Here is a list of Humor Poems ordered by Random, posted by members. Read poetry, post your own poems or comments. Poems on these pages are copyrighted © by the authors who entered them. Click here to post a poem.
Slow Torture
Slowly, every so slowly.
Moving slightly then stopping.
Then again and moans escape.
God, it's sooooo long and hard.
Yes... Oh yes, it'll make you crazy.
Oh... Oh God it's so hot!
Squirming, moving around
Head turning right and left
Roaring in the ears
The pace quickens
Slowing down again...
Not yet... no, not yet.
Not fast, not hurried
Such slow torture
Nerves fired up
Ready to explode
Yeah, well up yours, pal.
Bastage cut me off.
Rush hour commute on I-95 in summer.
Moving slightly then stopping.
Then again and moans escape.
God, it's sooooo long and hard.
Yes... Oh yes, it'll make you crazy.
Oh... Oh God it's so hot!
Squirming, moving around
Head turning right and left
Roaring in the ears
The pace quickens
Slowing down again...
Not yet... no, not yet.
Not fast, not hurried
Such slow torture
Nerves fired up
Ready to explode
Yeah, well up yours, pal.
Bastage cut me off.
Rush hour commute on I-95 in summer.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2010
Post Comment
Buyer Of Vanity fair
We sleep in the boughs' of love!
But reality so exceptional;
Its called life; controller be time.
Yet to find a life;
we be to do thousands mistake!
Move unfortunately behind false
We be buyer of vanity fair.
But reality so exceptional;
Its called life; controller be time.
Yet to find a life;
we be to do thousands mistake!
Move unfortunately behind false
We be buyer of vanity fair.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jul 2009
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What I Don't Know I Knew
What I know
I don’t know
Is that how I go
Do I need to show
How slow
Or, what I don’t know
I need to know
Like a black crow
Or white snow
If I only knew
What I don’t know
Would I be blue
And cats still mew
I wish I knew
All that I know
If I could remember
That day in November
Oh shoot! I lost my boot
Was I wearing a business suit
I’ll be using what I know
In this crazy world of show
Although, if I knew
Would that start a coup
Or place me in a queue
If I could only remember
What happened in September
And if I only knew
I could certainly tell you
If knowledge is power
Just pick the red flower
Take your shower
Head to the tower
And, please, stay there an hour
It probably will take you that long to remember
What in the hell you did in December
Because if you don’t know
What you knew
How in the world can I tell you!
I don’t know
Is that how I go
Do I need to show
How slow
Or, what I don’t know
I need to know
Like a black crow
Or white snow
If I only knew
What I don’t know
Would I be blue
And cats still mew
I wish I knew
All that I know
If I could remember
That day in November
Oh shoot! I lost my boot
Was I wearing a business suit
I’ll be using what I know
In this crazy world of show
Although, if I knew
Would that start a coup
Or place me in a queue
If I could only remember
What happened in September
And if I only knew
I could certainly tell you
If knowledge is power
Just pick the red flower
Take your shower
Head to the tower
And, please, stay there an hour
It probably will take you that long to remember
What in the hell you did in December
Because if you don’t know
What you knew
How in the world can I tell you!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jul 2014
About this poem:
I was visitng with Aristotle...in my mind...you know his famous quote "The more you know, the more you know you don't know.” And I just wanted to be silly with that thought and pen a little craziness! If you think about it...it is true though!
Ten Little Boyfriends
Ten little boyfriends looking so fine
One was obsessed with food and wine
Then there were nine.
Nine little boyfriends asked me for dates
One comes always so very late
Then there were eight.
Eight little boyfriends searching for heaven
One was dishonest, appearing nice even
So there were seven.
Seven little boyfriends learning varied tricks
One fell down and just got sick
Then there were six.
Six little boyfriends very much alive
One get addicted to dancing the jibe
And then there were five.
Five little boyfriends knocked at the door
One broke his head falling on the floor
And then there were four.
Four little boyfriends who loved the sea
One got drowned, so sad you see
And then there were three.
