Love

by marikiaTbilisi, Georgia

Dec 2010 1,010 Views 18 comments

Love

Makes my life a pitiful sight,
Love eludes me on her ways.
Tell me where to go and find it,
Love continues to go astray.

Love eludes me on her ways,
Catching love is a hopeless game,
Love continues to go astray,
Now I know it's the end of game.

Makes my life a fount of sorrow,
How shall I endure the strain?
Shall I put this heart on altar
As a sacrifice to pain?

How shall I endure the strain?
There's no answer - only chase.
As a sacrifice to pain
I will bring this life to end.

Come what comes - no one's to measure.
Love's a bliss - can't make it right.
For the fortunate ones it's pleasure,
Makes my life a pitiful sight.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Posted: Dec 2010

About this poem:

It is not as exquisitely and playfully done as Fellsman's, and with no such rich imagery, but it's my first one - like the first love it is very clumsy. But our first love stays with us for ever.

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Comments (18)

Macduff5Newcastle, New South Wales AustraliaDec 22, 2010

I like it Marikia. This will be the new 'flavour of the month', writing pantoums (thank you Fellsman). Still it is a rigid form but that's the challenge of poetry. See if the free verse advocates can master this one eh?

marikiaOPTbilisi, GeorgiaDec 22, 2010

Thanks, dear fellow poet, for your appreciation. We shall learn from others by listening to our own heart.

thesunandtheseaTampa, Florida USADec 22, 2010

wOW)) marikia!!

VERY NICE POEM!!!!!!

^___^
a pantoum fever!!!! heehee I wanna write 'a pantoum' poem too!!!!

huhuhu maybe tonight...

(have to get some works done first)

hurrrr

marikiaOPTbilisi, GeorgiaDec 22, 2010

I am sure you will make it, my dear. It takes one's heart, nothing else. Keep trying. Many thanks for your kind words.

FellsmanLake District, Cumbria, England UKDec 22, 2010

Hi Marikia

This a fine first effort at a pantoum: As someone for whom English is not even your first language, I admire your courage in trying out the format, which except for a couple of small deviations you have pretty well nailed it.

Thanks for attempting this rigid poetry genre.

Best wishes

Fellsman

marikiaOPTbilisi, GeorgiaDec 22, 2010

Thanks, Fellsman, for the comment. I wanted to be fair and warn my fellow poets to follow not mine, but your example, but you were the first to mention my deviation. What deviation it is they will see when they read your response to my comment to your pantoum. Promise to stick to rules next time. In any case this pantoum is not going to appear in text-books for the students to learn.

Thank you, Agoodguy, for joyful comment. No, I am not taking my life in earnest and I am going to live and continue making myself a nuisance on this PC.

marikiaOPTbilisi, GeorgiaDec 23, 2010

Dear Fellsman, I knew I broke the rules, and the rules in poetry are very strict. I know I could have done much better had I been more attentive. One should abide to rules and laws in the first place. I am very thankful for all your kind words. I hope some time I will be worthy of your praise.

caroljoyceManchester, Greater Manchester, England UKDec 23, 2010

There are no rules; it's very good,
cj

niah9Auckland, New ZealandDec 23, 2010

I agree with CJ Marikia....when a poem is written from the heart, it should be enough...and this says all it should. If you think clinical all the time, you end up with a poem that lacks warmth....anyway, how about being a leader... rather than a follower...true we all want to improve, but this is a good poem that stand alone. Niah

ReaderOfSoulsunknown, Texas USADec 23, 2010

Marikia,

I like this *A LOT*

As CJ mentioned, there aren't any rules in poetry, just write from the heart.

Wonderful work!!

pilgrimageofloveSydney, New South Wales AustraliaDec 23, 2010

Make your own rules.
It's a lot of fun....

pilgrimageofloveSydney, New South Wales AustraliaDec 23, 2010

I better look pantoum up.

niah9Auckland, New ZealandDec 23, 2010

Well all this talk... so I checked on the meaning, and although it isn't in either the Oxford and Penguin Dictionary...it is on line...and rather interesting explanations...Niah

FellsmanLake District, Cumbria, England UKDec 23, 2010

Hi Marikia

Reading through the replies has been an education for me: It looks like I am the only person who thinks that there are any rules when it comes to writing a pantoum, Then, what would I know?

I was unaware that a constructive response on technical issues would attract such odium. That will teach me to keep my opinions to myself.

Hope you enjoy a wonderful Christmas.

Best wishes

Fellsman x

jeddah12singapore, Central Singapore SingaporeDec 23, 2010

a lovely and great poem as always marikia,,,merry christmas and a joyous new year to you and your family,,

trurorobAlicante, Valencia SpainDec 24, 2010

nicely done effort Marikia!
rob

marikiaOPTbilisi, GeorgiaDec 24, 2010

Thanks, dears, for your wholehearted comments and I wish you all Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Fellsman, your opinion has been and remains the most precious, and I am still of the opinion that laws are made to abide by them. You should voice your opinion whenever it is required: we learn by listening to what others would say.

FellsmanLake District, Cumbria, England UKDec 26, 2010

Hi Marikia

Thank you for your considered reply to my critique: Having re-read some the more vindictive reaction to my responses, I will only add that at least, I understood the requirements for composing a pantoum BEFORE I posted my comments.

Best wishes

Bill x

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