Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

Tom Fool circa sixteen fifty
This is so wild fandango nifty
Tomfoolery is to crazy behavior like
Shenanigans is to a drunken sailor
Like high jinks is to a drinking game
Of irrefutable Highland Scottish fame
Roughhousing will give a crazy spin
To drunken gambling and a dollar grin

Buffoonery orders a round of drinks
Messing with your mind me thinks
Jack and Jill are still missing links
Horse playing and tumbling down
Trying to find a broken crown
With a little dicking around

Malarkey involving secret codes
Mischief and clownery explodes
There’s that monkey business
We’ll catch you later gator
Trifling gleefully layer by layer
Huge on spells and magic wands
Gotcha! Dear John, Jon, or Juan

Tomfoolery can go way beyond
Normal everyday common insanity
However, it should always remain
Sharp as a razor (more on this later)
With comic fall down slapstick
Added generously for kicks

It's Friday
There is a God!
My week has been
From the other side of
Hell
You’re wondering
Where the hell
Is the other side
of Hell
Pray tell
It’s before you get to
The bottomless pit
And just after your boss
Is a Twit
Oh, don’t pitch a fit
Or get lit
You know I’m right
It’s a blight
The other side of Hell
Exists
Recorded in diabolical
Lists
Desolate and empty
Absent of trendy
Think
As you put your
Mosquito netting
Around your work place
That torturous little space
Now, start letting
Your mind gravitate toward
Drink

Once upon a time I used to snivel
I'd even swivel with a snivel
But the mayor of Snivelsville called
a town meeting
'Hark unto me O thou snivelers of
Snivelsville.'
'Cast thy snot rags to the wind..'
'Let not thy drama torn hairy chest
find thee weeping for that is sin'
Gird up your loins and talk back to
her
Or she'll enslave you to the chinny
chin chin'
'Don't pee pee your pants on her mothers
porch for surely you'll mop it up'
'You are snivelistically out of touch
As you hug and kiss your rubber duck'
Lol

Things are tasting very plain,
Take one relationship fading away,
Ounce of pleasure per pound of pain,
A sprinkling of tears like rain,
Set aside and let it drain,
A couple cups of rotten luck,
Fold in a few "I hate your guts",
One "I never want to see you again" ,
And a dash of "Maybe we can be friends...",
Then at the end throw in the towel,
Viola!,
Your done,
You've a heartache now...

We were just teenagers when you
told me your secret
I wish you never had..
Standing in your mothers kitchen
your eyes lit up when you described
what you had found and you grabbed
me and made me swear that I'd
never reveal the secret
When your mother passed away many
started asking questions and you feared
that your secret might soon be discovered,
and so important was it to you that you
vowed to destroy anyone who might steal
your treasured find
Who would have guessed that things would
have been taken this far, but here I hide and
the barking of police dogs threaten to close
in on me
The first to fall was the mailman who seemed
a bit to clever in his manner of questioning
and you persuaded me to dispose of his
body in a neighbors trunk
Then there was your uncle followed by your
aunt and the bodies began to pile up til the
local landfill authorities began to close in
on us
We were over our heads with no turning
back
The newspapers heard about the secret
and we had to bury reporter after reporter
til your backyard had no space to contain
the bodies
The number of the dead was competing
with the local cemetery and eventually
the law caught up with us
The dogs now closing in on me I came
out of hiding with my hands raised
After hours of interrogation the cops
finally broke me
What was the great secret?
Just before your mother passed away
you had found her secret recipe for
baking apple pies and now it was yours
to keep
Perhaps that old saying is true after all..
'There's nothing sweeter than moms
apple pie.' Lol

My Wifi was connected!
connected through to you,
But you got disconnected
and I don't know what to do
I know it does sound silly
but I am the one that's feelin' blue,
Should I stay on a little longer
or disconnect now too.

