Most Liked Humor Poems (1,868)

I heard the rattle in my throat
That distinctive sound
Of gargling with shotgun pellets
Aunt Mavis knew what it meant
She had heard it all before
Forty years in the chicken factory
Had taught her a thing or two

But I didn’t bother to pass
Best that I just ignore it
Pearly gates never did anything for me
That’s the trouble with Atheism
You are just stuck in the middle
Looking up or down
But nowhere really to go

The milkman once said to me
Son, always be prepared
For what lies on the other side
I wasn’t sure what he meant
So I crossed the busy road
Still holding the four leaf clover
I had stolen from the dead man's hand
And clutching the St Christopher
Aunt Mavis swore would keep me safe
Forty years in the chicken factory
Had taught her a thing or two

They was advertised at the store
Death rattles for sale
Buy one, get one free
Why would you ever want two?
When one would always be
Much more than sufficient
Still, better to be safe than sorry

Howdee partner,
can I call you Jesse James,
a fine write you have there mister.
it's all good old name of the game!

from folks down Dakota south,
boy you got us talking all the way up north,
I ain't hinting and saying all that,
you got us where you want us, I'm just saying lad.

Now Indians and cowboys,
oh what the heck boy,
forgotten what's like those good old days,
you bring all those back with a little whack and bang.

Tis just the way we used to play,
with water bombs and toy guns,
county and woods and a rush of adventure,
bring the whole group of folks together.

by the way I've got news for you,
if you are the kid I've heard from the news,
there's a price on your tiny head,
A hundred gold coins and the most wanted!

even Billy the kid ain't tough enough,
to brush your name from tis page ,
I'll be waiting for you at poets corner,
for a western duel here at high noon.

you got your cowboy hat,
I'll bring my Indian Axe,
tis town ain't big for both of us,
its either you,me or the rest of the pack!

I'm known from tis part of town,
as Ancient Bullman the red Indian,
I've got Cafe to watch my back,
On your corner who do you have?

and when its all over,
we'll run faster than the wolves,
to take a frantic cover,
from the county famous sheriff!

they say he is Lightning Macduff,
and strike fears with his name,
always leaving behind his cuffs,
riding on a big horse log!

Good day, Ma'am is that you Miss Daisy?
Say you won't happen to know about my cousin,
She goes by the name Cherry bunny,
and she has a mighty lucky bunny feet!

Would you join me in Pow Wow?
with the rest of the family,
we'll do a thousand jumping Jacks,
while Jesse Will show you the ropes to Rodeo!

ROs eS aRe rrED
AN D veeletts ;¿ R bLoW

P e GG y arE purdey.(» ANd
Sew R Su e...to
for 2 b e Sue U 2 . IS
A
BJump Into blue
So!! Go fOr S ue tOO!

PEGGy w e n t HOme 2!&

To market,to market with my uncle Jim.

Someone threw a tomato at him,

Tomatoes dont hurt i said to him.

This fxxker did because it came in a tin.

Why feed her red lobster when you got the dollar menu .

Merry Christmas to all
&
Happy Hanukkah
&
Enjoyment of the Festival of Lights
(To those of the Jewish faith)
And everyone else!

To all!

~ May your Days be Happy & Bright! ~

~ Especially may you enjoy Christmas Eve Night ~

My desire is to wish

A

Very Merry Christmas to all

The wonderful people on Connecting Singles

Who are to many to wish it to singularly!

JimEee

Not every diamond seemed as you
You always felt being a silver.
You were so precious to others,
But underestimated by self
The only Diamond
Not for no confidence, but to make it easy for people
To reach or get a diamond that queens ever wished to have.
You were so kind that none found as you,
No one loved you the way you loved to be theirs.
You were so lucky to be this diamond that
None had the intelligence to know your priceless worth,
You helped everyone to ease it for them to know you
They always failed forever.
The diamond that people valued was to be sold,
But you were being free, none got to you because you were free and priceless free

Girl you so sweet I would maybe like to meet. I hope you like KFC that's the place to be so think about it girl so I can sweep you off your feet.

"You Can't Fix Stupid" is a valid conclusion from comedian Ron White
overwhelming proof witnessed convinced me he's absolutely right
Of all that is broken in life maybe most likely irreparable is humanity
repudiate if you must but human behavior is succumbing to insanity

Belittling others masks displeasure with oneself and it's easier to do on-line
like a child you punish by denying CANDY... responses turn into whine
I don't like humans much because they're so FAKE and morally sinking
fully trust I cannot knowing deceiving has become easier than blinking

I too ascertained because one is educated doesn't mean they're intelligent
academics instantly display arrogance but the intellect is less than evident
THE LEFT is all the reason needed to believe "You Can't Fix Stupid"
constant lying nonsense they exhaust isn't symbolic of anything lucid

People dodge reality while unconditionally worshipping an unfounded being
believers and opponents argue their side which always results in disagreeing
"People Can't Handle The Truth" and why they choose not to I understand
some likely deem my writes "Stupid" but behind everyone I firmly stand

Stupidity permeates our world and a huge majority falls out of peoples yap
we mustn't give up on "Fixing Stupid"...maybe 'Watson' will create an App

poems in silence
sparse as winter branches
leaving a few disheveled words
without a script