Here is a list of Humor Poems ordered by Random, posted by members. Read poetry, post your own poems or comments. Poems on these pages are copyrighted © by the authors who entered them. Click here to post a poem.
Ode to a meat pie
the meal of one course
not for a horse
on goes the sauce
with legitimate force
mince and cheese
oh yes please
butter chicken
that's what I'm pickin'
steak and veg
I wish to pledge
is comfort food
when in the mood
not for a horse
on goes the sauce
with legitimate force
mince and cheese
oh yes please
butter chicken
that's what I'm pickin'
steak and veg
I wish to pledge
is comfort food
when in the mood
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Oct 2021
About this poem:
Studying meat pies, now in America apparently you can get only pot pies, not recommended though I see, but in NY, Michigan, Louisiana and wait for it McRadloff Wisconsin! you can get real meat pies, true?Florida you get some Latin American equivalents, SM?
Do they put Guinness in the pies in Ireland Mick??
OOOOOOH!...YOU ARE A ONE!
Oooooooh, You are a one,
When yer on ‘oliday, it’s all sand sea and fun,
With yer frizzle frazzle,
An razzle dazzle,
Ra ra skirt,
An yer bikini with tassles,
An ya stop an sniff the flowers,
Poking yer tongue out at old folks glowers,
An telling me to wake up an smell the coffee….
Well I sure did,
When I saw on yer chests,
Kiss me Kwik, and on t’other…Do ya luv me?
When yer on ‘oliday, it’s all sand sea and fun,
With yer frizzle frazzle,
An razzle dazzle,
Ra ra skirt,
An yer bikini with tassles,
An ya stop an sniff the flowers,
Poking yer tongue out at old folks glowers,
An telling me to wake up an smell the coffee….
Well I sure did,
When I saw on yer chests,
Kiss me Kwik, and on t’other…Do ya luv me?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2011
About this poem:
Aha!...holiday season is approaching...soon we will be invaded by thousands of Grockles....lol....Andrew...xxx
them lines
steel-blued rails
or tarred lane miles
cables or fables
we're layin' the lines
vapored sky lines
Internet bylines
those bar scene
come on lines
we're all layin' lines
making trails
refinin' our designs
plantin' our mines
layin' down our lines
innocence seen benign
overhead or underground
pushing straight to realign
down the lines
some lines are down
sparks on the ground
hot wired intertwines
line ahead a minus sign
heard before that ol' line
just useless goin' on
tossin' towel in to resign
bifurcate to recombine
futures seen to redefine
no talkin' on a party line
lines are down on cloud nine
© agoodguy2have 2011-06-15
or tarred lane miles
cables or fables
we're layin' the lines
vapored sky lines
Internet bylines
those bar scene
come on lines
we're all layin' lines
making trails
refinin' our designs
plantin' our mines
layin' down our lines
innocence seen benign
overhead or underground
pushing straight to realign
down the lines
some lines are down
sparks on the ground
hot wired intertwines
line ahead a minus sign
heard before that ol' line
just useless goin' on
tossin' towel in to resign
bifurcate to recombine
futures seen to redefine
no talkin' on a party line
lines are down on cloud nine
© agoodguy2have 2011-06-15
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jun 2011
About this poem:
dem lines, dem lines...
Hi
welcome thank you for stopping in
just wanted to say hi
so before you leave
i'll say my goodbye's
before you go
do me a favor
shut that damn door
thank you so kindly.
goodbye
just wanted to say hi
so before you leave
i'll say my goodbye's
before you go
do me a favor
shut that damn door
thank you so kindly.
goodbye
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Apr 2011
About this poem:
hi
Gone Fishing Part 2
He pulled out every trick he had learned from what others had been writing,
but no matter what he tried, the fish just were not biting.
He tried grubs and snails and rare Brazilian skinks; maggots,
salmon eggs, and every bait that stinks.
He finally shook his head and spoke, "That's everything I had
and not a nibble did I get, what say you, grandad?
The fisher looked at him and winked, said "You need to learn some more. Just remember there's a fine line between a fisherman, and an idiot on the shore. I told you once, now this is twice: come back and see me later. And next time don't bring along your voice, you little master baiter."
Third times the charm he thought, as he showed up on the dock
and sat down to wait the fisherman, on his favorite rock.
Two hours passed, and still he hadn't shown
the boy just sat and waited there, on the jetty all alone.
