Random Humor Poems (1,868)

she served him up a fair-served shot
which he returned with speed, a lot

and back-n-forth they balled and turned
but never did a point they earn

the match was always love to love
no clear advantage for either thereof

he said she was fifteen to his game
she maintained she was 30 just the same

and that his love would always be for nil
and that their games must continue until

she lobbed a shot right over his head
he said no way, she'd be the loser instead

so on into the day they volleyed the points
their court was covered, no judge to appoint

a delicate push right to her net
she'd dash to return his balls and get

another chance to keep the point in play
and continue their game on into the day

when nighttime came and they sat down to rest
they still couldn't agree on who was the best

but finally agreed they could amicably assume
they both were equals and went to their room

to end their love match alone in their bed
make love not a score, but their passion instead

© agoodguy2have 2010-07-14

I had a dream
About a man with gentle eyes.
And during the night
I got so used to him.
He kept me tight.
It was so sweet with him all night.

He disappeared with the sunrise,
And I forgot to ask his name.
I still feel his hot lips
On my face
Whilst I was awake.

My dear friends
In case you meet him
In your dreams
Please ask his name
For me

ok, despite an explicit direction
you clicked for a closer inspection
maybe to get a singular connection
without invoking undo detection

let this then, not lead to dismay
that you be pleased with what i say
do not quickly depart without delay
and leave me here 'til judgment day

some insight and humor you have wanted
to read these lines i left undaunted
by trivial phrase so brazenly flaunted
through ears to memory i have haunted

i knew then that i could count on you
to click the button to pass on through
you couldn't resist, and so eschew
these weird rhymed lines for your review

now that we've gotten into these stanzas
i beg your pardon that initial commands a
mine that obliquely obliged this bonanza
a trivially rhyming quatrain extravaganza

maybe next time the direction is NOT
your attention to me, a passing shot
you'll find strength to do what i cannot
namely, waste my time on this tommyrot

© agoodguy2have 2011-01-01

My mother has a gun,
She shoots bullet words,
Bang bang and you're gone,
My mother keeps a gun!

My mother got a gun,
She shrieks and having fun,
Coz she's got a mean tongue,
My mother is Sarah Conner clone!

My mother owns a gun,
She hunts aliens and demons,
Jesse got his from his mum,
Stop! Or my mama shoots the nuns!

If at first you dont succeed,
Skydiving ain't the sport for you.

Waiting, waiting always waiting will he ever come?
Each morning I’m standing by the door, in rain or sleet or sun.
Does he know how long I wait my patient's getting thin?
Is that a van I’m hearing hoping that it’s him.
Over the bridge and round the bend at last his van’s in sight.
Eagerly I step outside he slows my hopes are bright.
He then winds down his window an envelope I see.
With trembling hands I take it I’m excited as can be.
Then off he goes back up the road waving as he goes.
This letter that I’m holding from whom I’m sure he knows.
It is I gasp with watery eyes it’s taken far too long.
I noticed then the postmark the date it must be wrong.
This was posted a year ago this surely can’t be right.
I opened it began to read the words gave me a fright.
With disbelief at what she’d wrote expressing deep remorse.
She’d heard the news that broke her heart I’d been killed of course.
Standing as I did each day waiting for the van.
He didn’t see me on that day, who you say? The Postman.

If for one day an animal I could be
A snake you see, that’s the one for me

Behind you quietly I would sneak
From me you would not hear a squeak

Around you I would wrap, squeeze tight
I’d hug and hug you with all my might

You’d yell and cry, beg me to stop
Then I would slither down your top

Your belly button tickle, while going down
I would wipe away that silly frown

Then we’d laugh and roll around
Two new friends each other found

mumble, mumble, mumble , phew
looks like the poodle done a poo
scrapers, wipes and sprays too
now your off to have a spew
your turning green and going to chuck
while that damm dog runs amuck
who is to blame you ask all's there
looking around with their hands in the air
bloody dog you say must go
but the floor is all clean no spots dp show
he he comes for a pat
maybe time to by that mat.

If from sleep
I awaken
I'm alive

If I never wake up again
I'm dead - which however
I cannot experience

I think this is unfair
and to offer Death
its fair share of existence
I now rename ‘Life’
‘Death’

At last I can enjoy
the 'un-happenable'
(I often wondered
what it would be like!)

JUST ANOTHER SUNDAY; I HOPE SOON; IT WILL BE MONDAY! HERE COMES TUESDAY; JUST ANOTHER, BLUESDAY! HELLO, WEDNESDAY; TIME TO MEET NEW FRIENDS DAY! THURSDAY; I PASS THE HOURS AWAY! FRIDAY; THE WEEKENDS IN SITE, ALRIGHT! AT LAST, IT'S SATURDAY; I DON'T WORKOUT, AND I CAN EAT; WHATEVER I WANT,AND ENJOY A DRINK; BEFORE SUNDAY; PUTS ME, ON THE BRINK!