What Do You Think??? (317)
Druidess, exactly like that!
I even kiss her if it seems he have his mind that way, he gets a show and us an extra kiss
I even kiss her if it seems he have his mind that way, he gets a show and us an extra kiss
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druidess6308: I agree with you on this part, Mike. There is a healthy amount of jealousy, and healthy reactions to it. If a man did not feel some small bit of jealousy and possessiveness when we're together, I would wonder if he really found me that attractive. However, jealousy that makes one control another and restrict them because it causes a lack of trust is not healthy.
A healthy reaction, to me, is something like us being out somewhere and him catching another man leering at me/checking me out, so he puts his hand on my arm (if we're sitting) or his arm around my waist...it's a little bit of possessiveness, and a signal to the other man that I'm his. Trust me, I will be doing the same if I see another woman checking him out too much. Nothing wrong with that.
Controlling another's life by dictating what they can and can't do, or where they can belong to socialize is not healthy.
A healthy reaction, to me, is something like us being out somewhere and him catching another man leering at me/checking me out, so he puts his hand on my arm (if we're sitting) or his arm around my waist...it's a little bit of possessiveness, and a signal to the other man that I'm his. Trust me, I will be doing the same if I see another woman checking him out too much. Nothing wrong with that.
Controlling another's life by dictating what they can and can't do, or where they can belong to socialize is not healthy.
I couldn't have said it better myself, my dear friend! Love a LITTLE jealousy... not CONTROLLING jealousy.
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mike69spain: Druidess, exactly like that!
I even kiss her if it seems he have his mind that way, he gets a show and us an extra kiss
I even kiss her if it seems he have his mind that way, he gets a show and us an extra kiss
Sounds like a win/win response to me! I like that one! And yes, I've done that one, too. ------ This thread is Archived ------
druidess6308: I agree with you on this part, Mike. There is a healthy amount of jealousy, and healthy reactions to it. If a man did not feel some small bit of jealousy and possessiveness when we're together, I would wonder if he really found me that attractive. However, jealousy that makes one control another and restrict them because it causes a lack of trust is not healthy.
A healthy reaction, to me, is something like us being out somewhere and him catching another man leering at me/checking me out, so he puts his hand on my arm (if we're sitting) or his arm around my waist...it's a little bit of possessiveness, and a signal to the other man that I'm his. Trust me, I will be doing the same if I see another woman checking him out too much. Nothing wrong with that.
Controlling another's life by dictating what they can and can't do, or where they can belong to socialize is not healthy.
A healthy reaction, to me, is something like us being out somewhere and him catching another man leering at me/checking me out, so he puts his hand on my arm (if we're sitting) or his arm around my waist...it's a little bit of possessiveness, and a signal to the other man that I'm his. Trust me, I will be doing the same if I see another woman checking him out too much. Nothing wrong with that.
Controlling another's life by dictating what they can and can't do, or where they can belong to socialize is not healthy.
Interesting Dru.
I find it absurd that abnormal reactions to normal doses of jealousy are a more accepted thing with society, especially with women. A man will be accused of being controlling, for exhibiting harmless traits of jealousy while sometimes, is just mere concern. Jealousy in moderation, I find acceptable. No need for another conference in Beijing.
When my man suggests to me, not to be in the company of certain people, I don't have to abandon them, true, but I find that this would stem from the concern he has for me, not control he wants to establish over me. Sadly, most would consider him controlling and try to crucify him for it.
There is no longer acceptance in 'trying' to suggest anything these days, which means, there is less compromise achieved, overall. In turn, relationships deteriorate to something that lacks symbiosis. This individual freedom we have set for ourselves is being misconceived or used selfishly. Consequently, more people are prone to finding fault with their partners, and none with themselves.
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morgan5: kinda looked that way for a while
I can see that. Maybe it's went back to it's trough.
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lusciousmile: Interesting Dru.
I find it absurd that abnormal reactions to normal doses of jealousy are a more accepted thing with society, especially with women. A man will be accused of being controlling, for exhibiting harmless traits of jealousy while sometimes, is just mere concern. Jealousy in moderation, I find acceptable. No need for another conference in Beijing.
When my man suggests to me, not to be in the company of certain people, I don't have to abandon them, true, but I find that this would stem from the concern he has for me, not control he wants to establish over me. Sadly, most would consider him controlling and try to crucify him for it.
There is no longer acceptance in 'trying' to suggest anything these days, which means, there is less compromise achieved, overall. In turn, relationships deteriorate to something that lacks symbiosis. This individual freedom we have set for ourselves is being misconceived or used selfishly. Consequently, more people are prone to finding fault with their partners, and none with themselves.
I find it absurd that abnormal reactions to normal doses of jealousy are a more accepted thing with society, especially with women. A man will be accused of being controlling, for exhibiting harmless traits of jealousy while sometimes, is just mere concern. Jealousy in moderation, I find acceptable. No need for another conference in Beijing.