Three little boyfriends who were nice and true
One disappeared without any clue
And then there were two.
Two little boyfriends loving the sun
One caught cancer when his skin was burned
So there was one.
One little boyfriend oozing with charm
But too dangerous for anyone
And then there was none.
One was obsessed with food and wine
Then there were nine.
Nine little boyfriends asked me for dates
One comes always so very late
Then there were eight.
Eight little boyfriends searching for heaven
One was dishonest, appearing nice even
So there were seven.
Seven little boyfriends learning varied tricks
One fell down and just got sick
Then there were six.
Six little boyfriends very much alive
One get addicted to dancing the jibe
And then there were five.
Five little boyfriends knocked at the door
One broke his head falling on the floor
And then there were four.
Four little boyfriends who loved the sea
One got drowned, so sad you see
And then there were three.
Three little boyfriends who were nice and true
One disappeared without any clue
And then there were two.
Two little boyfriends loving the sun
One caught cancer when his skin was burned
So there was one.
One little boyfriend oozing with charm
But too dangerous for anyone
And then there was none.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Apr 2020
About this poem:
Just a fun poem based on TEN LITTLE INDIANS.
Red Hot Loving (by request for Poetnumber1)
I saw her first in the pub
A creature so devine
I knew then straight away
Somehow she was going to be mine
I waltzed up so suave and cool
Said 'good day luv, how is ya?'
She looked at me I felt like a bug
Just waiting to be crushed
But then she spied
What was in my hand
A whole roll of fifties
Suddenly her face was lit
By a smile so radiant
Took my hand said 'come with me'
To her place we'll be going
Walked in the door
And holy hells bells
She was tearing clothes off me
My luck had changed
This was my day
Some lovin' I'll be getting
When her fingers she snapped
And said 'money thanks'
Didn't care just handed it
So into bed, man she's hot
Huge breasts with puffy nipples
Oh man now I'm drooling
My hand slid down
To silky soft thighs
And found the unexpected
I'm out of bed
And dressed so quick
Running out at full speed
The she was a he
And what made it worse
She had one bigger than I did
A creature so devine
I knew then straight away
Somehow she was going to be mine
I waltzed up so suave and cool
Said 'good day luv, how is ya?'
She looked at me I felt like a bug
Just waiting to be crushed
But then she spied
What was in my hand
A whole roll of fifties
Suddenly her face was lit
By a smile so radiant
Took my hand said 'come with me'
To her place we'll be going
Walked in the door
And holy hells bells
She was tearing clothes off me
My luck had changed
This was my day
Some lovin' I'll be getting
When her fingers she snapped
And said 'money thanks'
Didn't care just handed it
So into bed, man she's hot
Huge breasts with puffy nipples
Oh man now I'm drooling
My hand slid down
To silky soft thighs
And found the unexpected
I'm out of bed
And dressed so quick
Running out at full speed
The she was a he
And what made it worse
She had one bigger than I did
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2011
Post Comment
I Am The Best
I like smoking dank especially from a bong but sometimes the bud is too f*cking strong. I know weed is never too strong ,but it can be if you hit it for too long. Whenever I get hella f*cking high my mouth gets super f*cking dry. This is when I need some wet pu**y for my cotton mouth because i'm legendary when it comes to licking down south. It's my motherf*cking gift I promise it'll give your mood a really good lift. As you slowly take off your miniskirt I eat your pu**y till you begin to squirt. When you squirt it reminds me of a water gun because its summer and were having hella fun. Your pu**y is a perfect shade of pink when I lick your pu**y you get wetter than a motherf*cking sink.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2014
About this poem:
I wrote this poem because I was boredCRUEL RAIN
Days upon days the rain lashed down
Drowning my beautiful flowers crowns
The grasses have grown knee high
Seemingly trying to reach the sky's
Knowingly stepping out
I will feel the rains clout
The birds are hiding in the trees
Me, walking in puddles up to my knees
What more can I say
Will I be washed away?
