Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

I am pleased to be writing to find nice lady. To this I am new on site here. I am man who is gentle and charity give. I am now living in America but was born in England. I am professor of English in university and also doctor for hospital. Soon I come your country meeting for. I look for lady who always truth speak and have humour in life. I am man who family love and respect you I will. You have children is no matter I will look after. Is no matter you look skinny or fat is all same to me. You must fear and god love. We walk on beach hands holding. You write quick we get together. Me love you always.

Ribbit, ribbit, come share my Lilly pad
Here in the pond it is so nice
With sun and gentle breezes blowing
When too hot it gets we'll jump right in
Go splashing to and fro
Then at dusk, before sun sets
We'll catch a few bugs for dinner
We'll dine like royalty, you and I
So what do you say Happygolucky4u
Will you come and kiss me
Yours hopefully lovingly...Rrrroger

In the strange world
of quatum physics a
mysterious phenomenon
occurs..
If we observe any process
in nature it will obey
a certain law of physics
If we are not observing
it, it follows a completely
different process which one
may draw the conclusion that
our lives have an infinite
variety of outcomes in a
multi-dimensional universe~
It was from one of these
infinite possibilities within
the finite actions of human
endeavour that Margret Bang
first introduced herself to
me in the wee hours of the night..
She appeared as it were out of
some cosmic vortex accompanied
by an angelic chorus that quavered
within her own personal space-time..
'I am Margret, she breathed..'
'I have come from the Orion Belt of
a fading solar system..'
'We have heard your moaning and are
well aquainted with your daily grief..'
'The singles club has not produced the
mate of your dreams so the Overlord of
the Orion constelation has sent me to
soothe your wretched soul..
'I can stay by your side only until
your planets line up for the last
time..
'After that I must be sent to another
planetary dude..'
'Here! I have bought you alien fruit
which will make you feel like a cosmic
hunk..'
'Hurry now! The midnight sun is sinking!
'Take your fill of extraterrestrial bananas
and frolic with your new quatum lover..
'Just call me the big Bang.!

A soft gentle rain fell
so had to keep my rain gear on.
It looks so damn funny;
the silly riding cape,
the Harley biker chain,
those little rubbers on my shoes,
and the hat, oh my the hat.
All so regulation all so 1950’s
just climbed down off my horse
on the phony pony express.

It is universally known
(As a de facto theory)
That women judge a man
By his shoes.

(Or so they say) ; however;-
What would the reverse case be?

Are us men to make
Value judgements
About high stilettoes
Or a woman in moccasins?

No! I maintain it's her handbag
That shows her class
(Something elegant need not be expensive).

A tote bag
About the size
Between an A4 and A3
piece of paper.

If it is elegant
An imitation is OK,
(Provided it doesn't look like
A cheap knockoff).

Which of course would give
The game away.



© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved

Our Venerable Bede
whos art has been stolen
righteous be thy name
Bernaccia will become
our kingdom and will be done
in Berwick as it is in Hebburn

Give us this day
our daily stotty
forgive us our drinking
as we forgive those who drink with us

Lead us not to the South
so as to deliver us from evil

Bernaccia is our kingdom
with pride in this story
and never shall we haver
Amen

Just for fun..

Ok ladies let us try to strive for a little more accuracy in
our profile descriptions.

REALITY CHECK LIST
____________________

1. A few extra pounds should mean..'a few extra pounds,' but when I see your photo, there you are laying on your kitchen counter 743pounds in a neon thong.

2. You say you're looking for a guy who is sweet and kind but each morning a priest must perform an exorcism on you before your morning breakfast.

3.You say you want a guy who is adventurous but you state that your idea of adventure is hopping down the interstate on a Pogo Stick blindfolded.

4.You want an emotionally healthy relationship but let it slip that the US Army kept you locked in a metal box for 13 years and you have an inordinate love for knives.

5.You want a guy who is 'fit', but you did one push up in the third
grade and that one almost killed you.

6. You want a 'drama free' relationship, which must mean that either you've been walking among the God's, or you simply are not from this planet.

7. You live 100 miles from me and tell me you do not do long distance relationships just to blow me off..but I read in the paper that you've married some head-hunter on Easter Island.

8. You say a man must be at least 5'11" or taller, but you are only 4'3".

9. You say you are not religious but you reveal that in fact you don't even believe in 'nothing yet.'

10. You say your children have 'left the nest', which makes me think I've been flirting with some species of bird.

11. You said that you rather enjoyed 'hunting men', but never revealed that it was with an AK47 assult rifle.

12. You say there's no way you'd go through having children again but would accept mine, which makes me wonder what you did with your children.lol.

13. You say material things don't matter much to you, but when you divorced your hubby you even got his gold tooth and contact lenses.
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

I want $
your money
your shirt
your shoes

I want $
what's left of
your union dues

I want $
your house
your car
your keys

I want $
to do as
I please

I want $
your land
the title
and deed

I want $
to feed
my need

I want $
to send you
on your way

I want $
to scream what
I have to say

I want $
everything I
can get

I want $
not to give
a spit

And when I $
take the dishes
the silver
and bowls

I want $
your miserable
soul~

Gold Digger Contract:
#1.'I Get It All'

#2. He Gets To Live
In The Woods

Signed, Mrs. Wonderful

Attorneys Signiture:
Slick Jack

Crazy Joe is what they called you
The toughest man in the city
Blunt and brash, you had your issues
Disputes you handled straightforwardly
You lied about your age you said
to fight the nation's battle
Truth was at fifteen you were wise enough
To find a place to leave your turmoil

Came home to broads and booze and jobs
At one time you had four
Bouncing at the local juke heads got knocked
And asses hit the floor
A man of men and pistol lover
No one ever crossed you doubly
You rifled birds perched on the carport
For crapping on your Caddy

Some say you had a mean streak
Were humorless and oh so serious
Your quiet scowls reserved for the the silly
You made no time for foolishness
With four college - learned daughters and
A spouse that worked within your home
You saved and paid and worked long days
Til foundry work was done

Ahhh, Crazy Joe, what can I say? I owe you
And I thank you for the lessons:
Pay your dues, speak the truth,
Know every day's a blessing
You're beautiful and will someday have any man for choosing
Take wise men over pretty and always do take care
To love him right. If you find he is abusing
Use your gift, the steel Kimber Bel Air

A dowager summoned her butler with some duress,
“Please Jeeves, come take off my dress,
Take off my petticoat,
Take off my bra.
For I know the man that you really are!
Please take off my panties,” she said with some yearning,
She knew that her butler was discreet and discerning.
“Yes Ma’am,” he answered with respect and with tact,
Finally she said in a language exact,
“Now if you wear my clothes again, you’ll be sacked!”