulting her? I think you should say it, nonetheless, as others here have suggested. She will be hurt, and perhaps slow down as a result, which could be a good thing. A small splash of slightly painful reality might be just what the doctor ordered at this point.

The true conundrum here, of course, is that the unmatchable person doesn't appear to be so unmatchable after all.

Unmatchable hon sounds like you just answered your own question. Your in a situation you don't want.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to her about anything on earth...your in the WRONG relationship. If you DID go forward with her the way your feeling the relationship would be destroyed in a very short time.

Both people have to be on the same level. They have to WANT the same things out of life. Yes your very very lucky that she seems to LOVE YOU, but love is not the ONLY thing in a relationship.

You said you both agreed to be friends with benefits. Sounds like it was a good theory, but is not being achieved. So many people get hurt by not wanting the same things.

You can only be yourself... know what YOU want and then talk to her. You can't control how she feels or acts...you can only do what is right for YOU.... Sounds like you've been honest with her from the start.....KEEP BEING HONEST.... to you and her