Most Liked Humor Poems (1,865)

I was advised to visit your shop
All things are not too happy up top

You may need some introspection
To prompt you back in the right direction

I hope you suggest a road toward
The Man, who cuts your family with his sword

On our path so many have gone
On all our roads the sun has shone

The brochure is in tatters friend, all these places I have seen
To all these taverns I have been

Your safety is our big concern
For happy travelers who will return

I am more for an adventure...

At least you should fit a garment sir, more like these the people wear
Lets at least cover that a bit...

...I will all your garments split !

Into the taxi you climb
Destination a voice is spoken
Destination given
Naught to sixty in ten seconds

You sit an ponder
Watchin the view
Clenched buttocks
You sit and smile

You trust the driver with gritted teeth
Hand clench ed
You frozen too your seat
You trust your driverless car with

Sence of danger
For you have no trust at all
You volounter your life to seat in a car without a driver in sight
No peddles to slow him down

A electronic voice you have to trust
To take you to you detination
With a below your electonic driver shouts you have reached you destination
You open the door you climb out

Safe and sound you have your destination

Im not a poet
and u dont have to tell me i already know it
jus laying on my bed bored as hell
thinking damn i wish a nice strong guy
would pick me up right now
some people act like love is so hard
when its really quite simple
if im the one i already have your heart
beautiful girls flirting making their eyelashes flutter
but when im around none of those other girls matter
and if im the right girl for and youve been waiting
patiently im gonna arrive right on time
sweep you off feet and make you mine
well its time to take a run and leap in the bath
candles honey strawberrie and cream bubble bath
dont worry honey i allways have your back
so dont be harsh with your comments cuz if you didn't
notice the poems called im not a poet and i already know it

Mamma, I had my rag dolls on my chair
Sitting in my room and now their gone!
‘Are you sure they were on the chair
They didn’t just vanish in thin air’!

Maybe this is what happened . . .

Raggedy Ann was playing the part
Of a Lady in love in a castle far away
Tired of waiting for her Lord to return
She wandered down the hall and did stray
Happening upon the dimly lit dining hall
She helped herself to a little sip of brandy
Feeling lost without her Raggedy Andy
Who is pretending to be the castle Lord
That comes to find her fighting to the death
With his mighty shield and Nerf sword

They love one another right Mamma?
‘yes, dear, but let me finish my drama’

Now, there are at least eight rag dolls
In this house, maybe more, I’m not sure
And I’ve seen them in every room
In every form of costume
They’ve been thrown on the floor
Hidden behind locked doors
Flopped on and under chairs
Found among your teddy bears
Left abandoned on the stairs

Crumpled in corners amongst the dust bunnies
Don’t laugh, this lost rag doll situation isn’t funny
Broom handles we had to use to retrieve
The rag dolls we found way under your beds
That fiasco rescue resulting in bumped heads
Why these rag dolls get lost is hard to conceive
And you know how many times I’ve tripped over them
Missing rag dolls are turning our house into mayhem

Admit it love, they’ve been all over this house
Been found in more places than a castle mouse
Their everywhere and they always go missing
There is no need to blame your sisters

So, the very next time your rag dolls are lost
Probably tomorrow or the next day, I’d say . . .
I want you to pretend that they are fair maidens
Held captive by an evil wizard in a far away castle
Peering out a window as they tug on a velvet tassel
In order to save them and rescue them again (and again)
You need to gather a formidable army and saddle your horses
Enlisting your sister Knights to join up with your search forces

Interruption . . .

What about Lord Raggedy Andy that comes to the rescue
Fighting to the death with his mighty shield and Nerf sword?

Pause …

Lord Raggedy Andy is a spy and was tried in King’s court for malicious lies
Honestly, he wouldn’t have been much help, remember, he has button eyes!

Well, his shield and his Nerf sword were not fit for battle being way too soft
Oh, by the way, I think I saw your rag dolls out in the barn, way up in the loft

Go look! And if you find your rag dolls you can have a piece of candy
I’ll be waiting here in the dining hall, just having a little sip of brandy

Poetry reading first thing in the morning
Goes perfectly with a nice hot cup of coffee
Nothing is more beautiful than this dark elixir
Mated with a little sugar and light cream mixer
As it swirls in your cup and revs up your cells
You begin to contemplate as if under a spell
Of that bitter little bean that reins so supreme
This umber dark brew is a drug-induced dream

Reading words brought to life by your poet friends
Taking you on life’s tours like video camera lens
Imprinting indelible pictures delivered by their pens
As you read and sip you savor the words they spin
Visions their painting from thoughts deep within

