Here is a list of Humor Poems ordered by Most Liked, posted by members. Read poetry, post your own poems or comments. Poems on these pages are copyrighted © by the authors who entered them. Click here to post a poem.
MY TELEPHONE INSIDE
Call waiting?
Not now,
Three-way?
And how,
Leave a message?
I may read it,
Block me?
Well I don't need it,
On hold?
For freakin' ever,
Call forwarding?
I may never,
Caller ID?
Just who this be?
LED readout?
Yeah, I see,
My brain is like a network,
Of entangled spaghetti vermicelli,
Taking & sending endless calls,
Like those scammers in New Delhi,
Is there a reason for this rhyme?
Seems I may not have a clue,
Cause every time I call myself to inquire,
The damn busy signal just won't let me through!
Not now,
Three-way?
And how,
Leave a message?
I may read it,
Block me?
Well I don't need it,
On hold?
For freakin' ever,
Call forwarding?
I may never,
Caller ID?
Just who this be?
LED readout?
Yeah, I see,
My brain is like a network,
Of entangled spaghetti vermicelli,
Taking & sending endless calls,
Like those scammers in New Delhi,
Is there a reason for this rhyme?
Seems I may not have a clue,
Cause every time I call myself to inquire,
The damn busy signal just won't let me through!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2018
About this poem:
Self talk. Be ready 24/7 for a "call" from your Telephone Inside. Just might be the one you've been waiting for.Just a little humor.
INTERNAL LIE DETECTOR
Can't seem to control it,
It hits me every time,
Even when I slip up,
And don't get something right,
It's exactly like a watchdog,
Who watches everything I do,
Don't know where it came from,
And I don't know what to do,
See, every time I'm wrong,
Whether it's my fault or not,
I get a sharp stabbing pain,
Smack in the middle of my gut
Why does this happen?
And should I be grateful?
Is it an Angel from God?
Or is it merely fateful?
It hits me every time,
Even when I slip up,
And don't get something right,
It's exactly like a watchdog,
Who watches everything I do,
Don't know where it came from,
And I don't know what to do,
See, every time I'm wrong,
Whether it's my fault or not,
I get a sharp stabbing pain,
Smack in the middle of my gut
Why does this happen?
And should I be grateful?
Is it an Angel from God?
Or is it merely fateful?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2018
About this poem:
Real reaction I feel when I'm untruthful, whether on purpose or not.
Dilemma Lemon
I got something you want to read
You got something you want to say
But you can't say a thing cause you don't write
Now aint that a dilemma lemon
So here is another line
Won't you take another bite
Detectives are everywhere but poetry is not a crime
Are you mad because my hair won't completely disappear
No it's stuck at just looking fine
I think I'll take a stroll a little walk
Enjoy the scenery along the way tote an umbrella in case of rain
I won't complain and when it's a sunny day you can fly a kite
Now aint that a dilemma lemon
So here is another line
Won't you take another bite
You got something you want to say
But you can't say a thing cause you don't write
Now aint that a dilemma lemon
So here is another line
Won't you take another bite
Detectives are everywhere but poetry is not a crime
Are you mad because my hair won't completely disappear
No it's stuck at just looking fine
I think I'll take a stroll a little walk
Enjoy the scenery along the way tote an umbrella in case of rain
I won't complain and when it's a sunny day you can fly a kite
Now aint that a dilemma lemon
So here is another line
Won't you take another bite
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Sep 2018
Post CommentCousins
I like my cousins they all like me
They're the best cousins that ever could be
They've all got medals for good behavior
And they are humble naturally
They're all good lookin' with hearts of gold
And talk of bravery there's none so bold
The friendliest people in this world
But of course I'm just talking about the girls
And now they love me even more after reading this
I know their day now will be so bliss
This is what good cousins should always do
Unto to others so I'll start with you
They're the best cousins that ever could be
They've all got medals for good behavior
And they are humble naturally
They're all good lookin' with hearts of gold
And talk of bravery there's none so bold
The friendliest people in this world
