Insecure friends...good friends? (32)
In response to: Conrad73
Heck,Friendship,NOT Fiendship.
Hope that was not a Sigmundian Slip!
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JLB, I completely understand how you feel. My best friend is like that and some days she drives me absolutely crazy. Here's my scenario: About a year ago, I didn't have many female friends. Guy to Girl ratio was like 7-1.
During that time, she rarely wanted to go out. If I wanted to hang out with her, I'd have to go to the Karaoke bar she works at on Saturdays. We never went out to do anything, despite my attempts to get her to go to an occassional movie or shopping or lunch, etc.
Now, I'm very good friends with a large group of girls from work. There's about 8 girls that I've become really close with and they always want to go out and do things and it's always a blast when we do hang out.
About the time, I started posting pics to my photo album from all the fun nights that us girls have had. Suddenly, she all of the sudden starts calling me left and right, text messaging me constantly.
She's met the girls I'm friends with now and apparently feels threatened by them. She constantly hints, when I say, "Oh I'm going to Angie's" or "Crystal and I are going to do this" that she wants to go with. Sometimes that's fine, other times its not depending on the situation.
A few times she's been overly clingy to my friends. Constant messaging as she does me; driving them crazy as well. She is trying so hard to win them over. She's always asking me if they like her. An example being, Friday. Myself, my friend, and two of my buddies from work were all going to have a movie night. One came down with a virus, the other had her sink blow a pipe. So both had to cancel. She asked me, "Do you think they cancelled because I was going to be there?". ARGH! It's enough to drive a person insane.
She's overly clingy with me now and driving me nuts! I've talked about it with her. She's the one I asked to go with me to my surgery with. She's the one that I tell everything too. She won't admit it, but everyone can see that she's afraid that she's going to lose me to the other girls. I love her to death, but I know she's got other friends that I don't feel threatened by at all.
So, long story short (too late), I feel your pain JLB!
During that time, she rarely wanted to go out. If I wanted to hang out with her, I'd have to go to the Karaoke bar she works at on Saturdays. We never went out to do anything, despite my attempts to get her to go to an occassional movie or shopping or lunch, etc.
Now, I'm very good friends with a large group of girls from work. There's about 8 girls that I've become really close with and they always want to go out and do things and it's always a blast when we do hang out.
About the time, I started posting pics to my photo album from all the fun nights that us girls have had. Suddenly, she all of the sudden starts calling me left and right, text messaging me constantly.
She's met the girls I'm friends with now and apparently feels threatened by them. She constantly hints, when I say, "Oh I'm going to Angie's" or "Crystal and I are going to do this" that she wants to go with. Sometimes that's fine, other times its not depending on the situation.
A few times she's been overly clingy to my friends. Constant messaging as she does me; driving them crazy as well. She is trying so hard to win them over. She's always asking me if they like her. An example being, Friday. Myself, my friend, and two of my buddies from work were all going to have a movie night. One came down with a virus, the other had her sink blow a pipe. So both had to cancel. She asked me, "Do you think they cancelled because I was going to be there?". ARGH! It's enough to drive a person insane.
She's overly clingy with me now and driving me nuts! I've talked about it with her. She's the one I asked to go with me to my surgery with. She's the one that I tell everything too. She won't admit it, but everyone can see that she's afraid that she's going to lose me to the other girls. I love her to death, but I know she's got other friends that I don't feel threatened by at all.
So, long story short (too late), I feel your pain JLB!
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Just a quick add on to my reply. When I do go out with my friends without her, I get the third degree: "Did you have fun? Was there drinking? What did you guys do? What time did you get home?", etc, etc, etc. I feel like I'm in a cop movie sometimes getting the third degree....
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Bear with me,D.I'm gonna email you later,hun 
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Never been one to seek center stage, I am usually glad that many of those I hang with gotta have the limelight.
From what you say her remarks and how you handled it was indeed being a friend. You gave/allowed her what she needed.
Afterall its not like she actually was moving in/ taking anything you valued or cherished.
