Newest Humor Poems (1,868)

Lazy old grandpa sat to sleep
Light rain wets in the double beep
tickle flew in a fly
Old eyes said good-by
Big toe wiggled the target deep

Flamingos legs are tall and thin
Why should the curves be on their chin?
Watch them on one leg
Lifting two is no bet
Falling birds would have always been

Scarecrows are ugly as can be
In a moonlight sky, they are free
They give you goose bumps
Better take a light or jump
For Halloween, best to pee

Sharks are large predators at sea
Son pulls daddy and sits on knee
Afraid to swim, Daddy?
No Son, that's my gabby
These Two pictures shows how you flee
_______________________________________________________

Spaghetti: "I'm the one that wiggles into the salads. When they
eat me, they really feel full.

Tomato " Spaghetti, I may be chubby, but I do shine here with
my friend lettuce, giving a lot of coloring to a delicious
salad".

Carrot "I really catch up on the orange color, but celery
adds some extra flavors when we join together".

Lettuce " My designed leaves add beauty to salads with all the
decorations".

Onions " I'm not favored in many salads, but along with a red
pepper we can really spice them up."

Celery "Many like to chop me up and dip me in a creamy sauce."

Pasta "My body has so many forms, curls, cylinders, oval faces in
between. When I enter the beauty salon, they soften me up
and then I can fill up a banquet..."

Potatoes "Well I make a match with most anything, yet when I
get mashed, I can really comfort hard eggs all together"

Eggs "After they boil me they can cut me into slices or ground
me down to fill in several salads".

Strawberry "I am usually the top of the iceberg, giving that
ultimate finishing".

Just putter gooder one on there
What are we talking about
The storm door on my house
With a trap door for a mouse
Why heavens sake do that for
Justa gonna ruin a good door
Still better than the one before
When a big snow comes around
The cat don’t want out no more
That’s the craziest thing I heard
You sure you don’t know for sure
Nope I can’t say for sure no more

I won't respond if you say this or that, I won't
be available for nonsense chat, I won't accept
text or anything next, I won't reply if I think you
lie, I won't be here to communicate, I won't, I
won't...this is so......why am I alone?....I just
don't know.

So who will give their pixel up
Not one or two or three or five
or six or seven or eight or nine
Maybe ten will split the litttle squeak
can never have too many hens

If ya like to stare
then take the dare
and split a tire or two
cause he's about to lay her out
and there aint nothin you can do
He's gonna start real slow
gettin her wet and all squirelly
get ready cause shes sure about surely
gonna give dat Bing da Bot Bam Boom
To bang for a measily buck ride or two
And if that aint enough to make you choke
then listen up close ya all hear me now folk
We havent even gotten to the part thats rottten where
little lady slides over where we hit first gear
And we're just coastin to the startin line

Now methinks her grumble and that Hemi's rumble
Might exsplain why they be talkin bout that Ol' Fenders Flap
cause bout this time that youngin girl just made a move
Whilst twilights tinker is eyeballin the stinker
That ol chap is thinkin about taken a lap
He revs his gas knowin that shes a real drinker
Hot Lottery Damn! Shes a hook line and sinker
Dat Boy revved so hard fire came out of dem pipes
As he approaches the startin line

A mountain full of gold, just double it up but still won’t be enough for a man

Have you know brain
For deleting the poem Criminally Insane
You need to explain why?
You have destroyed a work of art and
Show no empathy or shame

Is because your jealous
Or is it because your very sad
If you want my opinion
It's because your small minded and incredibly BAD

It's okay for scammers and fools
To insult the man
Be honest and decent
Your poem gets deleted and are facing a ban

So why not comment on the poem mod
Instead of being silent and acting like PC plod
Is it me or is it you
That abuses poetry and art
Just give us a clue

"World's Head Honchos Playing Hide-n-Seek!"

Oh, look, what do I spy on the horizon, so sleek?
It seems the world's head honchos are playing hide-n-seek!
They hide behind curtains of power, grinning ear to ear,
Delighting in the grand theater we've come to hold dear.

Who's that behind the UN's tree, somewhat shy?
Could it be the Secretary-General, playing the sly guy?
He laughs cautiously, controlling the world's pulse,
But can't resist the game, deep into which he's immersed!

Hear that, what's that noise? A whisper from NATO's fort!
The game entices even the strongest, no matter their sort.
With each resolution, each pact, they hide a smile,
Ah, this game promises to be quite worthwhile!

There, behind WHO's shield, can you see that playful shadow?
In the battle for global health, there's a boss echoing a meadow,
A song to this jolly game, though it seems unorthodox,
Indeed, this cosmic hide-n-seek has us all in a paradox!

From the IMF's headquarters, the echo of laughter thunders,
Despite economic crises, here no one blunders.
They play hide-n-seek with coins, such a clever game!
Truly, this is a play filled with much acclaim!

But let's not deceive ourselves, not all is fun and laughter,
This hide-n-seek of the powerful can have its own disaster.
Every round plays with destinies, each turn a nation,
And though the game is comical, we cannot ignore its equation.

Oh, world's head honchos, in your power seats hidden,
Could we, perhaps, ask for a game less midden?
We could play at building, creating, and sharing,
Together, making this world a better place for living.

Easy living,
Is this what it takes?, ( ex.1- da de da doo)
Play it by ear?,
You wake and you bake!,
ooh, (x4) - Easy living, -
The party begins,
When you arrive!
You wonder if it's the right place?,
While you - are greeted with smiles!,
Easy living, --

You jump on a Harley,
Cuts circles in the grass, (ex.2 cha che cha cha cha)
The neighbors call the cops,
Then ask for your autograph!,
ooh (x4) - Easy living, --
People pay you!,
To play on the stage!,
But even you don't,
They love you anyways!,
Easy living, --

Easy living,
Is that what it took?, (ex.3 de da dow ba da ba da bom bom boom)
To play that six string thing?,
To have the looks?,
ooh (x4) Easy living, -
And you have it all!,
Where else can you go?
If you are (reading, hearing) this,
(de da doo, chada chada chada ching ba da boom)
Let me know?!
Easy living ------