Most Liked Humor Poems (1,865)

The Indians thought they had it most
the English brought them tea and toast
the Spanish weren't a worthy host
the Father, Son and Holy Ghost
the airline tickets in the post
the weathers fine you have to boast
but its hard to find a Sunday roast
if your chips are down on the Mosquito Coast

To clap or not to clap
That is the question
Whether it is nobler to clap only when there is a great performance
And give the slings and arrows of absolute silence
Or to yell out insults of ridicule
To die on stage
To sleep no more
And by to say we end our future performances
So there will be no heartache from a thousand natural shocks
The crowds seems more into consumption of their sandwiches
Their beer swilling
Now there's the rub
But I still have a dream
To perform a performance that will give them hope
Make them dream
May there be all bad performances forgotten
And all good ones remembered forever
And that the clapping and good will
Will be mine

Bored of hanging on there
An overstretched sweater
On a clearance rack
Would somebody take a notice
And help him back on track
The quality of the fabric
Soft to the gentle touch
The stream of warmth to share
At a deeply discounted price
Just hanging on out there
Not asking for much..

Xi Jinping and the Rejuvenators
rocking the house
I'm quaffing champagne at the
album release party
Xi in immaculate blue tie
"Tai i i wan, is on my side
oh yes it is
Tai i i wan, is on my side
oh yes it is"
he's tight
its funky
a night mover
the man epitomises
cultural destiny
I have another crab sandwich
Biden's asleep at the table
his aides do the clapping
soothing East-West tensions
they'll all get signed copies
promising good press release
for tonight at least
all the war dogs
and battle hardened men
can sleep well in their bunkers

2.30 in the afternoon is my favourite time
before schools get out
and all that offspring pours into the streets
sweat, hormones and puritanical socialism
bustling on foot, bikes and buses.
You can go two ways at 2.30
sleep on the couch
or go out with still enough time in the day
to succeed at something, anything really,
but let's face it, you probably won't,
so snoring works just fine by me.
10 am has a sense of urgency,
which is totally annoying for the idle
best avoided, sleep through it if you can,
rise at 11 for brunch.
5 pm is depressing, it involves hunger
and the realization that another day went by
without achievement, pour a solid drink
7.30 is better, dinner settles, and
any depressing encounter with the news is gone
and then you can enjoy
the spirit of the night
11.00 is bed, pray for 12 hours of relief,
if you're lucky you'll get 8,
forever shortchanged.

What do I want for Christmas?
End slavery in places like the Ivory Coast so my Reese's can be made
With people who are paid a livable wage with good working conditions
Get rid of the masks so don't have to breath in bad air
Give me some snow, it snowed a few times in November, but nothing yet in December
Get rid of drugs like meth so other families don't have to go broke
Make it so all nursing home residents get visits from their family members instead Of the pitiful four percent that do get a weekly visit
Make it so I don't have to be afraid when I go to work
Make people good so they don't harm others with their words or their actions
Make Biden step down so we can get a good president like Bernie Sanders
Give me the ability to hit a good consistent golf swing so I can join the PGA and get paid doing something I love
Make music as good now as it was in the 80's
Bring my dad and Michael Jackson back from the dead because I miss them
Make people be happy and well taken care of at all times in their lives
Give me a house so you can come down my chimney

She penned it by the water
deep within the fjord
folded into quarter
my Xmas card from a broad

She wished me joyful tidings
it struck a pleasant chord
I'll have to return the sentiment
my Xmas card from a broad

I'll send her sexy nightwear
the best I can afford
promise a future liaison
my Xmas card from a broad

But she's half my age and distant
and I can only thank the Lord
my prowess won't soon be put to test
my Xmas card from a broad

I remember the light, beckoning me home, the promise of love,I wont be alone, so I followed the light, in wonderment and awe, now Ill tell you where I went and what I saw, a tunnel I followed, with light at the end, come into our world my dearest friend, there were people there at the end of the light, to hold me close, to hold me tight, I felt that they loved me, they welcomed me home, to be with them and never alone, so I stayed, and grew to know, this is how it is,, this is so,, thats how it was, but then I died, I saw the the light,,, a tunnel of love, I'd been there before, I know what that means,, its not what it seems.

Let your Love Shine!
It's Time!

