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You & your siblings... ( Archived) (28)

Oct 14, 2008 2:27 PM CST You & your siblings...
sweetowen
sweetowensweetowenSomewhere, Pennsylvania USA344 Threads 5 Polls 11,456 Posts
Do you get along really well with your siblings? Or are you the black/white sheep? Do you semi-get along with them but can't really identify with them?

I have an older brother & a younger sister. I find myself to be the odd (wo)man out in my family. My brother went to college, was on the dean's list, got his bachelor's degree & won't even use it! He works odd jobs here & there. He has a wonderful wife. He got very fortunate with her.

My sister, in high school, wasn't a straight A student, but tried. She held a job for quite a while & even bought her own car before she graduated. Now, she has 3 children, in school & doesn't have a job. This wouldn't be so bad, but her husband can't work right now because he just had heart surgery. They're struggling like crazy, but still she doesn't even think about going back to work!

I can't even IMAGINE not having my career!! I've been working for the same organization since my daughter (now 21) was a baby. She's never known me to work for anyone else. And when I quit one job, it was only to move up to a better job. My motto's always been, "Move forward, not backward".

My mother always took credit, saying she pushed me & not the others (which she does have a point). But I don't understand people who don't feel the need to do what they HAVE to do to make ends meet! I've been through a bad marriage & still supported my family. Left my ex & still supported my daughter, even with next-to-no help from him. It was what I HAD TO do.

Years ago, my former boss asked me, "How did you end up in that family?" My reply was a shrug of the shoulders & "Left on the doorstep?".

Actually, I do feel for them. But when I say something or suggest something, I'm yelled at for it. They look at me as a snob because I've worked so hard & gotten farther. Is that soooo wrong??

I was just wondering if you might find that you or another of your siblings is/are the "different" one in the group.
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Oct 14, 2008 2:57 PM CST You & your siblings...
lanabyte
lanabytelanabyteCharleston, West Virginia USA31 Threads 1 Polls 1,674 Posts
Good topic. I know what you mean. I have no bioligical brothers or sisters. But I have 37 cousins and we were all raised like brothers and sisters.

Sadly, I no longer have contact with any of my family except my mother. I still love them all dearly and wish things could be the way they were before my Grandma died and everything fell apart. It's said you see how people really are in times of adversity. I saw aunts, uncles, and cousins raiding my Grandma's house an hour after her death for anything they could pawn. Everyone turned on each other and were always fighting. That's when I really started to see them for who they were.

They prefer to not work and live on welfare. Most of my cousins were pregnant at 16. And when they'd finally marry the babydaddy, everyone would pressure them to get divorced - for no reason!

They also think I'm a snob because I went to college. When I got a job, they only ever called wanting money. When I wouldn't give any, I would never hear from them.

Finally, I had to accept the fact that I could not move on with my life if I was dragging them behind me. It's been 3 1/2 years since I last talked with anyone (2 people) - at my aunt's funeral. I haven't talked to the rest of them in over 8 years.

Doesn't mean family isn't imporant to me. It is more than anything, but sometimes you have to know when to let go. I hope someday we can come back together.

blues
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Oct 14, 2008 3:08 PM CST You & your siblings...
gingerb
gingerbgingerbLetterkenny, Donegal Ireland10 Threads 1 Polls 6,330 Posts
Some of my siblings told me quite recently that I have never been like them and would never be like them and to stop trying to befriend them. I raised most of them and miss them. When I asked why, they told me I was different, too different (in my way of thinking), for there to ever be any understanding between us on any level.
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Oct 14, 2008 3:17 PM CST You & your siblings...
I've always been treated/felt like I was the black sheep of my family.I don't associate with any of my sibblings and haven't for along time. From the time my parents passed away we've drifted farther apart and there isn't awhole lot I can do about it.

It used to bother me that we're not close but now I've just learned to accept who and what they are cause they're not going to change who they are and I'm not going to let it worry me anymore. I've gone on with my life and refuse to carry their excess baggage cause that's all they are is excess baggage.

I don't need their crappy lives to drag me down.
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Oct 14, 2008 3:51 PM CST You & your siblings...
lanabyte
lanabytelanabyteCharleston, West Virginia USA31 Threads 1 Polls 1,674 Posts
somechick: I've always been treated/felt like I was the black sheep of my family.I don't associate with any of my sibblings and haven't for along time. From the time my parents passed away we've drifted farther apart and there isn't awhole lot I can do about it.

It used to bother me that we're not close but now I've just learned to accept who and what they are cause they're not going to change who they are and I'm not going to let it worry me anymore. I've gone on with my life and refuse to carry their excess baggage cause that's all they are is excess baggage.