From what you say her remarks and how you handled it was indeed being a friend. You gave/allowed her what she needed.
Afterall its not like she actually was moving in/ taking anything you valued or cherished.
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This is not a shameless bump....I am off by a number of hours from where many of you are and am just catching up on responses. I thank you for your comments. One further question, if I might...
Does the dynamic change when the friend is one of few? In other words, we are a close-knit community here; I work with this friend and I see her daily. If this was another place or another world, perhaps we could distance ourselves a bit, but our situation with our jobs and our life here in Greece keeps us in the same circle constantly. How does one determine, then, if this is not such a good friend and that one should distance themselves....when they truly cannot??? I guess I just want peace...no drama. She is constant drama, and she is constantly a part of my life. I work with her. I live near her. She gives, but she drains.
Awwww. I think I know the answer, actually.
Not easy, but I know. Thank you!
And, if you are wondering...perhaps it may seem that I am being a doormat, but I don't see it that way. I am stronger and I will continue to be her friend. She DOES need me. This is the least I can do.
Does the dynamic change when the friend is one of few? In other words, we are a close-knit community here; I work with this friend and I see her daily. If this was another place or another world, perhaps we could distance ourselves a bit, but our situation with our jobs and our life here in Greece keeps us in the same circle constantly. How does one determine, then, if this is not such a good friend and that one should distance themselves....when they truly cannot??? I guess I just want peace...no drama. She is constant drama, and she is constantly a part of my life. I work with her. I live near her. She gives, but she drains.
Awwww. I think I know the answer, actually.
Not easy, but I know. Thank you!
And, if you are wondering...perhaps it may seem that I am being a doormat, but I don't see it that way. I am stronger and I will continue to be her friend. She DOES need me. This is the least I can do.
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She is not a friend to you or anyone, I feel; insecure, self-centered, egotistical,competitive, insensitive; actually the type of person I like to avoid at all costs possible; and the part where she wears you out, there is just no way I would give someone like that the time of day. JMO
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In response to: In other words, we are a close-knit community here; I work with this friend and I see her daily. If this was another place or another world, perhaps we could distance ourselves a bit, but our situation with our jobs and our life here in Greece keeps us in the same circle constantly. How does one determine, then, if this is not such a good friend and that one should distance themselves....when they truly cannot???
I've been puzzling over why you put up with this lady, Jeffrey. I think the above highlights your true reasons fairly clearly. Practical necessity.
Jeffrey
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well blokes are different - but i had a bit of an iusse with one of my best friends. he was basically a selfish c**t and a lot of the guys used to say this about him behind his back (well, it was true - selfish in every way - material, emotional). So one day I turned round to him and said "Man, do you know that you're a selfish f**ker?". We went on to have a good chat about how he compartmentalises different area's of his life (friends, etc), how he's less giving than the rest of us, etc. He began to change pretty soon afterwards and is now probably one of the more generous of us. When it comes to best friends, just be straight up. That's what makes it such a true and right friendship.
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jlb684:
Does the dynamic change when the friend is one of few? In other words, we are a close-knit community here; I work with this friend and I see her daily. If this was another place or another world, perhaps we could distance ourselves a bit, but our situation with our jobs and our life here in Greece keeps us in the same circle constantly.
Does the dynamic change when the friend is one of few? In other words, we are a close-knit community here; I work with this friend and I see her daily. If this was another place or another world, perhaps we could distance ourselves a bit, but our situation with our jobs and our life here in Greece keeps us in the same circle constantly.
I think that you would find that if you weren't forced to see her and deal with her every day you would tire of this emotionally draining friendship, your survival instincts would kick in and you would gradually sever your ties with her.
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Jeffrey, I agree with Dave. If you are truly her friend, sit her down and explain that maybe it's time she grow up a bit and that a true friendship works both ways and is mutual. Good luck. Been there. 
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Friendship has to be on Give and Take basis.
If it is any other way it will break up sooner or later.
It is called Friendship for a reason,not "Utter Dependency"
Fiendship ought to be based on Mutual Respect,not on supporting Selfpity Ad Infinitum.