Most Liked Holidays Poems (355)

One sees his shadow
One gets a shadow cast on him
The man in the moon and a ground hog named Puxatony Phil
Sometimes he doesn't see his shadow
But the moon always gets a shadow on a lunar eclipse
Sometimes it's just a little bit
Sometimes the whole moon gets a shadow
Then it looks like a blood moon
With all the global warming
I bet Phil gets lucky this year
And sees his shadow
We already have 40s in January
Have you see the movie Groundhog Day?
It's a hoot!

I have always done my Christmas shopping early
Some may say I'm kinda squirrely
They love to shop on Thanksgiving and Black Friday
I say no way!
Get all that materialism out of the way early
So you can avoid a bunch of bargain hunter who behave too surely
I went yesterday on November first
To avoid all those people who behave the worst
Thanksgiving should be a day off for all
Not another reason to go to the mall
Some people never get a day off
Working seasonal jobs even if they have to cough
To give presents to some relatives they see only once a year
Getting together with people, if they weren't related, they'd steer clear
So now that I'm done with all the present buying
I can focus on things that won't leave me crying
Like Christmas movies and shows like Alf's Turkey In The Straw
About Alf befriending a homeless man who steers clear of the law
Or good food like turkey and pumpkin pie
And Peppermint Patty chewing out Charlie Brown
While he stand there with a sigh
It's more fun when we're not trying to save a buck
And if we do it right, we'll be in luck
For a Thanksgiving and Christmas that will be filled with joy
I hope yours is also one where you can say "Oh Boy!"
May all your holidays be shiny and bright
So we can all have a silent night

When I first moved out I spent 80 dollars on my Christmas tree
Tree was 30
Lights were about 20
Ornaments, star and garland about 30
That was 1996
I have added different ornaments since then
I try to add one new one each year
Snoopy, Simpsons, Southpark, Bugs Bunny, hockey puck
That last few years I have added National Lampoon's Christmas
This is the first time I have spent over 100 dollars on three ornaments
It has Clark, his wife Ellen, and his two kids, Audrey and Rusty
You connect them together with a special power cord
When you press one, then they act out scenes from the movie
Each one lights up as they talk to each other
The whole thing revolves around scenes related to getting the Christmas tree
It takes about three minutes
I can't wait to put it on my tree this weekend

You remember that Christmas a few years ago
Where you waited all night for 'Ol Santy to show
Well I heard the reason and it just might be true
The whole bunch came down with the dang reindeer flu

The cowboy elves had been busy all day
A' doctorin' Donner and scattering' hay
Dancer and Prancer were febrile and snotty
Comet and Cupid went constantly potty

Hallucinatory dementia was rampant
Why, Blitzen imagined that he was Jed Clampett
Dasher got schizo and thought he was Trigger
While Vixen's obsessions got bigger and bigger

By noon Santy knew he should find new substitutes
So the cowboy elves went out searching' recruits
They scoured the Arctic for suitable prey
And brought them together to hook to the sleigh

When Santy climbed up it was like a bad dream
He stared down the lines at the substitute team
A bull moose as old as the planks on the ark
With a head as big as a hammerhead shark
Stood hitched by a cow, Mrs.Santy's of course
Then next in the tugs was a Clydesdale horse.

He was paired with an elk whose antlers were crossed
An ostrich, a walrus, an old albatross
Were harnessed in line but the last volunteer
Was a blue heeler dog with only one ear

The cowboy elves gave a push to the sled
As Santy reared back, cracked his whip, then he said,
"On Cleo, on Leo, on Lefty and Jake
On Morpheus, Redondo, on Lupe and Snake.."
Smoke from the runners cut tracks in the snow
The team headed south, but where else could they go?

They started back East 'cause it got dark there first
And their luck, which was bad, got progressively worse
By the time they hit Kansas the tugs had gone slack
And all but the dog was now riding' in back

Santy was desperate. What on earth could he do?
When the lights of an airport hove into his view
Did they make it? you betcha, but there hangs the tale
Of how, on the Christmas they stayed on the trail

A man in Alaska said right after dawn
A low flying object passed over his lawn
He ran to the window and threw up the sash
And heard someone shouting, "For pete's sake, don't crash!"

"On Budget, on Thrifty, look out Alamo
I didn't take out insurance, you know
And you, Number Two, try harder, yer Avis
On Dollar, on Hertz, Rent-a-Wreck you can save us

An extra day's charge if we make it by nine
Though the drop-off will cost us a bundle this time
Merry Christmas", yelled Santy, but he was all smiles
'Cause at least he signed up for unlimited miles

So that's how it happened as best I recall
When it looked like that Christmas might not come at all
And the truth of the matter, we all owe a cheer
To the Wichita office of Rent-a-Reindeer

I had more hours than last year
I went to Maine and ate lobster and saw the ocean
I got hit in the head with a hockey puck after watching hockey for 30 years
I got a cell phone at the end of June and spent a ton of time on it
I found the song Dead Man's Party by Oingo Boingo
I visited my mom in the nursing home after she lost her house
I went to a Brewer's game and saw a lot of confetti
I went to Chuck E Cheese in Onalaska, Wisconsin and saw the band
I hope you have a fun 2022!

Parade is on Main
Cows Palm Trees Cheese Curds and Candy
Dairy Paradise

iron sheet harbour
junks rise and fall
a hard sleep night
on the Orient wall

murder melody
esprit de corps
razor diplomacy
a sliding door

perfumed vixens
tender more
a strangers paradise
in the dragons jaw

Mike's Commandments

1. Thou shall work hard to support my lazy a**

2. Thou shall be faithful to me

3. Thou shall not judge me

4. Thou shall not yell at me

5. Thou shall leave me the @#$% alone when I want

6. God shall give me good health

7. God shall give to me the numbers to win the lottery

8. God shall give me good friends and family to support me

9. God shall let me go to heaven

10. God shall forgive me and make no consequences for my actions

Oscar
Before Schindler's List
I thought of Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street
Oscar, the award for good movies, actors, and the worker behind the cameras
On February 4, 1994 I got another famous Oscar
Oscar Schindler saved 1,200 Jews during the Holocaust
Moses led two million Jews out of slavery in Egypt
I remember going to a Wedding of a Christian woman and a Jewish man
It was the first time I had lamb chops
It was the first time I had a braided bread called challah bread
Both were great
I also remember the huge wheel of Brie and crackers
And all the free mixed drinks you could drink
There were pumpkins and fresh snow on the ground
Two days before Halloween in 2011
My favorite Jew other than Oscar Schindler would have to be Adam Sandler
He has had me laughing for 30 years

It takes a virus
To screw the world
A 2020 vision
Of how the year rolled

We became aware
Of the Covid
Spreading through air
On the waves of scare
And had to adapt
To new routines
Such as lockdowns
And quarantines
The fever of fear
Has fogged our mind
It was going crazy
From feeling confined
Not to mention
The daunting task
Of wearing a mask with style
To hide
That happy contagious smile

Things may get better
One day
Pay some attention
To what news have to say
Fresh out of trials
Vaccine is on its way
So get ready
To roll up your sleeves
Or when in doubt
Stock up
On supplements and vitamins

No matter what the trend
We’ve got our circle of
Virtual friends