When my man suggests to me, not to be in the company of certain people, I don't have to abandon them, true, but I find that this would stem from the concern he has for me, not control he wants to establish over me. Sadly, most would consider him controlling and try to crucify him for it.
There is no longer acceptance in 'trying' to suggest anything these days, which means, there is less compromise achieved, overall. In turn, relationships deteriorate to something that lacks symbiosis. This individual freedom we have set for ourselves is being misconceived or used selfishly. Consequently, more people are prone to finding fault with their partners, and none with themselves.
If concern is the case, then that's not jealousy. There were certain men my late husband knew to be dangerous that he warned me not to get too close to, and to make an exception of them in my hugginess. No problem...I didn't hug them. These were not sane men, or were violent drunks, and he knew it, and knew it could cause problems down the road.
What one considers a normal/abnormal response to jealousy can be subjective, too. Other cultures will see things differently...it can be considered normal in some countries for a man looking at a married woman to be instant cause for a fight...but here in the US, and in my life experience, this would be extreme and unacceptable.
Interesting points, Lush.
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hopefloats: I can see that. Maybe it's went back to it's trough.
hope it stays there! was an interesting and pleasant discussion until it became judgmental and blinkered------ This thread is Archived ------
morgan5: hope it stays there! was an interesting and pleasant discussion until it became judgmental and blinkered
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morgan5: hope it stays there! was an interesting and pleasant discussion until it became judgmental and blinkered
Yeah well I was looking forward to reading it as I had to nip out.
I trust you didnt let an ignoramus who decides how everyone thinks upset you or your thread.........
I am so glad your with someone Morgan and he trusts you to participate...........
The thread has been v enlightening for me and I'm sure other people and I hope others join in and participate as it is very relevant, both to CS and other situations in real life....
Communication has to be key......
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vinny1967: Yeah well I was looking forward to reading it as I had to nip out.
I trust you didnt let an ignoramus who decides how everyone thinks upset you or your thread.........
I am so glad your with someone Morgan and he trusts you to participate...........
The thread has been v enlightening for me and I'm sure other people and I hope others join in and participate as it is very relevant, both to CS and other situations in real life....
Communication has to be key......
I don't have a problem with anyone giving there opinion that was the whole point.But when someone starts making accusations and telling people there motive for being here, i find unacceptable. I trust you didnt let an ignoramus who decides how everyone thinks upset you or your thread.........
I am so glad your with someone Morgan and he trusts you to participate...........
The thread has been v enlightening for me and I'm sure other people and I hope others join in and participate as it is very relevant, both to CS and other situations in real life....
Communication has to be key......
Thank you vinny he is a great guy and my best friend as well as my partner.
I do think it's about communication and trust
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Lush did point out an important factor, concern.
I think I maybe sometimes reads my own feelings wrong, what I embarressed feel is jealousy maybe simple can be seen as concern.
Never the less, I tell her each time it happens, because it has an effect to it: situations where I feel uncomfortable and that repeats itself will be noticed; we will try to avoid them naturally.
I am writing in "me-form" but she does just the same.
To this: if I do receive a clear invite, it will be the first I tell her. I do not feel guilty for them and neither is she.
Now you know, what I see - she will get to see
I think I maybe sometimes reads my own feelings wrong, what I embarressed feel is jealousy maybe simple can be seen as concern.
Never the less, I tell her each time it happens, because it has an effect to it: situations where I feel uncomfortable and that repeats itself will be noticed; we will try to avoid them naturally.
I am writing in "me-form" but she does just the same.
To this: if I do receive a clear invite, it will be the first I tell her. I do not feel guilty for them and neither is she.
Now you know, what I see - she will get to see
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It saddens me that Morgan started a good thread and looked for
peoples views...
It was an interesting topic to see how others thought and dealt with things..
I can only speak for myself that I totally trust, have no reason
to be jealous and would never expect anyone to change as the way
they are attracted me to them in the first place.
They are individuals and being a couple never gives you the right
to control who they talk to and what they do.
A good thread went off tangent through a bad penny and this
seems to be occurring often at the moment...
We are adults.. can we not discuss and express our opinions in a
pleasant manner with out one coming and throwing the spanner in
the works...
peoples views...
It was an interesting topic to see how others thought and dealt with things..
I can only speak for myself that I totally trust, have no reason
to be jealous and would never expect anyone to change as the way
they are attracted me to them in the first place.
They are individuals and being a couple never gives you the right
to control who they talk to and what they do.
A good thread went off tangent through a bad penny and this
seems to be occurring often at the moment...
We are adults.. can we not discuss and express our opinions in a
pleasant manner with out one coming and throwing the spanner in
the works...
------ This thread is Archived ------
Tamarin: It saddens me that Morgan started a good thread and looked for
peoples views...