I don't need their crappy lives to drag me down.

thumbs up hug
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Oct 14, 2008 3:56 PM CST You & your siblings...
somechick: I've always been treated/felt like I was the black sheep of my family.I don't associate with any of my sibblings and haven't for along time. From the time my parents passed away we've drifted farther apart and there isn't awhole lot I can do about it.

It used to bother me that we're not close but now I've just learned to accept who and what they are cause they're not going to change who they are and I'm not going to let it worry me anymore. I've gone on with my life and refuse to carry their excess baggage cause that's all they are is excess baggage.

I don't need their crappy lives to drag me down.


My story is similar. You could be speacking for the both of us. I still try to meet them halfway. It doesn't always work though. But hope does spring eternal.

comfort hug hug
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Oct 14, 2008 3:58 PM CST You & your siblings...
Yah ... I am the 'red sheep' of the family. Oddball here pointing



Most of my family doesn't get along ... I'm the only one who pretty much gets along with everyone, and also the only one who is redheaded --- on top of being 'weird-handed'.


Siblings or no ... I come from an extremely dysfunctional family. Though, I would like to add that my big sissy & I are very close. I usually warn any potential dates in advance about my highly protective older sister.
uh oh

giggle



wink
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Oct 14, 2008 4:00 PM CST You & your siblings...
BarrenPneuma
BarrenPneumaBarrenPneumaGolden Staircase, Ontario Canada121 Threads 4 Polls 2,496 Posts
The family I have in my life is the persons I have met and shared my life with. I have never been a part of my blood family excepting during the past five years when I got to meet my mother and share her life. Since she passed away on the 24th of last month I am back to having not one single person from either my mother's or my father's side involved in my life.
I do not feel lessened anymore by this and whatever confusion I felt from this avaiodance is not an issue anymore. I have managed to surround myself with true friends that far outshine anything I would have ever imagined possible from my family.
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Oct 14, 2008 4:04 PM CST You & your siblings...
PILIPALA
PILIPALAPILIPALACardiff, South Glamorgan, Wales UK220 Threads 5,912 Posts
I have 3 sisters and two brother the only things we have in common is the we are all out spoken and rebels laugh

I do love all of them though
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Oct 14, 2008 4:05 PM CST You & your siblings...
Dknew
DknewDknewBarrington, New Hampshire USA319 Threads 14 Polls 9,166 Posts
I have a great family, 2 older brothers and 1 younger sister. For the most part I'd say we get on well even though we've had our share of differencess in the past.
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Oct 14, 2008 4:08 PM CST You & your siblings...
sweetowen
sweetowensweetowenSomewhere, Pennsylvania USA344 Threads 5 Polls 11,456 Posts
BarrenPneuma: The family I have in my life is the persons I have met and shared my life with. I have never been a part of my blood family excepting during the past five years when I got to meet my mother and share her life. Since she passed away on the 24th of last month I am back to having not one single person from either my mother's or my father's side involved in my life.
I do not feel lessened anymore by this and whatever confusion I felt from this avaiodance is not an issue anymore. I have managed to surround myself with true friends that far outshine anything I would have ever imagined possible from my family.


I have a wonderful network of friends, as well. That's another thing with my family... they never approve of my friends. Whenever my sister lashes out at me, she tells me to go to my snotty friends who only care about money. She says such hurtful things. The thing is no matter what, she's still my sister. How do you turn your back on your siblings?

What bothers me is that I'm afraid that when we've all grown old & they need something, they'll come knocking at my door for help. It's kind of like the story of the worker ant & the lazy ants. They'd better not come to me for help. I've worked hard.......
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Oct 14, 2008 4:08 PM CST You & your siblings...
CjTenorSax: My story is similar. You could be speacking for the both of us. I still try to meet them halfway. It doesn't always work though. But hope does spring eternal.




I used to meet my family half way too but not anymore cause they're a lost cause. I just figure that I don't have to lower myself to their level and plus I just became tired of all the head/mind games they play with other peoples feelings.
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Oct 14, 2008 4:21 PM CST You & your siblings...
sxc666
sxc666sxc666unknown, Queensland Australia77 Threads 1 Polls 26,530 Posts
pointing Black sheep for sure.

I am very close to my fireie red headed sister.

My brother not so much anymore, we have drifted apart as we got older. He lives in a materialistic world where its all about what you possess. I, and my sister are not like that.wine
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Oct 14, 2008 5:10 PM CST You & your siblings...
DazzleYou
DazzleYouDazzleYouSeattle, WA, Washington USA60 Threads 2 Polls 1,343 Posts
I have a sister on the other end of the world it seems. Dad and mom are gone. My aunt is a nutcase and my aunt's and uncles on mom's side I was never close to.

