Most Liked Humor Poems (1,865)

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office
The podiatrist asks "How can I help you sir?"
Moth: "Well you know how it goes, I've been married to the same Mrs Moth for 30 years, and we just go through the motions, I feel any spark has long ago gone..
Podiatrist:" Aha.."
Moth: "And my kids have all grown up and flown, one got pregnant to a moth I don't like and the other threw in his college education and joined a commune. I just feel like life isn't delivering for me anymore.."
Podiatrist: "I see, it does sound like you need to talk to a psychiatrist, why did you come in to see me?"
Moth: "Well, the light was on.."

There's a lamp-stand in the corner
it shine its light down on the floor
a red moon out my window
brought the sheriff to my door

I said the whisky made us frisky
we was fighting tooth and claw
she was dancing on my table
with her body in the raw

Then she stole my sports car
took the money from the drawer
while I was sleeping off the drinking
she was running from the law

Last time I'll bed little Suzie
with the hips you can't ignore
with her two guns and ammunition
and appetite to score

I have a weakness in my sight as I am getting old,

I thought it was my girlfriend I saw shiver with the cold,

I placed my hands around her bum, and said I'll warm you dear,

In shock the strange girl screamed and swung a slap to my left ear.

My dentures flew into the air, and landed down her front,

And as I dived to fetch them, it was like a treasure hunt,

My hand became entangled in the loose threads of her bra,

And as I pulled it off her, half the street yelled out HURRAH !

I took my T shirt off so I could cover her bare chest,

And then arrived a Copper with the two of us half dressed,

I couldn't hear him as he spoke, my left ear partly deaf,

And with no teeth I could not speak, a word that starts with " F "

He brought us to the station where my girlfriend was in wait,

And written all across her face, was jealousy and hate,

It took me all my might to prove, that I was innocent,

And finally they all believed, it was not my intent.

Imagine all of this was caused because of poor eyesight,

And that poor girl will ne'er forget the day she got that fright,

I sat there with a red ear and a bag of cold ice cubes,

And to the lads now boast, "I got my teeth into her boobs".

I don't know how it comes to me but surprisingly it's there
Words I see words I write and words I've got to share
I'll never be on a yacht just a little sailboat
And always a breeze that's only fair

It's never sleek never suave the captain never sleeps
He only takes a nap forgets where puts the map
And he doesn't seem to care it's just a little sailboat
And the breeze is always only fair

Looking up he sees the sky is blue
Looking down he sees a little hole and he needs a little glue
Suddenly the sky turns red so sailor beware
It's just a little sailboat and the breeze is always only fair

Did you ever look at the night sky and wonder?, did you ever look at a newborn baby and wonder? Did you ever look at Niagra falls or the Pyramids in Egypt and wonder? I was just wondering!

Why are we soo obsessed, craving forgiveness, wanting to be blessed? soo many channels on tv, send your money so you can be free, how much does it take to enter the pearly gate?

If I send to you all I've got,, will it get me in?, will it not? How much will it take? How much will you make?, What's God's cut for this saving grace? Will he meet me face to face? Does he take cheques? Cash?, or a credit card? This is too complicated, it's too hard, I'm destined for hell,,, yep , guess I fell.

Steely Dan be damned
pretzels you can't use
I want to tour the Southland
in me ultra fancy shoes

I have never met Napoleon
but I plan to find the time
we'll share some pepperoni
and a margarita topped with lime

we'd get a raucous chorus
a travelling minstrel show
but those days are gone forever
over a long time ago

I won't respond if you say this or that, I won't
be available for nonsense chat, I won't accept
text or anything next, I won't reply if I think you
lie, I won't be here to communicate, I won't, I
won't...this is so......why am I alone?....I just
don't know.

The cherubic boy, with arrow, will strike;
Let the grog flow, so the self-obsessed;
May each then reel - and perhaps find delight;
(Then forget the way in which they have transgressed);
With each drink, become as high as a kite;
It's all because a young lad, half-undressed;
Decided to join in the bright festivities;-
(Reflecting badly on cherub proclivities).