Loves time
Opportunities of Grace
space Interactions:

Grandmas
Are
Just
Antique little girls!
They still love
Ribbons roses
And pretty little things
To Jump & Dance for Joy!
To let their Love Shine
Is to be close to the Divine!
To touch the hem
Of Christs' Garment Divine!
Let your Love Shine!
Be it the beat of the drums
The keys on a piano
The strings on a cello!
Songs Lyrics in your Soul

Love lets
The little kid
In you
Come out & Play

With creativity time
Sharing, Caring,
Living, loving, Learning
Daily by the minute
Make the most of your precious moments
Never take them for granted
The space Dear
That moment
Between heaven & earth
Where the angels
Visit Divine
Shine
The thin line of the Gossamer web
To entertain the Christ unawares

Story time
Precious time with a child
Be kind unwind
thoughtful time
Be it crayons stories
Arts and crafts paper
Paint games math sports
Music arts plays concerts
Quality one on one attention
Unconditional unselfish
True interaction
Swimming

Individuality is where we All
Need to Shine
With the Divine
Angels for mankind
To inspire the human Race
With thoughts of
David Sophia & Carolina
Hands & Thoughts
That Intertwine
Be it love hugs sewing
Teamwork in the kitchen

Without individuality there is no creativity to Enlighten
The soul to shine
for Gods intended purpose
Evil attempts & tries to nip a bud from blossoming
To dominate control
To wither dry up droop
Separate divide
Drop from the mother vine
The security of her Grace
The shade of Love
But Love will
Always win the race

Evil can never stop
Gods creation
Like Jesus Christ
# 1 Best seller
for over 2000 years
You can try to torture him,
Murder him
And burn all the Bible's
On Earth
But humanity will find a way to read it & share it
For it heals & gives peace

Loves
Yarn spinning in sync.
In rhythm designing warmth
In a hugging winter hat

music singing
Harmony complimenting
Melody
Love reflecting Love
Dreams of peaceful
Loving
Times
Of Grace
&
Thoughtfulness
Of Peace on Earth
Goodwill to
Men & Women
Mankind
Compassion
Love is All there is!
Peace should be our only Goal!
Giving someone
Our undivided attention
Be it man woman child
Compassion to a Grandmother
Adult or Child
Make the time
Take the time
The human race
depends on it
Thrives on it
Excels shines rejuvenates
Inspires heals lifts up
Elevates

Bathed in Beauty and light (MBE)
The cultivation of your children
Is more important than the cultivation of your garden (MBE)

Set down those cell phones
Turn off those devices
Love is not defined
By a phone glued to your ear
Or fingers to a lap top

Dare you
double triple dare u
Shut them off
Phones computers lap top
Return to the old fashioned
Ways in your home heart love hugs kisses kitchen

Wrap your arms around her waist when she's washing
Dishes at the kitchen sink
She's just prepared a
Lovely meal for you!

Snuggle
Kiss her cheek
Nibble on her neck
Kiss under the mistletoe

Wear your apron
Use those hands hugs kisses love
Give of your hearts willingly
Freely
No greater Joy
Than to share give smile
Grin laugh giggle
Smirk with contentment
Sending loving smirks
Of contentment
Back & forth!
Gestures of Loves
Non verbal communication
Appreciation
Admiration
Respect!

Homemade bread from human hands
Not bread-makers
The difference
Between night & day
Love the most important
Ingredient!

Seasons Greetings
December 2019
Lovingly

Rachael_0622

I went to a bar that they call the last chance
I asked this pretty lady if she wanted to dance
She looked at me and smiled and as I began to grin
Her boyfriend walked right up and hit me on the chin

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
I'll never find the right one for me
But I won't frown I'll just sit my butt back down
Bartender pour me another shot of JD

I went to a grocery store never been there in my life
A friend wrote and told me that's where he met his wife
So I walked up to a pretty lady and asked her for a date
She turned around, looked at me and whacked me with a steak

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
I'll never find the right one in here
Feels like I'm going blind while standing in this line
Please ring up another case of beer

I went to a party they said it would be fun
We all whooped and hollered but I didn't know anyone
I asked this pretty lady if she'd tell me her name
She just looked, cracked her whip and asked if I was tame

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
I'll never find a good girl or friend
That party's all wrong, don't wanna be whipped on
I'll cuddle up with my bottle of gin

I went to a nightclub that had a good floor show
A dozen pretty ladies came walking through the door
One looked over my way and gave a little wink
Then she walked right up to me and offered me a drink

We sat, we laughed, we talked and talked for a long long while
And I was so enchanted every time she smiled
I said I'd better make her mine as soon as I can
When we got into her bed I found she was a man

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
A thousand drinks won't bring me that much cheer
I may be alone I think I'll make it on my own
Cause I'll be darned if I'll take it in the rear.

~ANONI~