Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

An accident happened to my brother Jim
When somebody threw a tomatoe at him
Tomatoes are soft and usually don't hurt the skin
But this one a 'specially packed in a tin! :-)

Do you ever take the time to look closely at the ants

Just roll up your pants,

So they don't bite you.

I did just that as I sat back in my sun lounger one hot summers day .

I saw hundreds ants come out to play,

Tho they weren't playing they were scurrying around

What were they doing they don't stop to rest,

People poison them and call them a pest.

I looked more closely to see each ant is stratistically doing their job,

But what.

Whatever it is it is important to them.

So I won't pour boiling water over them or feed them with poison.

I just don't want them to come indoors as I think they just might

So I put the sugar and food out of their sight.

EVERYTHING IN LIFE HAS A VEIL
.AN ATOM IS VEILD BY ITS ORBIT.
A CELL IS VEILD BY ITS MEMBRANE.
AN EGG IS GAGED IN ITS SHELL.
A SEED IS VEILD IN ITS SHELL.
THE TEETH IS VEILD BY THE LIPS.
THE EYES BY THE LIDS
THE SUN, VEILD IN THE SKY FROM WHERE IT RISES EACH DAY
HONEY IS VEILD IN THE HONEY COMB.
THE RAIN, VEILD IN THE CLOUDS.
A SPOT IN THE DOT, BEGINS THE FOETUS WONDERFULLY VEILD IN THE UTERUS AWAI TING THAT GLORIOUS MOMENT TO UNVEIL ITSELF TO MOTHER EARTH
AS PRECIOUS STONE VEILS OFF ITS IMPURITIES IN THE KILN
BEFORE IT SHINES
AND AS THE TAMED ANT BUILDS ITS OWN MUNDHILL,
SO SHALL ANYONE UNVEIL HIS OWN DESTINY IF ONE BE REKNOWN.

One by one the contestants lined up
With their pants to mid mast lowered
Here they were, the best of the best
At the Aquim World competition for farting

Three different areas they would all be judged on
For this honour to be World Champion
The judges were ready to sound the bell
And the audience in their seats all excited

The sound it made was deemed important
Whether pitched high, low or an explosive sound
The length sustained was of high importance
But the smell achieved would be the winning glory

First off the rank was the wharfie, Mary the Fairy
Short of stature but wide of girth
Out ripped the farts like from a machine gun
And the smell was quite something to sniff

The audience roared their appreciation
While some on the front seats gagged
The judges conferred, seemed unanimous
The score card they held up read a seven

Next came a lady, well only by name
Her arse took up two seats coming here on the plane
She let forth a rip that droned on and on
For something so loud the smell was gone

The audience groaned, their disappointment clear
They expected something, a quality much better
The judges were quick, up went the card
To her was given nothing better than three

Next was Abdhul Hameed, the driver of camels
A hairy posterior matted with shyte
He let rip with a smell most foul
Then tragedy struck, down his legs it ran

The audience gasped, then yelled in disgust
Rules were broken, this just was not allowed
Up jumped the judges with red card displayed
Abdhul forced to leave with head hung in shame

Patrick Fitzmichael, the Irishman next
A digger of ditches, a man in training for years
The sound was loud, a high pitched squeal
And the smell was rather obnoxious

The crowd went wild as the smell hit them
He was the best this night so far
Nine point five, the judges’ card read
Tonight he was far out in front

The last one to go was a man named Bluey
He was an Aussie, real tall and skinny
The audience booed, what could he do
This skinny roustabout from the bush

His hands reached back and his cheeks opened
The audience gasped as it winked at them
No warning at all, the sound suddenly reached them
Super sonic boom like a jet flying past

From the strength of the blast the first row fell
And the second in their seats were rocked
Shocked were the judges, how could this happen
Never in history had a blast been this strong

On and on the sound kept coming
Would the end never arrive
Then oh my gawd, the smell that followed
One whiff enough and down they fell

The judges from pockets their gas masks they grabbed
Never once they’ve been needed before
On the spot Bluey was given the coveted medal
Of the best farter in the whole wide world

Those still conscious in the audience
Could barely manage a cheer
But Bluey was happy as his pants he lifted
For he still had plenty left to give

I eat peaches for breakfast one before brunch an 3 before dinner an 4 before lunch I eat peaches on my way to school on the dive and into the pool people call me a peach eating fool I eat peaches here I eat peaches there I think there's peaches coming out of my ears an now there's peach juice dripping on my chair I do care ill eat peaches any were cos I eat peaches

one day with my heart beating out of chest speeding behind with all the rest officer pull me aside and I said to him but offer I was not the only one speeding an he just pull out his pad an pen and said with a grind son' have you ever gone fishing ? lol an I drove away thinking man ill never speed again hahaahahahah

JUST ANOTHER SUNDAY; I HOPE SOON; IT WILL BE MONDAY! HERE COMES TUESDAY; JUST ANOTHER, BLUESDAY! HELLO, WEDNESDAY; TIME TO MEET NEW FRIENDS DAY! THURSDAY; I PASS THE HOURS AWAY! FRIDAY; THE WEEKENDS IN SITE, ALRIGHT! AT LAST, IT'S SATURDAY; I DON'T WORKOUT, AND I CAN EAT; WHATEVER I WANT,AND ENJOY A DRINK; BEFORE SUNDAY; PUTS ME, ON THE BRINK!

I wondered lonely to find a star,


Through my telescope I could not find,


The one with the twinkiest grin,


That dazzled me like a diamond,


Reflection in my eyes,


Glittering teardrop s.

I say my goodbye,


But I think your just hiding and feeling shy,

David Blaine told me star shooting love hearts,

Engraved ,


I love those love hearts,


They used to sell them in the shop,

Now star has brought them back,

Oh sweet star wherever you are ,

Shining and lets play hide and seek,


Call next week


Through my telescopic mic robotic telescope,


Peach.

It was found on the street,and then put in the trunk.And it topped off a full load of nothing but junk.Though it no longer ran,but was so very clean,`twas the junkiest junk that ever was seen.When I got it home,they said "see if it starts." Then I had noticed,its missing some parts.So I then looked around for some parts I could use,then I had thought,how much time could I lose? So I looked at the clock and I found lots of stuff.Then I had wondered,is all this enough? I got it to work.It worked well but was old.I decided to keep it unless it got sold.Many things have I found,all that had been thrown out,and that`s what this story was really about.

I got a kiss from a little girl,
I was twenty and she was twelve,
I smell jasmine scent on her face,
She blushes and pull my hair!



I am her knight in pajamas,
Little did I know that I would be her victim,
A crush on that age would be so enormous,
One day she would shudder at the thought of kissing a frog!