Ah, coffee, some call it cafe’, still some say Cuppa
I just call it sweetly every morning “come to mamma”
Now I’m thinking about how many poets the world over
Are sipping their brew and writing their little hearts out
Percolating on those dark alluring coffee beans no doubt
Climbing to such creative heights with deep soulful minds
Coffee and poetry are synchronistically aligned

Time for another wee cup, as some call it a “cup of Joe”
My secret blow of magical beans that sets my mind aglow
Allowing me to experience the depths my thoughts show
Of the pageantry that poetry delivers like a sinful gateau
The only thing missing in this picture is my fabulous beau
If my coffee would only help me write him into existence
How awesome, yes, the ultimate pièce de résistance

Call me crazy, a bit hazy
Pick me a Moon daisy
I am only musing
What could be amusing
About that one email
I wish to see in my in box
The one from the red fox
That offs my pink socks

A note to make me pale
Full of tempest like a gale
Causing my heart to sail
Sweet innocence prevails
Words that don’t fail
Leaving breadcrumb trails
To ignite a love unveiled

Alas, it never comes to me
Why I ask, why oh why
Are you just being shy?
I am looking for a reply!
From a special one I crave
That will make me behave
Like a silly school girl
Put my heart in a whirl

Give me a shock wave
Commence me to rave
About the one so brave
This mysterious one
That could be so fun
And may be the only one
To cause me to be undone
My heart completely won
Falling like bricks, a ton

I’m crazy enough already
Nervously waiting, unsteady
I really need to finally see
That special email to me
In my ever loving inbox
From the brave red fox

But, where in the world
Is this one illusive email
Being delivered by a snail?
I need air mail!

Thanks for your comments guys

Eat a raw organic salad with me
Full of crushed pods of raw garlic
Seducing your mouth like an erotic kick
I promise it will be extremely heavenly
As the hotness subtly stings in your mouth
The pungent sticky juice so wet on your tongue
A delectable herb known to help your heart throb
Descending into your body it’s purely an inside job
Stimulating and warming increasing your desires
Its luscious hot center revealing its fire
Extolled by Hippocrates and Pliny the Elder
The benefits abound meant for pure pleasure
This ancient pod increases s*xual stamina
Working through your brains like lambda
Garlic is for knowledgeable lovers
Those plump voluptuous clovers
Eat a raw organic salad with me please
Full of bruised and crushed raw garlic
Makes us feel so chick and rather slick
Sweet pleasures its destined to release
Now kiss me with that pungent wet mouth
Exponentially deeper along the o*al route
Eat a raw organic salad with your love
Ladened with that sensual crushed garlic
The knowledgeable lovers secret trick
Let it penetrate all your senses like a treasure trove
Deeply savor that creamy firm bulbous clove that drove
You to a night of abandonment and the pleasure it wove

Someone asked me recently
“Where is Venus Minnesota”
I told them, “I have no iota”
Venus is the love planet
Women on here are from
We’re like juicy cherry plums
Are you here to give us
Our wanton shares
Of love’s secret pleasures
Thinking we cannot resist
Or just to bludgeoning persist
With the flick of your wrist
And insist you want to meet
Someone beautiful to greet

We’re women we hail from Venus
Among us here, take your pick, quick
If you are reading our emotional prose
Then it’s a good bet you already know
We're ready and quite surely your type
Venus women don’t gripe (much)
And, we’re ripe for the picking
Kicking, licking good and sticking
To our impossible dreams like glue
Like plundering, thundering and such

I bet you’re possibly thinking
With your brain cells clinking
About sensual visions of me and you
Oh yeah, you’re really smoking now
All you see is Venus de Milo and Aphrodite
Your heart so red hot and smoking now
Throwing back your head, you shout with glee
Thinking and wishing, oh how, oh how
Can I be their dream man from Mars
Destination Venus love and the stars

Wise up and kindly please listen
It’s only here you’ll find those matches
We're all hotter than nuclear fission
Ok, maybe with a few little scratches
But what does that really matter
Because you are here to flatter
Possibly shatter, spin the platter
Burst our bubbles like pancake batter
Remember, we are like a cherry plum
Women from Venus are not so dumb
About you handsome men from Mars
Under our spell you will succumb
Go ahead, reach for Venus and the stars
Do it … NOW … right from where you are!

I don't want to be that rich I am happy with what I got
I have got enough to get by on. although its not a lot
I don't want to be attractive to the opposite sex. I am past all that stuff now.
I don't need women to look at me, to smile and say wow!!
I don't want to be that brainy. clever or even quick,
why would I need all that? I am happy with being thick.
I don't need to be that funny, I ain't that sort of bloke,
I may tell em now and then, but I don't care if you miss the joke,
I don't want the body of a god. I am happy with what I see,
whats the point of a six pack when I have a barrel in front of me
I have the strength for all my needs,i don't need to be any stronger
but I do need to stop writing this, before my nose grows any longer