But of course I'm just talking about the girls
And now they love me even more after reading this
I know their day now will be so bliss
This is what good cousins should always do
Unto to others so I'll start with you
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Oct 2018
Post Comment
~ Lie to Me ~
~ Lie To Me ~
Tell me that you love me
Tell me that you care
Tell me that you want me for your life to share
Tell me that I am the only one and that you always will be true
Tell me all the things I want to hear, then I will lie to you
You are so beautiful and I want you so
You are so intelligent, of course this you surely know
You are the only one for me and I love you more each day
You have the body of a Goddess of this I can truly say
You chase all the passionate wanted men away
A lie can be a secret, one that you can regret
A lie can be big or small, it can put you into it’s never ending debt
A lie can grow & grow until it consumes you so
A lie can start out small but surely destructive grow
A lie can be a headache as surely as we live and breath
~ Tell me a lie ~
~ And I will tell you one to ~
~ Do you really care ~
~ I Do ~
Poet
JimEee
Tell me that you love me
Tell me that you care
Tell me that you want me for your life to share
Tell me that I am the only one and that you always will be true
Tell me all the things I want to hear, then I will lie to you
You are so beautiful and I want you so
You are so intelligent, of course this you surely know
You are the only one for me and I love you more each day
You have the body of a Goddess of this I can truly say
You chase all the passionate wanted men away
A lie can be a secret, one that you can regret
A lie can be big or small, it can put you into it’s never ending debt
A lie can grow & grow until it consumes you so
A lie can start out small but surely destructive grow
A lie can be a headache as surely as we live and breath
~ Tell me a lie ~
~ And I will tell you one to ~
~ Do you really care ~
~ I Do ~
Poet
JimEee
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Oct 2018
About this poem:
Do you care?Now tell me ~ Don't Lie!
Lol
The Doctor
My mind keeps playing the role of a doctor
Another therapy session every day or two
There was a girl that's why my chart has lots of pages doctor
My mind keeps trying to fix my heart from missing you
The doctor says this is all very confidential
There's no one in the room but me
I keep asking to see his credentials
He say he's still going to the school of poetry
I can see this is getting me nowhere
But he's the only doctor I can find
My insurance has all this covered
But what if she uncovers this heart of mine
The doctor said this session is over
I don't know when the next appointment will be
His prescription was a four leaf clover
But it's going to take more than luck to find a cure for me
Another therapy session every day or two
There was a girl that's why my chart has lots of pages doctor
My mind keeps trying to fix my heart from missing you
The doctor says this is all very confidential
There's no one in the room but me
I keep asking to see his credentials
He say he's still going to the school of poetry
I can see this is getting me nowhere
But he's the only doctor I can find
My insurance has all this covered
But what if she uncovers this heart of mine
The doctor said this session is over
I don't know when the next appointment will be
His prescription was a four leaf clover
But it's going to take more than luck to find a cure for me
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Nov 2018
Post CommentMandela Effect
Mandela effect what's it all about
Either it is or it isn't once I was for sure
But now I have some doubts
Are there any old history teachers still around
I need someone to clear up my mind
Of all the crazy things I've accidently found
I'd better check my brand of coffee
It doesn't seem to be waking me up
Why do I suddenly have 3 different favorite cups
How many things can change so fast
What happened to the past it's hard for me to recall
Who's to say anyway if I really wrote this poem at all
So if you didn't know about this before
You'll have fun finding out you were wrong
I won't say anymore but welcome to the mandela zone
Either it is or it isn't once I was for sure
But now I have some doubts
Are there any old history teachers still around
I need someone to clear up my mind
Of all the crazy things I've accidently found
I'd better check my brand of coffee
