Last Commented Humor Poems (1,876)

Lazy old grandpa sat to sleep
Light rain wets in the double beep
tickle flew in a fly
Old eyes said good-by
Big toe wiggled the target deep

Flamingos legs are tall and thin
Why should the curves be on their chin?
Watch them on one leg
Lifting two is no bet
Falling birds would have always been

Scarecrows are ugly as can be
In a moonlight sky, they are free
They give you goose bumps
Better take a light or jump
For Halloween, best to pee

Sharks are large predators at sea
Son pulls daddy and sits on knee
Afraid to swim, Daddy?
No Son, that's my gabby
These Two pictures shows how you flee
_______________________________________________________

Spaghetti: "I'm the one that wiggles into the salads. When they
eat me, they really feel full.

Tomato " Spaghetti, I may be chubby, but I do shine here with
my friend lettuce, giving a lot of coloring to a delicious
salad".

Carrot "I really catch up on the orange color, but celery
adds some extra flavors when we join together".

Lettuce " My designed leaves add beauty to salads with all the
decorations".

Onions " I'm not favored in many salads, but along with a red
pepper we can really spice them up."

Celery "Many like to chop me up and dip me in a creamy sauce."

Pasta "My body has so many forms, curls, cylinders, oval faces in
between. When I enter the beauty salon, they soften me up
and then I can fill up a banquet..."

Potatoes "Well I make a match with most anything, yet when I
get mashed, I can really comfort hard eggs all together"

Eggs "After they boil me they can cut me into slices or ground
me down to fill in several salads".

Strawberry "I am usually the top of the iceberg, giving that
ultimate finishing".

Just putter gooder one on there
What are we talking about
The storm door on my house
With a trap door for a mouse
Why heavens sake do that for
Justa gonna ruin a good door
Still better than the one before
When a big snow comes around
The cat don’t want out no more
That’s the craziest thing I heard
You sure you don’t know for sure
Nope I can’t say for sure no more

I won't respond if you say this or that, I won't
be available for nonsense chat, I won't accept
text or anything next, I won't reply if I think you
lie, I won't be here to communicate, I won't, I
won't...this is so......why am I alone?....I just
don't know.

Oh, how I love to laugh out loud
Not at the expense of others but maybe
at...myself...well...thats...ok

I often enjoy having a little giggle,
when reflecting on funny times that may have
long gone by
and I find myself laughing until I cry.

It feels so good to laugh out loud,
And, also great to spread some joy so
here’s hoping that you catch this happy bug,
that you encourage it and long may it stay
Joy dispelling any gloom that you feel to
blow any dark clouds far away

The Flying Dutchman glides on waves.
That image haunts me for many days,
It raises questions
And some quests work
Who is this strange wandering shade ?

Where is his harbor or his port?
Maybe he is reckless?
Maybe not.
Is he not too welcoming?
No, rather silent and strange .
Can he not come back ?
It doesn't matter anyway.
Is he a corvette,
Galleon, caravel or frigate?
Nobody knows it,
But yet I confess
He really exists
As a shade,
Drifting in my dreams

NOW THIS IS THE TALE OF YOUNG FREDDIE BLOOR.
WHOSE s*xual PARTS GOT JAMMED IN A DOOR.
BY THE TIME THEY HAD FREED HIM, HE DIN'T FEEL WELL,
FOR HIS POOR PRIVATE PARTS WE'RE ALL MANGLED TO HELL.

THEY RUSHED HIM TO HOSPITAL, THE AMBULANCE FLEW.
BY THE TIME THEY HAD GOT THERE, THERE WAS NOTHING THEY COULD DO.
POOR OLD FRED WITHOUT ANY CHOICE,
LEADS A LIFE OF NO SEX AND HAS A HIGH SQUEAKY VOICE.

BUT LUCKY FOR FRED, SO HE WOULDN'T FEEL A FOOL,
SOME BRIGHT SPARK INVENTED A BIONIC TOOL.
A BRIGHT NEW SHINY ONE, MADE OUT OF BRASS,
THOUGH THE BATTERIES WOULD HAVE TO BE KEPT UP HIS ARSE.

SO NEWLY EQUIPPED AND AFTER A REST,
FRED THOUGHT HE'D PUT HIS NEW TOOL TO THE TEST.
FINDING A WOMAN, THE NEAREST ONE HANDY,
HE PLIED HER WITH DRINK AND MADE HER FEEL RANDY.

SHE UNDID HIS ZIP AND PUT HER HAND ON HIS C**K,
BUT WHEN SHE WAS DOWN THERE, SHE HAD A BIG SHOCK!
"THAT'S MY BIONIC CHOPPER." FRED SAID. "AIN'T IT A BIG ONE?
COR BLIMEY SHE SAID. "I THOUGHT IT WAS A GUN!

SO F*****G AWAY FRED TURNED TO FULL BLAST.
HE DID NOT KNOW HID C**K WOULD NOT LAST.
WITH A "BANG!" FRED'S LEFT BOLLOCK SHOT INTO THE AIR,
THEY COULD NOT FIND THE OTHER NO BLOODY WHERE.

SO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL TO SEE WHAT THEY COULD DO.
"WE HAVE A SPARE ONE, THAT'S LUCKY FOR YOU".
SO ONCE MORE EQUIPPED AND AFTER A READ,
FRED CONNECTED HIS TOOL TO A PLUG AND A MAINS LEAD.

GOOD OLD FRED, NOW HE DON'T HAVE TO TRY,
FOR NOW HE'S AC/DC AND CAN GO WITH A GUY.

THE END.

Have you know brain
For deleting the poem Criminally Insane
You need to explain why?
You have destroyed a work of art and
Show no empathy or shame

Is because your jealous
Or is it because your very sad
If you want my opinion
It's because your small minded and incredibly BAD

It's okay for scammers and fools
To insult the man
Be honest and decent
Your poem gets deleted and are facing a ban

So why not comment on the poem mod
Instead of being silent and acting like PC plod
Is it me or is it you
That abuses poetry and art
Just give us a clue

Easy living,
Is this what it takes?, ( ex.1- da de da doo)
Play it by ear?,
You wake and you bake!,
ooh, (x4) - Easy living, -
The party begins,
When you arrive!
You wonder if it's the right place?,
While you - are greeted with smiles!,
Easy living, --

You jump on a Harley,
Cuts circles in the grass, (ex.2 cha che cha cha cha)
The neighbors call the cops,
Then ask for your autograph!,
ooh (x4) - Easy living, --
People pay you!,
To play on the stage!,
But even you don't,
They love you anyways!,
Easy living, --

Easy living,
Is that what it took?, (ex.3 de da dow ba da ba da bom bom boom)
To play that six string thing?,
To have the looks?,
ooh (x4) Easy living, -
And you have it all!,
Where else can you go?
If you are (reading, hearing) this,
(de da doo, chada chada chada ching ba da boom)
Let me know?!
Easy living ------