Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

I'm having - no, taking - one of those days.
A 'don't give damn, knockin' visitors can stay
on the wrong side of the door, who cares
if the laundry and the dishes are pilin' up,
the dog can walk himself,
and the kids and their daddy
can get in that kitchen and figure out
how to stave off hunger'
kind of day.

Not to be confused with a lazy day:
that 'call in sick, do a bit here,
do even less over there, watch a little Tele,
paint my nails, finish my pedi, wash my hair,
take a nap in the middle of the afternoon,
wake up and have a glass of wine
while I wait on the pizza delivery, and
make an effort to not feel guilty'
kind of day.

No.

This kind of day takes sass and balls
to pull it off. An
unyielding, unbreakable resolve
and a silent, squint-eyed stare
that would make the devil himself
turn away and I'm giving it to anyone
in this house if asked whether I am
cooking, cleaning, taxi-ing, hosting,
homework helping, ironing,
listening, talking, answering my phone,
s3xing or sucking.
Not. Today.

On this kind of day, I have an attitude.
A 'why did I get married and have these
damn kids, what is wrong with the car now,
is that woman at the bank on crack,
did the grocery clerk keep my change,
did Trump really say that?'
series of moments that have
jerked my nerves so bad
I just want to shout,
"All y'all can kiss my rebel a$$!"

I quit.

On this kind of day I sip wine
from a big, blue plastic tumbler cup
behind a closed door
butt naked
with hair that defies gravity
while Lenny Kravitz and Tupac
rattle my bedroom windows.
If it lasts all night
and that man has to sleep on the couch
and those kids have to tuck themselves in
and the dog camps out in the hallway
like a doting parent and
I missed my mother's call -
Oh well.

It's only for today.

you ask me to post a photo
so you can see my face
it's the only thing you don't know,
so you say, while in this place.
i say you can see me
if you'll remember all my words.
close your eyes, imagine "free"
my smile is a flock of birds
flying in formation, teeth aligned, pretty.
my nose is small and fits my face
neither wide nor fine, just right.
almond-shaped eyes with irises uniquely colored brown.
in the light you see them when clear
stream water flows over amber, dark and round.
with high cheek bones, chiseled lips,
skin of reddish hue and coiled hair.
i am a cutie, a buxom beauty
of good breeding and without a care.
so know that when you exchange with me
and send that email from your box
approach me like a friend, gleefully,
let’s share happy thoughts!

"You Can't Fix Stupid" is a valid conclusion from comedian Ron White
overwhelming proof witnessed convinced me he's absolutely right
Of all that is broken in life maybe most likely irreparable is humanity
repudiate if you must but human behavior is succumbing to insanity

Belittling others masks displeasure with oneself and it's easier to do on-line
like a child you punish by denying CANDY... responses turn into whine
I don't like humans much because they're so FAKE and morally sinking
fully trust I cannot knowing deceiving has become easier than blinking

I too ascertained because one is educated doesn't mean they're intelligent
academics instantly display arrogance but the intellect is less than evident
THE LEFT is all the reason needed to believe "You Can't Fix Stupid"
constant lying nonsense they exhaust isn't symbolic of anything lucid

People dodge reality while unconditionally worshipping an unfounded being
believers and opponents argue their side which always results in disagreeing
"People Can't Handle The Truth" and why they choose not to I understand
some likely deem my writes "Stupid" but behind everyone I firmly stand

Stupidity permeates our world and a huge majority falls out of peoples yap
we mustn't give up on "Fixing Stupid"...maybe 'Watson' will create an App

The middle of the afternoon
a little after 3
came a knock upon my door
Christ the local MP

he seemed a little tentative
for a political representative
elitist defender
capitalist bender
cast-iron compromise
the party's man on the rise
Vote me this September

steeped in worthy provenance
a man of vital consequence
but I didn't give an inch
clipped idiom of the bearer
zeitgeist of a naval era
Vote me this September

He said some names would be handy
I said Kenneth Zenith and randy Mandy
and when she's sober her sister Brandy
all things considered life's rather dandy
Looking fine for September

He caught the whiff of false intent
left a card and duly went
will surprise him when I finally tender
a vote for him come this September

A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

Woman: "I'm not interested in casual sex."

Dangerfield: "Alright, I'll keep my tie on."

I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

My psychiatrist told me I'm crazy. I told him "If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion." He said "Alright, you're ugly too!"

Words aren't enough
To express the way I feel about you
Oh, I can tell you I love you
And I need you
But words aren't enough

I long to hold you tight
Gaze into your beautiful brown eyes
Taste your ruby red sweet lips
Slide my hands down your hot curvaceous body
Slip off your clothes and
Caress you all over
Followed by soft kisses from head to toe
And then......

Oh, words are definitely not enough.

Always saw the lights
weathered words or
moonlit
nights

As different colours

spread so at ease


A thought of silence
a working


insight to see
could it be me?


Nope
yet a little ant

reveling my rant

coursing my way
back

The cricket's in a thicket, jumping all over, all the kids wanna pick it . . . . he's leapin from blade to blade, his color's dark! hide in the shade. . . . peeking out from the rock, all he see's, shoes an socks. . . . hair upside down eye ball's faced on a frown, hand reaches in, fingers in pinch, one more escape oh my a cinch . . . . hop to the air clenched fist why'd i dare . . . . black spot spit, yuck, yikes, shake thats it. . . . onto blade under rock, once again shoe's an sock's!

Dear Deer, You are more Dear to me than a deer in the Forest



There you go

Do not steal this book my lad,
For fifty cents it cost my Dad.

And if you die ,the Lord will ask,
" Now , where is that book you stole?"

And you would say, "I do not know".
The Lord will say, "Just step below".