This story, as all these type of stories begin, happened once upon a time, in a land far, far away. It is almost lost in the mists of time. There lived a Miller and, as far as Millers went, he was not a bad fellow. His only vice, if you could call it that, was that he was rather fond of a drink and at every opportunity he enjoyed one, or more.

He did not own his own mill but leased it from the King. Not that this stopped him from being jolly. He was rather round and laughed most of the time. He was jollier still when he was imbibing.

The only bane in his life was his daughter. She was fat and to be truthful rather ugly. Now you might say that saying this is not nice, well, if she stood next to a donkey’s behind the only way you could tell them apart was that the donkey has a tail. Her chin had multiple chins and her face was covered with pustules and her upper lip had the makings of a great moustache.

I should also mention that she was lazy. Lazy is actually an understatement. She was loathe to leave her bed, except when it came to eating. Were it not for the fact that food was not brought to her bed I believe she would have stayed in there. Grunting and groaning she would drag herself out of bed and make her way to the kitchen. Once she had eaten she would make her way back to bed, to rest after her exertions.

The Miller was at his wits end. What to do? How to get rid of her? She was eating him out of house and home, there was barely food left for him. When it came to eating her laziness disappeared. Bowl after bowl of food vanished, straight down her gullet. The situation was getting so bad that he was even running out of money for drinking. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

It was her habit that when she finished eating she would go outside for nature’s call. When she went outside to use the outhouse he locked the doors and barred the windows. To her surprise she could not get back in. No amount of begging and pleading or crying moved the Miller to open the door.

Repeatedly she walked round and round the house looking for entrance but it was securely locked and shuttered. She tried approaching the neighbours but they knew her habits only too well. They quickly locked their doors also and barred their windows. Nobody wanted her in their house.

As night started to fall she became more desperate. It was rumoured that wild animals roamed the night. These animals were so fierce that they could devour a fully grown human with one gulp. She did not want to verify the truth of the rumour. Now there was only one place left for her to go. She would have to walk to the castle and throw herself on the mercy of the King. That she would walk that distance showed how desperate she really was.