The cherubic imp's as invisible as air;
Flutt'ring on pinions, with bow, and with arrow;
When you've thought you've seen him, he isn't there;
Though you may hear his wings swish like a sparrow;
Close to your ear, or to ruffle your hair; -
(No need to read your fortune with tarot); -
Of Venus and Mars, he may have been born; -
But tonight, he's an imp - in modern form.

And his work is so tiring in this nightclub;
The heat, the noise, the crowd, and the music;
Cupid needs refreshment - and here's the rub;
He's not meant to drink, or he'll become sick;
Last time, at a dinner party, he fell into a bathtub;-
After drinking a cocktail, he fell like a brick;-
(Before this, he'd used the drink's swizzle stick;-
As an arrow, to shoot at the cat, the dumb prick!)*

Cupid's developed a taste for the booze;
(He thought it gave his flight extra verve);
Romantic liaisons were now his to choose;
(So long as he flies, and can keep his nerve);
And for this reason the grog he would use;
To keep his arrows true - for them not to swerve;
Though he doesn't fly too well when he's liquored;
And on this night, our Cupid
gets shickered!

For the first few drinks, the boy kept his eye;
Steadfastly on a man across the room;
Through angelic peepers, he did espy;
Subversive conduct going on all too soon;
The man with bad thoughts, well now he did try;
To spike a ladies drink - (the bloody goon);
Cupid shoots an arrow (before he is pissed);
A damn good shot! - It hits the man on the wrist!

This "gentleman", well, he lets out a howl;
The drug meant for her, is now on the floor;
And despite being as pissed as an owl;
He feels pain in his arm, like nothing before;
The girl now sees his hideous scowl;
She gathers her things, then bolts for the door;
Well that's quite nice - a crisis averted;
The boy saves a lady who would have been skirted.

Well, being a boy of very high virtue;
Cupid does not hang around for too long;
He's busy tonight, and there is much to do;
On gossamer wings, powered by angel's song;
He flits 'cross the room, (after stopping this snafu);
But stops on the way - to drink some more grog;
As well as cocktails, the imp likes champagne;
(And sadly for him, again, and again).

Though just as a sylph, and angel in flight;
(The baby-faced cherub is pretty far gone);
He's conscious enough, to now find delight;
In promoting the odd drunken liaison;
(If he knows in the morning, at the first light;
Lasting love will come from reckless passion);-
The cherubic rouge's old, despite his young years;
He sees all the girls, through veils of their tears.

The coquettish boy - (harbinger of doom);
Is out of his mind, and in no fit state;
To do much after this, now that the room;
Is spinning and giddy, and the hour late;
The debauchery, and moral vacuum;
Increases; (and all the more insensate;
Grows the cherubic mind, with each drink taken);-
Well, so I despair!;- poor Cupid's forsaken!

And so, our Cupid's really on a bender;
Now all he has left, is but ersatz love;
Then they all say: "the kid's a pretender";
(With flight no more graceful, like a dove);
He loses his gyros, and thus bends a fender;
When he falls like a stone, from his high perch above;
Now, it's an inverted aspect, for Cupid;-
He's stunned, and c*ck eye'd, and lying there stupid.


© lovecanbereal
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I,m going around in circles in my mind
Reminiscing, I found is blocking the bad
and reliving the fun.
Did i do that? Oh yes i did.
I was so young without fear nor cares.
But time goes forward and taught me
life is not always fair.
Now my circle is nearly complete
I leap over all the bad
to the child i was.
Re-living the dares, yes
a bit of drunkenness too.
I rock in my chair with tears, but of laughter
at the daring reckless girl i was.
I am going back there for sure.
Happy laughing, reckless, no fear.
What a way to start and now end
Opening the door and reliving those times again