Sis and I talk regularly on email, that is about the extent of it. She is immature, gets into trouble and is living off her inheritance....in a few years she will be broke and will have no job.

So basically I am by myself and I have my work.
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Oct 14, 2008 5:24 PM CST You & your siblings...
sweetowen
sweetowensweetowenSomewhere, Pennsylvania USA344 Threads 5 Polls 11,456 Posts
Don't you ever wonder how you could've possibly been raised by the same parents?? I mean, my biological parents were still together til I was graduating from high school. They both raised us. No difference in upbringing.

But I do believe genetics play a huge role in a person's personality. I say this because of what I've seen in my own child. I raised her with my morals & values. Still, she was showing such traits of her father! As she gets older & realizes right from wrong, she is soooo much better. But I just couldn't believe how an absent parent can still influence a child's personality!

With that said, I believe my brother & sister are more like my mother & I'm more like my father.
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Oct 14, 2008 5:58 PM CST You & your siblings...
mbcasey
mbcaseymbcaseyNorth Myrtle Beach, South Carolina USA78 Threads 7 Polls 21,350 Posts
One older brother and one older sister..all of our family are close, but live 500 miles from each other.
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Oct 14, 2008 6:38 PM CST You & your siblings...
dillinger
dillingerdillingersexxay town, Fife, Scotland UK31 Threads 970 Posts
3 older sisters who i'm very close to and see every other week. we have all had our arguments but they're quickly forgotten. our mother died when I was young and my dad (understandably) went off the deep end for a while and they're the ones who somehow kept us all together .
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Oct 14, 2008 6:54 PM CST You & your siblings...
spiceygamble
spiceygamblespiceygambleNola, Louisiana USA40 Threads 3 Polls 5,583 Posts
I was the only little lamb in my family well into my 20's.
By that point, my father had managed to romance a stout German woman with very fertile ovaries... and then I suddenly had a sibling:
my baby brother!

To this day, we do not speak much but we never need to. We have an odd way of knowing exactly what each other is thinking. We've even fallen into fits of laughter without ever having said a word.
My stepmom, would ask "what's all that about?" and we would both simply point to each other and laugh saying:

"He/She started it"

... you just had to be there.
rolling on the floor laughing
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Oct 14, 2008 6:57 PM CST You & your siblings...
druidess6308
druidess6308druidess6308Aliquippa, Pennsylvania USA99 Threads 20,283 Posts
There are three of us girls, and I'm the oldest.

My younger sister is the self-proclaimed black sheep of the family. We were raised to be honest and never to steal. Years ago she told me about the things that she "shwooped" (some term she and her friends came up with for shoplifting back in the 80's, I guess)...and I still don't understand it. She's a single mother of two daughters who have different fathers...and now glad she never got married after watching the baby and I get our divorces. She's very self-centered...the whole world should revolve around her, and does in her mind.

My baby sister grew up as the "perfect Princess" who could do no wrong...our mom always blamed everything on the older two of us and punished us, saying we were older, we should know better. Now she's a snob that even my parents can barely stand at times. (They've learned not to complain to me...I've told them, you created the monster, not me, so don't complain to me about her.)

I'm not perfect, and I've certainly done things I shouldn't have. I've not led a perfect life, by any means...nor been an angel. However, I care about all of my family, and even still try to speak to my sisters. Unfortunately, in her selfishness, the younger one forever ruined all of the closeness we ever had. She said very unforgivable things to me on the eve of my husband's memorial service and we haven't talked much since. I'm not missing much...she's a drama queen and basically only called me when she needed an outlet to vent about her life. She did that to me when she found out about my husband's cancer..."I just heard, how are you doing?", and in the middle of my answer started to vent about her latest drama. dunno If you've heard the Kenny Chesney song, "What About Me", that's my theme song for her. laugh
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Oct 14, 2008 8:46 PM CST You & your siblings...
irishlass45
irishlass45irishlass45Texas USA, Texas USA61 Threads 5 Polls 6,345 Posts
Never knew my rotten assed biological spurt, he went off when I was three months old and my sister was three years old and started another family in another state. My mom never could handle it and was only a part time mom but a great person all of the time. My sister raised me and my brother who is younger than me, so she is my mom, my sister and my hero. My brother and I are close, we three are very lucky to have one another and I feel very very blessed after reading the problems with others on here, thank you sweetowen for pointing out that I need to be a little more thankful for what I havehug
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