A passerby just shook his and said "Old Jed is gone. Reeled in by the greatest Fisher, been a week since he passed on.
He told me if I saw you, did my old pal Jed,
that he left you all the fishing gear that there was in his shed."
While the boy was trying cope with the fisher being dead,
his unheeding footsteps took him over to the shed.
His hands sought out a bamboo pole and a bobber made of cork,
and baited a worm upon the hook before his mind could work.
His sensibilities came to him with a little splash,
of sinker hitting water and the leaders flash.
He sat there contemplating Jed until the dawning light.
And as he sat there silently, the fish began to bite.
A lesson learned too late is still a lesson learned,
for Jed had taught the boy exactly that for which he yearned.
The fisherman is gone, no more for worldly strife,
but where he used to sit and fish, there's a new one, such is life.
but no matter what he tried, the fish just were not biting.
He tried grubs and snails and rare Brazilian skinks; maggots,
salmon eggs, and every bait that stinks.
He finally shook his head and spoke, "That's everything I had
and not a nibble did I get, what say you, grandad?
The fisher looked at him and winked, said "You need to learn some more. Just remember there's a fine line between a fisherman, and an idiot on the shore. I told you once, now this is twice: come back and see me later. And next time don't bring along your voice, you little master baiter."
Third times the charm he thought, as he showed up on the dock
and sat down to wait the fisherman, on his favorite rock.
Two hours passed, and still he hadn't shown
the boy just sat and waited there, on the jetty all alone.
A passerby just shook his and said "Old Jed is gone. Reeled in by the greatest Fisher, been a week since he passed on.
He told me if I saw you, did my old pal Jed,
that he left you all the fishing gear that there was in his shed."
While the boy was trying cope with the fisher being dead,
his unheeding footsteps took him over to the shed.
His hands sought out a bamboo pole and a bobber made of cork,
and baited a worm upon the hook before his mind could work.
His sensibilities came to him with a little splash,
of sinker hitting water and the leaders flash.
He sat there contemplating Jed until the dawning light.
And as he sat there silently, the fish began to bite.
A lesson learned too late is still a lesson learned,
for Jed had taught the boy exactly that for which he yearned.
The fisherman is gone, no more for worldly strife,
but where he used to sit and fish, there's a new one, such is life.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jul 2013
About this poem:
Part 2, since it was too big to post all at once.
Where I live
Down here where I live folks take it slow,
"Hurry"'s not a word they understand.
Ev'rything's put off til tomorrow,
Nothing's ever done when it was planned.
Even when they've got something to sell,
When you come to buy, they disappear.
Won't hear from'm for days and then they'll say,
"Waited for you man, but you weren't here."
Starting to adapt, but is that wise?
Becoming one of'm may be mistake.
Will I never get things done on time?
Guess that's just a chance I'll have to take.
Time will tell the tale, I will not change.
Just assume a false identiy.
Need protective coloration here,
It's my life, but it's not really me.
I'd sure like to stop and look around,
Guess that's just goin' to have to wait.
'Cause exploring takes much time, I've found,
And besides I'm running much too late.
"Hurry"'s not a word they understand.
Ev'rything's put off til tomorrow,
Nothing's ever done when it was planned.
Even when they've got something to sell,
When you come to buy, they disappear.
Won't hear from'm for days and then they'll say,
"Waited for you man, but you weren't here."
Starting to adapt, but is that wise?
Becoming one of'm may be mistake.
Will I never get things done on time?
Guess that's just a chance I'll have to take.
Time will tell the tale, I will not change.
Just assume a false identiy.
Need protective coloration here,
It's my life, but it's not really me.
I'd sure like to stop and look around,
Guess that's just goin' to have to wait.
'Cause exploring takes much time, I've found,
And besides I'm running much too late.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2010
About this poem:
Southwest Missouri...
"The Runaway Handbag?"
Oh gosh all torn papers
Srumpled up sayings
Poems at random
While sitting walking
Just in the Moment
I don't care!
What will they discover!
Maybe Something like this...
Like shredded pieces of paper
putting it together....
"Wristed writing
a mind not so fighting
I looked towards the falling drops
loathing the feel
then my feet so wary
I fell
no rocks at the bottom
but tender water
My splash
my body
no rings of an opening
and STILL
my Soul lay
Twisted Flax zoomed into my eye
oh how the marshes grieve
I sat alone
Yes I Sat
hidden by my screams
Yet a freedom of unspelt happiness
Who chooses
GO! gather the stars!