I don't want to be that rich I am happy with what I got
I have got enough to get by on. although its not a lot
I don't want to be attractive to the opposite sex. I am past all that stuff now.
I don't need women to look at me, to smile and say wow!!
I don't want to be that brainy. clever or even quick,
why would I need all that? I am happy with being thick.
I don't need to be that funny, I ain't that sort of bloke,
I may tell em now and then, but I don't care if you miss the joke,
I don't want the body of a god. I am happy with what I see,
whats the point of a six pack when I have a barrel in front of me
I have the strength for all my needs,i don't need to be any stronger
but I do need to stop writing this, before my nose grows any longer

Someone asked me recently
“Where is Venus Minnesota”
I told them, “I have no iota”
Venus is the love planet
Women on here are from
We’re like juicy cherry plums
Are you here to give us
Our wanton shares
Of love’s secret pleasures
Thinking we cannot resist
Or just to bludgeoning persist
With the flick of your wrist
And insist you want to meet
Someone beautiful to greet

We’re women we hail from Venus
Among us here, take your pick, quick
If you are reading our emotional prose
Then it’s a good bet you already know
We're ready and quite surely your type
Venus women don’t gripe (much)
And, we’re ripe for the picking
Kicking, licking good and sticking
To our impossible dreams like glue
Like plundering, thundering and such

I bet you’re possibly thinking
With your brain cells clinking
About sensual visions of me and you
Oh yeah, you’re really smoking now
All you see is Venus de Milo and Aphrodite
Your heart so red hot and smoking now
Throwing back your head, you shout with glee
Thinking and wishing, oh how, oh how
Can I be their dream man from Mars
Destination Venus love and the stars

Wise up and kindly please listen
It’s only here you’ll find those matches
We're all hotter than nuclear fission
Ok, maybe with a few little scratches
But what does that really matter
Because you are here to flatter
Possibly shatter, spin the platter
Burst our bubbles like pancake batter
Remember, we are like a cherry plum
Women from Venus are not so dumb
About you handsome men from Mars
Under our spell you will succumb
Go ahead, reach for Venus and the stars
Do it … NOW … right from where you are!

Eat a raw organic salad with me
Full of crushed pods of raw garlic
Seducing your mouth like an erotic kick
I promise it will be extremely heavenly
As the hotness subtly stings in your mouth
The pungent sticky juice so wet on your tongue
A delectable herb known to help your heart throb
Descending into your body it’s purely an inside job
Stimulating and warming increasing your desires
Its luscious hot center revealing its fire
Extolled by Hippocrates and Pliny the Elder
The benefits abound meant for pure pleasure
This ancient pod increases s*xual stamina
Working through your brains like lambda
Garlic is for knowledgeable lovers
Those plump voluptuous clovers
Eat a raw organic salad with me please
Full of bruised and crushed raw garlic
Makes us feel so chick and rather slick
Sweet pleasures its destined to release
Now kiss me with that pungent wet mouth
Exponentially deeper along the o*al route
Eat a raw organic salad with your love
Ladened with that sensual crushed garlic
The knowledgeable lovers secret trick
Let it penetrate all your senses like a treasure trove
Deeply savor that creamy firm bulbous clove that drove
You to a night of abandonment and the pleasure it wove

Poetry reading first thing in the morning
Goes perfectly with a nice hot cup of coffee
Nothing is more beautiful than this dark elixir
Mated with a little sugar and light cream mixer
As it swirls in your cup and revs up your cells
You begin to contemplate as if under a spell
Of that bitter little bean that reins so supreme
This umber dark brew is a drug-induced dream

Reading words brought to life by your poet friends
Taking you on life’s tours like video camera lens
Imprinting indelible pictures delivered by their pens
As you read and sip you savor the words they spin
Visions their painting from thoughts deep within

Ah, coffee, some call it cafe’, still some say Cuppa
I just call it sweetly every morning “come to mamma”
Now I’m thinking about how many poets the world over
Are sipping their brew and writing their little hearts out
Percolating on those dark alluring coffee beans no doubt
Climbing to such creative heights with deep soulful minds
Coffee and poetry are synchronistically aligned

Time for another wee cup, as some call it a “cup of Joe”
My secret blow of magical beans that sets my mind aglow
Allowing me to experience the depths my thoughts show
Of the pageantry that poetry delivers like a sinful gateau
The only thing missing in this picture is my fabulous beau
If my coffee would only help me write him into existence
How awesome, yes, the ultimate pièce de résistance