Nope I have a big tin tray at the ready
And a paddle to keep me steady
An adventure, or pain in the ash
Splashing down again, sorry must dash
OH NO! the tray and paddle have gone astray
Down the street I see them sway
Wait! I yell you've set off too soon
I laugh now the rain is in a swoon
Well now to end my tale
I've bought a boat with a sail
Drowning my beautiful flowers crowns
The grasses have grown knee high
Seemingly trying to reach the sky's
Knowingly stepping out
I will feel the rains clout
The birds are hiding in the trees
Me, walking in puddles up to my knees
What more can I say
Will I be washed away?
Nope I have a big tin tray at the ready
And a paddle to keep me steady
An adventure, or pain in the ash
Splashing down again, sorry must dash
OH NO! the tray and paddle have gone astray
Down the street I see them sway
Wait! I yell you've set off too soon
I laugh now the rain is in a swoon
Well now to end my tale
I've bought a boat with a sail
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2019
About this poem:
Its rained for days i'm locked inA Terror For The Chickens (Alternate version)
Come back Foxy baby
You're so damn hot
She is racing cross paddock
And I'm in hot pursuit
Catch me if you can
She yells over her shoulder
I try to put on extra speed
But she is Speedy Gonzales
See the humans watching us
Mouths hanging wide open
Almost lost my stride
To see this funny sight
Then we reach the high grasses
There I catch my Foxy babe
Our love is consummated
You're so damn hot
She is racing cross paddock
And I'm in hot pursuit
Catch me if you can
She yells over her shoulder
I try to put on extra speed
But she is Speedy Gonzales
See the humans watching us
Mouths hanging wide open
Almost lost my stride
To see this funny sight
Then we reach the high grasses
There I catch my Foxy babe
Our love is consummated
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Sep 2011
About this poem:
The cat came and complained. It demanded right of reply
cool bunny
mad as a hatter in spring
the march hair frolicking
out of the ground
like jack in a box
easter bunny pops up
hopping and skipping
through daisies fair
lillies and daffodils everywhere
easter eggs he is a giving
to little children everywhere
smiles of laughter
smiles of glee
the carrot hanging from his mouth
cool as the air
that comes with a breeze
happy easter
the march hair frolicking
out of the ground
like jack in a box
easter bunny pops up
hopping and skipping
through daisies fair
lillies and daffodils everywhere
easter eggs he is a giving
to little children everywhere
smiles of laughter
smiles of glee
the carrot hanging from his mouth
cool as the air
that comes with a breeze
happy easter
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2013
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The blogs are ok
The fella's ok, he's just a bit old
A maths geek comes in from the cold
It's not representative
When he's argumentative
But when making maths blogs
He outdoes most the slobs.
These blogs help me relearn
Mathematics I've spurned
When my wild days
Left my mind in a haze.
But now I am sober
(Much like a judge)
Notation is clear
For math, you can't fudge.
Knowledge comes back
I once thought I'd lost
I'm on the right track
I've paid off the cost.
Be real is now here
With a laser-like mind
Soaking up figures
And things of that kind.
Maybe in blog land
Things would be more pleasant
If those would understand
Who act like a peasant
The lady's mostly ok
(She is good too)
So on with this blog
With less hullabaloo!
© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved
A maths geek comes in from the cold
It's not representative
When he's argumentative
But when making maths blogs
He outdoes most the slobs.
These blogs help me relearn
Mathematics I've spurned
When my wild days
Left my mind in a haze.
But now I am sober
(Much like a judge)
Notation is clear
For math, you can't fudge.
Knowledge comes back
I once thought I'd lost
I'm on the right track
I've paid off the cost.
Be real is now here
With a laser-like mind
Soaking up figures
And things of that kind.
Maybe in blog land
Things would be more pleasant
If those would understand
Who act like a peasant
The lady's mostly ok
(She is good too)
So on with this blog
With less hullabaloo!
© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jul 2022
About this poem:
An original lcbr poem, (from the blogs)......Poems entered on these pages are copyrighted by the authors who entered them. They cannot be reproduced without the author's written consent. © Copyright 2001-2024. All rights reserved.
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