Newest Limerick Poems (105)

Mine to Keep
Oressie Simmons


I often thought of myself as an unique character, where events in my life were just a tab bit sadder.


No one could ever know such pain; no one could ever have a sadder story quite the same.


For who knows about tragedy of a sudden heart break or the timid steps to recovery one must take.


Yes,there is no one out there quite like me and I often ask myself and we agree.


Because no one understands the feeling to lose someone you love or how superficial hobbies may be there as their sub.


For who knows about being turned down from employment while all the time thinking this opportunity was heaven sent.


Yes,there is no one that could ever experience these feelings for I am the only unique human being living.

slowly move toward me i can feel u your hand touch my mind lick my lips taste your sweet sweat made a sound just OH OH...wait just a minute all most there hold it don't move close your eyes say my name wait almost there wait wait here it c*m c*m wait shhhh wait hold it oh may gosh am ...am hold me so good wow can u smell it can u taste me so good slowly moving down my thigh heat warmth so good taste good wow my first cup of coffee ?

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.

Its Called therapy.

I WON A POETRY CONTEST© by Barbara Cronin Harrington

I entered a contest, surprised I had won
Along with another thousand and yet some.
Only $50.00 to buy the leather bound book,
With my poem in it was to be the hook.

Proud t'was I to see my poem in print
Before I recovered, a new email was sent
With yet another offer…my name upon a plaque
Only $70 was the cost… but quickly must I act.

But that was not the end of it,
My poem was put to sound
On tapes, CDs and books galore
For just a hundred dollars more.

Though the price was mighty high
The benefits were worth the try
I'd read my winning poem aloud
amid a cheering thunderous crowd

Before I could respond and write a big fat check,
There was still more… the biggest yet,
News so great, it was music to my ear
I was now named Poet Of The Year.

And this is the winning poem…

I went for a pizza and to my delight
Stood Elvis before me, all rhinestones in white
Stunned, I was speechless but finally said,
"My God, Mister Presley, I heard you were dead!"

"How rumors do fly," the pelvis did say,
"I had it with work, so I just slipped away
Got tired of show biz, cavorting and swinging
Of women and booze and carousing and singing."

"Off went my sideburns, my hair I dyed white
Went on a diet until fifty pounds light
Wore a gray flannel suit that came with a vest
And sat in the park, as birds will attest."

"I soon became bored and worse than that, broke
For I needed to work and that was no joke
Filled with depression, my destiny blue
Until I remembered what best I could do."

"My swivel and wiggle reborn with a grin
When my pasta is tossed in the air with a spin,
My spirits elated, I no longer feel low,
So now I make pizza...I'm rolling in dough."


EPILOGUE

Shocked was I to see this guy
Who some believe had long gone by,
Rumors abound that the hipster t’were found
And he wasn't six feet underground

Twas just by luck, for the very first time
That I should learn of a contest to join
So I entered Elvis, and would you believe won,
Along with a hundred thousand and then some.

Down around ankles were his trousers
as he caressed her he said wowzers
finding there no lady
it was all so shady
as he always seemed to pick posers

written 05/22/2014

There was a love bird named Bill
he liked to sun on the sill
himself admiring
he was so charming
until he had a big spill

Simple Simon was a shy man,
The girls all knew it well.
When e'er they'd meet,
He would retreat
And then he'd run like hell.

there once was a man sitting in the sand
he had just been dumped and by her new lover thumped
he started to understand when he opened up his hand
the road have given him bumps and life is full of humps

ITS TIME TO LAUFH AND NOT TO CRY ,ITS TIME TO Live AND NOT TO DIE ITS TIME TO THINK OF THE WORLD WE LIVE IN ,ITS TIME TO START GIVEING ,ITS TIME TO STOP ALL THE GREED IN THIS WORLD AND TO MUCH POWER IN THE HANDS OF A FEW ITS TIME TO STOP THE HATE IN OUR HEART AND LET LOVE FLOW IN OUR VAINS AND STOP ALL THIS PAIN ,ITS TIME TO START AGAIN ,ITS TIME ITS TIME ITS TIME

The blacksmith while he was hammering
did hit his thumb, oh boy how it stung
dipped it in water
got bit by an adder
boy, he swore and swore at the aching