Here is a list of Humor Poems ordered by Most Liked, posted by members. Read poetry, post your own poems or comments. Poems on these pages are copyrighted © by the authors who entered them. Click here to post a poem.
Horse jokes
A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.
“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse says, “Buddy—you read my mind!”
How do you make an appaloosa? Shake the tree
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.
“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse says, “Buddy—you read my mind!”
How do you make an appaloosa? Shake the tree
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Nov 2022
About this poem:
There's something about horses..
All we need is love)))
Do you want me to give you my love?
Yes. Give it to me...
First I would like to ask ...
Any question.
Suppose I knock on your door
I'll let you in.
And if I will cheat on you?
I will forgive .
And if I tell you: die! ..
I will die.
And if there will be a pain?
I will accept it
And if there appears a wall between us?
I will break it.
Still want me to give you my love?
Yes, give it to me
This will never happen!
Why?!
Because I do not need a slave))))
Yes. Give it to me...
First I would like to ask ...
Any question.
Suppose I knock on your door
I'll let you in.
And if I will cheat on you?
I will forgive .
And if I tell you: die! ..
I will die.
And if there will be a pain?
I will accept it
And if there appears a wall between us?
I will break it.
Still want me to give you my love?
Yes, give it to me
This will never happen!
Why?!
Because I do not need a slave))))
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2021
About this poem:
Just wanted to wish Happy 2022 to all our poets! stay safe, healthy, loving and loved ones))
Wondering
Im kinda of angry at life, its promise was more than it could be,,,I loved you more than I could see,,, wow,, aint that cool,, love poetry,,written like a fool,,just shows you what life means, anyone can say anything, hey,,, I love beans,,,or burger and chips,,, can I kiss you on the lips? Would you like a doner?,,, dont be a loner.... lets do this together,,,suddenly,, we are together forever!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2021
Post CommentThe viral blues
A jazz band
Playing via Zoom
Through the fog of fever
In the room
A sneezing guitar
An anosmic saxophone
A trembling bass
A confused piano
A hickuping trumpet
A coughing drum
And a hoarse-voiced singer
All wishing
A Happy New 2022 Year
And for Covid
To disappear
Playing via Zoom
Through the fog of fever
In the room
A sneezing guitar
An anosmic saxophone
A trembling bass
A confused piano
A hickuping trumpet
A coughing drum
And a hoarse-voiced singer
All wishing
A Happy New 2022 Year
And for Covid
To disappear
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2022
About this poem:
Happy New 2022 to us!The Flying Dutchman
The Flying Dutchman glides on waves.
That image haunts me for many days,
It raises questions
And some quests work
Who is this strange wandering shade ?
Where is his harbor or his port?
Maybe he is reckless?
Maybe not.
Is he not too welcoming?
No, rather silent and strange .
Can he not come back ?
It doesn't matter anyway.
Is he a corvette,
Galleon, caravel or frigate?
Nobody knows it,
But yet I confess
He really exists
As a shade,
Drifting in my dreams
That image haunts me for many days,
It raises questions
And some quests work
Who is this strange wandering shade ?
Where is his harbor or his port?
Maybe he is reckless?
Maybe not.
Is he not too welcoming?
No, rather silent and strange .
Can he not come back ?
It doesn't matter anyway.
Is he a corvette,
Galleon, caravel or frigate?
Nobody knows it,
But yet I confess
He really exists
As a shade,
Drifting in my dreams
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2021
About this poem:
Just 15 minutes of glory to Flying Dutchman ...The ghost of Chairman Mao
I was running in Majorca
at some indecent hour
when in the road
I came upon
the ghost of Chairman Mao
The acrylic shorted stalker
stopped me with a bow
I kneed him in the bollock zone
the ghost of Chairman Mao
He didn't take it kindly
a spectral sort of sour
then dropped me with a Kung Fu leap
the ghost of Chairman Mao
I hiked it down an alleyway
but with supernatural power
he relieved me of my running shorts
the ghost of Chairman Mao
So take it as a warning
as a warning take it now
its best to raise a platitude
if you meet the ghost of Chairman Mao
at some indecent hour
when in the road
I came upon
the ghost of Chairman Mao
The acrylic shorted stalker
stopped me with a bow
I kneed him in the bollock zone
the ghost of Chairman Mao
He didn't take it kindly
a spectral sort of sour
then dropped me with a Kung Fu leap
the ghost of Chairman Mao
I hiked it down an alleyway
but with supernatural power
he relieved me of my running shorts
the ghost of Chairman Mao
So take it as a warning
as a warning take it now
its best to raise a platitude
if you meet the ghost of Chairman Mao
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2021
About this poem:
In John Cooper Clarke style, some light relief.
