Most Liked Humor Poems (1,865)

"What happened to your pickup seat? Is that buffalo track?"
Well, I guess you had to be there. We had a cow attack.
It all began when me and Roy went out to check the cows.
We'd finished lunch and washed our "soap" and forced ourselves to rouse.

We's pokin' through the heavy bunch for cows to take and check.
I spotted one but his 'ol mom was bowin' up her neck.
She pawed the ground and swung her head a-slingin' froth and spit.
Then bellered like a wounded bull. "Say, Roy," I says, "Let's git!"

But Roy was bent on taggin' him and thought to make a grab.
"Just drive up there besides the calf, "I'll pull him in the cab."
Oh, great. Another stroke of genius, of cowboy derring-do.
Sure-'nuff when Roy nabbed the calf, his mama came in, too.

And I do mean climbed up in there! Got a hoof behind the seat.
Punched a horn right through the windshield and she wasn't very neat.
She was blowin' stuff out of both ends till the cab was slick and green
It was on the floor and on the roof and on the cow vaccine.

If you've been inside a dryer at the local laundromat
With a bear and 50 horseshoes then you know just where I's at.
At one point she was sittin' up, just goin' for a ride
But then she tore the gun rack down.The calf went out my side.

I was fighting' with my door lock which she'd smashed a-passin'by
When she peeked up through the steering wheel and looked me in the eye.
We escaped like paratroopers out the window, landed clear.
But the cow just kept on drivin', 'cause the truck was still in gear.

She topped a hump and disappeared. The blinker light came on
But if she turned I never saw, by then the truck was gone.
I looked at Roy,"My truck is wrecked. My coveralls are soaked.
I'll probably never hear again. I think my elbow's broke.

"And look at you-yer pitiful. All crumpled up and stiff.
Like you been et by wild dogs and pooped over a cliff."
"But think about it," Roy said. "Since Grampa was alive,
I believe that that's the first time I've ever seen a cattle drive."

All you need is some love
fits warm like a glove
maybe for you its from above
descends like a dove

All you need is some hope
to ease the prevailing slope
then its much easier to cope
Xmas card from the Pope

All you need is some cheer
to dampen the fear
now what do I care
if some stop and stare

All you need is some dollars
and a good set of molars
the bears are all polars
the cells are all solars

Just a few silly lines
to waste some more time
in these troubling times
I'm just happy to rhyme

Passionate Kitty
She Gave Me A Quickie >
And A Hickey
Very Tricky
And Sticky
Weeeeeee >
He He He ....
Love Angel

Lifted by a breeze
Dreams transform into clouds
Sparkling drops return

No air left to breathe
Flowing sky following you
Vacuum for me

Locked in the closet
The skeleton felt confined
Those dirty secrets

The night was dragging
Nightmares kept coming back
Rooster did not care

I went to Vegas a year ago, and gamble all day through. I lost a hundred thou and had to sing the blues. There was no clocks on the wall, to tell the time come true. But the manager seen me cry , and said what can I do I said I needed cab fare a hundred bucks or more the manager gave me a travelers check , then through me out the door.

Are you willing to answer questions about erotic thoughts?
Are you willing to make love even if I forget about your very name during doing so?
Are you willing to speak even if no one listens to your sadness or downfalls?
Are you willing to think twice even if it only takes one time?
Are you willing to paint a picture without any paint or canvas?
Are you willing to get higher than you've ever been without any kind of drugs?
Are you willing to laugh at someone's funeral pyre?
Are you willing to take the last drink even if you've had enough?
Are you willing to die for me?
Are you willing to take candy away from a baby?
Or are you just willing?

Have you know brain
For deleting the poem Criminally Insane
You need to explain why?
You have destroyed a work of art and
Show no empathy or shame

Is because your jealous
Or is it because your very sad
If you want my opinion
It's because your small minded and incredibly BAD

It's okay for scammers and fools
To insult the man
Be honest and decent
Your poem gets deleted and are facing a ban

So why not comment on the poem mod
Instead of being silent and acting like PC plod
Is it me or is it you
That abuses poetry and art
Just give us a clue

I once met Adolf Hitler
in a laundromat
he had his shirt off
and was kicking the washer
screaming in Spanish
about not enough room for
his Hawaiian shirts
"Calmate" I yelled
"Whats up with you", he screamed
"Look no damned soap suds and the machine is bloody Korean"
"Why didn't they get a Miele? Aaagh"
He slumped into resignation, eyeing the ceiling
living a new identity had its challenges
I thumbed my magazine
small creatures retreated into their holes
I thought about the war

split aces and eights
Blackjack lore for the gambler
hit me with a ten

black aces and eights
Wild Bill's last in South Dakota
Number Ten Saloon

I been riding with my six gun
along the mountain range
when I seen my pardner
acting mighty strange
he's scratching and a shufflin'
got a case of mange
needs to see a doctor
not easy to arrange

Down south the folks is friendly
beer and apple pie
that's where I met my true love
Laredo and the sky
Yee haw

Grandma's rolling up the tobaccy
the afternoon always bringing a truce
from the cussin'
for Grandpa's down in the pump-shed
messing with the lines
water tomorrow he says
all there in the soapy tubs
and Grandma'll let him
sleep half a day
'for the cussin' starts again
'bout how lazy he been
so me and Grandpa'll
go fishing
down on the river
and he'll tell me over
how he shoulda married
Grandma's sister
but all said and done
life just run like the river
boiling over the rocks
'til you released
into the sea