It doesn't seem to be waking me up
Why do I suddenly have 3 different favorite cups
How many things can change so fast
What happened to the past it's hard for me to recall
Who's to say anyway if I really wrote this poem at all
So if you didn't know about this before
You'll have fun finding out you were wrong
I won't say anymore but welcome to the mandela zone
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Nov 2018
Post Comment
Bottle of Love (A Saga)
For many weeks
I searched high and low
Among soggy cheese sandwiches
Covered with a green dough
Under the bed
With an amount of trepidation
But only found a refugee
From some far off Nation
I checked every drawer
In my very tall chest
And found another refugee
In a very dirty white vest
Behind the sofa
Amidst a furore of dust
No bottle of love
Just a mouldy old pie
With a very hard crust
I searched the kitchen
Though staring evil eyed potatoes
And a mountain of old greens
Then found it hiding
Behind a decrepit tin of beans
I drank with a lust
Hoping to find my lost mate
Then noticed the bottle
Was ten years out of date
My stomach churned
And my blood did boil
And next my trousers
I really did soil
So there is a moral
To a sad and lonely tale
Stick to the sell by date
Or your love life will fail
I searched high and low
Among soggy cheese sandwiches
Covered with a green dough
Under the bed
With an amount of trepidation
But only found a refugee
From some far off Nation
I checked every drawer
In my very tall chest
And found another refugee
In a very dirty white vest
Behind the sofa
Amidst a furore of dust
No bottle of love
Just a mouldy old pie
With a very hard crust
I searched the kitchen
Though staring evil eyed potatoes
And a mountain of old greens
Then found it hiding
Behind a decrepit tin of beans
I drank with a lust
Hoping to find my lost mate
Then noticed the bottle
Was ten years out of date
My stomach churned
And my blood did boil
And next my trousers
I really did soil
So there is a moral
To a sad and lonely tale
Stick to the sell by date
Or your love life will fail
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2018
About this poem:
First one for a couple of years, back to a trusted style~ Hear the Children Singing ~
~ Hear The Children Singing ~
Happily Jingling
~ Ding A-Ling ~
~ Ding A-Ling ~
Christmas Bells are Ringing ~
Christmas Bells are Ringing ~
Ding A-Ling!
Ding A-Ling!
Snowflakes “R” falling ~
Snowflakes “R” falling ~
Ding A-Ling!
Ding A-Ling!
Santa’s sleigh is coming ~
Santa’s sleigh is coming ~
Ringing his Bell!
Singing ~ Ding A-Ling, Ding A-Ling!
~ Merry Christmas to You All ~
Santa’s Elf Poet
JimEee
Happily Jingling
~ Ding A-Ling ~
~ Ding A-Ling ~
Christmas Bells are Ringing ~
Christmas Bells are Ringing ~
Ding A-Ling!
Ding A-Ling!
Snowflakes “R” falling ~
Snowflakes “R” falling ~
Ding A-Ling!
Ding A-Ling!
Santa’s sleigh is coming ~
Santa’s sleigh is coming ~
Ringing his Bell!
Singing ~ Ding A-Ling, Ding A-Ling!
~ Merry Christmas to You All ~
Santa’s Elf Poet
JimEee
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2018
About this poem:
~ For the Children ~Children's Ditty!
Doctor jokes
Patient: Doctor, why do I always feel sick at the airport?
Doctor: Sounds like you have a terminal illness
Doctor: I’ve got very bad news – you’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s.
Patient: Well, at least I don’t have cancer.
Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I've turned into a dog!
Doctor: ...ok..., well sit down on this chair and tell me about it.
Patient: I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.
A guy walks into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
Doctor: Sounds like you have a terminal illness
Doctor: I’ve got very bad news – you’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s.
Patient: Well, at least I don’t have cancer.
Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I've turned into a dog!
Doctor: ...ok..., well sit down on this chair and tell me about it.
Patient: I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.
A guy walks into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2018
About this poem:
Merry Xmas, can't resist a few jokesPoems entered on these pages are copyrighted by the authors who entered them. They cannot be reproduced without the author's written consent. © Copyright 2001-2024. All rights reserved.
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