the dog
mumble, mumble, mumble , phew
looks like the poodle done a poo
scrapers, wipes and sprays too
now your off to have a spew
your turning green and going to chuck
while that damm dog runs amuck
who is to blame you ask all's there
looking around with their hands in the air
bloody dog you say must go
but the floor is all clean no spots dp show
he he comes for a pat
maybe time to by that mat.
looks like the poodle done a poo
scrapers, wipes and sprays too
now your off to have a spew
your turning green and going to chuck
while that damm dog runs amuck
who is to blame you ask all's there
looking around with their hands in the air
bloody dog you say must go
but the floor is all clean no spots dp show
he he comes for a pat
maybe time to by that mat.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jul 2021
About this poem:
yes bored and yet more flows out.bark
bark ,bark ,bark,bark
hey you stop that yap
bark,bark,bark,bark
now right cut that crap
bark,bark,bark,bark
you know i can see you
bark,bark,bark,bark
right now i'm getting a shoe
bark,bark,bark,bark
my god will it never end
bark,bark,bark,bark
before it send's me right round the bend
bark,bark,bark,bark
hey are you nearly done
bark ,bark,bark,bark
right now you had better run.
hey you stop that yap
bark,bark,bark,bark
now right cut that crap
bark,bark,bark,bark
you know i can see you
bark,bark,bark,bark
right now i'm getting a shoe
bark,bark,bark,bark
my god will it never end
bark,bark,bark,bark
before it send's me right round the bend
bark,bark,bark,bark
hey are you nearly done
bark ,bark,bark,bark
right now you had better run.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jul 2021
About this poem:
nog was my wifes pet he died one week after herand he did just this.
he loved to bark at the postie and delivery guys.
miss the little shit.
Sing along
The gnomes they're in their gnomey homes
the elves have ceased to ring
there's nothing on the radio
the kids have taken wing
Santa is a long way off
Easter Bunny's done his thing
the TV's one big disaster zone
so we just have to sing
"There's a lull in the poetry
ring-a-ding-a-ling
there's four hundred little poetry scribes
and we haven't seen a thing, Woah!"
Turning up the music now
so I can do the fling
the neighbour thinks I've lost the plot
I'm dancing in my bling
we have to get more poetry
who wants to be the King
without a little poetry
we'll just have to sing
"There's a lull in the poetry
ring-a-ding-a-ling
there's four hundred little poetry scribes
and we haven't seen a thing, Woah!"
the elves have ceased to ring
there's nothing on the radio
the kids have taken wing
Santa is a long way off
Easter Bunny's done his thing
the TV's one big disaster zone
so we just have to sing
"There's a lull in the poetry
ring-a-ding-a-ling
there's four hundred little poetry scribes
and we haven't seen a thing, Woah!"
Turning up the music now
so I can do the fling
the neighbour thinks I've lost the plot
I'm dancing in my bling
we have to get more poetry
who wants to be the King
without a little poetry
we'll just have to sing
"There's a lull in the poetry
ring-a-ding-a-ling
there's four hundred little poetry scribes
and we haven't seen a thing, Woah!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2021
About this poem:
la la la la la
FOOD HAIKU POEMS
Only green salad
Can't stand it, makes me feel sad
Fasting then is bad.
Eat fruits everyday
To the loo an easy way
Drives the doctor away.
Strawberries are sweet
But ice cream is the best treat
Ate in bed, stained sheet.
Remember don't cry
I'll bake fruit and chicken pie
Before sunset's goodbye.
Can't stand it, makes me feel sad
Fasting then is bad.
Eat fruits everyday
To the loo an easy way
Drives the doctor away.
Strawberries are sweet
But ice cream is the best treat
Ate in bed, stained sheet.
Remember don't cry
I'll bake fruit and chicken pie
Before sunset's goodbye.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2021
About this poem:
Just thinking of food for fun.Poems entered on these pages are copyrighted by the authors who entered them. They cannot be reproduced without the author's written consent. © Copyright 2001-2024. All rights reserved.
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