It was an interesting topic to see how others thought and dealt with things..
I can only speak for myself that I totally trust, have no reason
to be jealous and would never expect anyone to change as the way
they are attracted me to them in the first place.
They are individuals and being a couple never gives you the right
to control who they talk to and what they do.
A good thread went off tangent through a bad penny and this
seems to be occurring often at the moment...
We are adults.. can we not discuss and express our opinions in a
pleasant manner with out one coming and throwing the spanner in
the works...
I felt the topic is a scenario that could happen to anyone of us here, for so many of us CS is more than a dating site, it's provided a social network, support group and interaction for me in the past. I just wondered how people would feel if asked to give it up.peoples views...
It was an interesting topic to see how others thought and dealt with things..
I can only speak for myself that I totally trust, have no reason
to be jealous and would never expect anyone to change as the way
they are attracted me to them in the first place.
They are individuals and being a couple never gives you the right
to control who they talk to and what they do.
A good thread went off tangent through a bad penny and this
seems to be occurring often at the moment...
We are adults.. can we not discuss and express our opinions in a
pleasant manner with out one coming and throwing the spanner in
the works...
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druidess6308: If concern is the case, then that's not jealousy. There were certain men my late husband knew to be dangerous that he warned me not to get too close to, and to make an exception of them in my hugginess. No problem...I didn't hug them. These were not sane men, or were violent drunks, and he knew it, and knew it could cause problems down the road.
What one considers a normal/abnormal response to jealousy can be subjective, too. Other cultures will see things differently...it can be considered normal in some countries for a man looking at a married woman to be instant cause for a fight...but here in the US, and in my life experience, this would be extreme and unacceptable.
Interesting points, Lush.
What one considers a normal/abnormal response to jealousy can be subjective, too. Other cultures will see things differently...it can be considered normal in some countries for a man looking at a married woman to be instant cause for a fight...but here in the US, and in my life experience, this would be extreme and unacceptable.
Interesting points, Lush.
Thanks for raising the cultural aspect of this, Dru. It is highly significant and shouldn't be ignored.
Culture does influence concern, rights, law and jealousy; however I think it has more to do with a person's own personal choices. A woman in America, may have similar views on the topic, to a Chinese woman's, which means that total acceptance on various issues is mainly influenced by us, as individuals. People may live according to customs, but at the end of the day, they are their own priority, whether they accept it sooner or later. We allow what is acceptable to us, not others. We allow ourselves to listen to our partners or dismiss their privileges as our partners.
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morgan5: I felt the topic is a scenario that could happen to anyone of us here, for so many of us CS is more than a dating site, it's provided a social network, support group and interaction for me in the past. I just wondered how people would feel if asked to give it up.
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lusciousmile: Thanks for raising the cultural aspect of this, Dru. It is highly significant and shouldn't be ignored.
Culture does influence concern, rights, law and jealousy; however I think it has more to do with a person's own personal choices. A woman in America, may have similar views on the topic, to a Chinese woman's, which means that total acceptance on various issues is mainly influenced by us, as individuals. People may live according to customs, but at the end of the day, they are their own priority, whether they accept it sooner or later. We allow what is acceptable to us, not others. We allow ourselves to listen to our partners or dismiss their privileges as our partners.
Culture does influence concern, rights, law and jealousy; however I think it has more to do with a person's own personal choices. A woman in America, may have similar views on the topic, to a Chinese woman's, which means that total acceptance on various issues is mainly influenced by us, as individuals. People may live according to customs, but at the end of the day, they are their own priority, whether they accept it sooner or later. We allow what is acceptable to us, not others. We allow ourselves to listen to our partners or dismiss their privileges as our partners.
Very true, Lush. There are many individual differences within any given culture as well. There are many women in this country who have no problem with a man telling them what to do, where to go, and who they can be friends with...and many who do not tolerate this well. The important thing is to make sure that you and your partner/SO/spouse are on the same page with this.
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druidess6308: That's a different issue, though, Sommer. Trust me...that I would also do. We both do that for each other with the phone and IM, too. If it's a choice of focusing on us or being on here, we choose us. In person that would be more true...yes, if I have to choose between being on here or in his arms, I will be in his arms. That's not leaving here completely, though. If we did that, it would be our own, and a mutual, decision.
I'm not leaving and she is not either. You guys are our friends.
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buzzy: I'm not leaving and she is not either. You guys are our friends.
Gee, did I just tell her to do something? Uh Oooo!
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buzzy: Gee, did I just tell her to do something? Uh Oooo!
No love, you stated our mutual feeling... Trust me, I'll let you know if I ever feel you told me to do something. 
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Would you do leave?
Is it fair that they ask you to?
Just curious
no. dont do that, until u really sure that he really serious with you. keep searching n try to find the best.
IF he really serious with you, finally he will be the winner. n he will win you.
thats my opinion