THROW like a wayward child!
a giggle from the rings of Saturn
or maybe
a drink
from a milky way?
One whisper
Sssshhhhhhh
be not afraid
I spread my wings of Joy
catapulted to laughter
On wraptuos clouds
I bounce
You Know
Like a child
in Glee
skipping the distances
between the rocks
a heart felt twinge
racked through my body
a stubbed toe
as blood is blood
the pain shall cease
a loving kiss
upon the forehead
all is well......
That's just a jumble of my handbag!
Peace love!
and JOY!!!!!
Or is that ENJOY!!!
Srumpled up sayings
Poems at random
While sitting walking
Just in the Moment
I don't care!
What will they discover!
Maybe Something like this...
Like shredded pieces of paper
putting it together....
"Wristed writing
a mind not so fighting
I looked towards the falling drops
loathing the feel
then my feet so wary
I fell
no rocks at the bottom
but tender water
My splash
my body
no rings of an opening
and STILL
my Soul lay
Twisted Flax zoomed into my eye
oh how the marshes grieve
I sat alone
Yes I Sat
hidden by my screams
Yet a freedom of unspelt happiness
Who chooses
GO! gather the stars!
THROW like a wayward child!
a giggle from the rings of Saturn
or maybe
a drink
from a milky way?
One whisper
Sssshhhhhhh
be not afraid
I spread my wings of Joy
catapulted to laughter
On wraptuos clouds
I bounce
You Know
Like a child
in Glee
skipping the distances
between the rocks
a heart felt twinge
racked through my body
a stubbed toe
as blood is blood
the pain shall cease
a loving kiss
upon the forehead
all is well......
That's just a jumble of my handbag!
Peace love!
and JOY!!!!!
Or is that ENJOY!!!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2012
About this poem:
a mixed bag!I'll have the Pineapple lumps, thank you!!
The Blacksmith (limerick challenge)
The blacksmith while he was hammering
did hit his thumb, oh boy how it stung
dipped it in water
got bit by an adder
boy, he swore and swore at the aching
did hit his thumb, oh boy how it stung
dipped it in water
got bit by an adder
boy, he swore and swore at the aching
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: May 2013
Post Commentcruciverbalist
there's a cruciverbalist's criss-cross
that'll take you for a loss
don't look down it'd said
a word for terrible (dread)
better let your word come across
© agoodguy2have 2010-03-24
that'll take you for a loss
don't look down it'd said
a word for terrible (dread)
better let your word come across
© agoodguy2have 2010-03-24
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2010
About this poem:
life's ups-n-downs or outta-the-box ;-)
The Teacher Learneth!
Dont be optimistic, dont be glad, dont be happy,
be bloody sad, try it for a day and see how it
sucks you'll be glad to change back,,I bet
a 100 bucks, stick it out come
what may, you'll be a better man after that day,
complain and show distain, be hyper, wish for
rain, sleep late, start a row, create,
curse and swear, show no care, don't take a
shower, cut off the power, drink till your drunk,
smell like a skunk, don't pay the bills, look for
cheap thrills, kick the door and spit on the floor,
dont give to charity, show dullness not clarity,
ignore the poor, set a lure, steal a car, sleep
in a bar, eat till you're sick, carry a stick......
now off you go, I'll be near,,,call collect, and
come meet me here................................
.............................................................
.............................................................
.............................................................
.............................................................
so, ....now you're done,.... was it fun?,,,
What you mean stick em up?
be bloody sad, try it for a day and see how it
sucks you'll be glad to change back,,I bet
a 100 bucks, stick it out come
what may, you'll be a better man after that day,
complain and show distain, be hyper, wish for
rain, sleep late, start a row, create,
curse and swear, show no care, don't take a
shower, cut off the power, drink till your drunk,
smell like a skunk, don't pay the bills, look for
cheap thrills, kick the door and spit on the floor,
dont give to charity, show dullness not clarity,
ignore the poor, set a lure, steal a car, sleep
in a bar, eat till you're sick, carry a stick......
now off you go, I'll be near,,,call collect, and
come meet me here................................
.............................................................
.............................................................
.............................................................
.............................................................
so, ....now you're done,.... was it fun?,,,
What you mean stick em up?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: May 2010
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