Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

pity penny pie pence
pops pips passing pigs
piles piled, piling, peaked
prohibitive pinnacles.

perhaps peach pits
penny's palative pleasures please?
"perfect peachy pit!"
penny pie pence piped.

playing ping-pong
paddling pits
pow! ping! pit poked penned pigs
pigs picked pens' pegs
pushing prancing pouncing
pity penny pie pence.

...pity penny pie pence
prevailed past pig pelting
past passing........passed..

Proudly posing
"Pineapple Princess Penny"
proclamation proclaimed--
per Penny's prized
"Positively, pleasurably,
palatively pleasing,
procuring perfectory,
Penny's Pine-apple Pies"

O thou trembling maiden who
thouest wouldest to meeth
be a recipient of thou mine
locks of golden har..
Thy mumbling lips doth beg
me while on bended knee
From the top of this terrace
I have snipped for thee a lock
for thine inheritance
I snip and fling my locks to
the wind and the angels doth
bare them up and place them
in your mortal hands
Go now, and showeth to the
maidens of the village with what
grace thy king hath bestowed upon
thy mortal frame
lol

Mamma, I had my rag dolls on my chair
Sitting in my room and now their gone!
‘Are you sure they were on the chair
They didn’t just vanish in thin air’!

Maybe this is what happened . . .

Raggedy Ann was playing the part
Of a Lady in love in a castle far away
Tired of waiting for her Lord to return
She wandered down the hall and did stray
Happening upon the dimly lit dining hall
She helped herself to a little sip of brandy
Feeling lost without her Raggedy Andy
Who is pretending to be the castle Lord
That comes to find her fighting to the death
With his mighty shield and Nerf sword

They love one another right Mamma?
‘yes, dear, but let me finish my drama’

Now, there are at least eight rag dolls
In this house, maybe more, I’m not sure
And I’ve seen them in every room
In every form of costume
They’ve been thrown on the floor
Hidden behind locked doors
Flopped on and under chairs
Found among your teddy bears
Left abandoned on the stairs

Crumpled in corners amongst the dust bunnies
Don’t laugh, this lost rag doll situation isn’t funny
Broom handles we had to use to retrieve
The rag dolls we found way under your beds
That fiasco rescue resulting in bumped heads
Why these rag dolls get lost is hard to conceive
And you know how many times I’ve tripped over them
Missing rag dolls are turning our house into mayhem

Admit it love, they’ve been all over this house
Been found in more places than a castle mouse
Their everywhere and they always go missing
There is no need to blame your sisters

So, the very next time your rag dolls are lost
Probably tomorrow or the next day, I’d say . . .
I want you to pretend that they are fair maidens
Held captive by an evil wizard in a far away castle
Peering out a window as they tug on a velvet tassel
In order to save them and rescue them again (and again)
You need to gather a formidable army and saddle your horses
Enlisting your sister Knights to join up with your search forces

Interruption . . .

What about Lord Raggedy Andy that comes to the rescue
Fighting to the death with his mighty shield and Nerf sword?

Pause …

Lord Raggedy Andy is a spy and was tried in King’s court for malicious lies
Honestly, he wouldn’t have been much help, remember, he has button eyes!

Well, his shield and his Nerf sword were not fit for battle being way too soft
Oh, by the way, I think I saw your rag dolls out in the barn, way up in the loft

Go look! And if you find your rag dolls you can have a piece of candy
I’ll be waiting here in the dining hall, just having a little sip of brandy

Create 3 stanza's
Each stanza is not limited how many or few words can be used
Each word must begin with the same letter
Each stanza's must use a different letter..

Here is my example

Fried freckled food
From fawns farm

Slowly simmering
Smoked sausage

Dinner date
Devoured digested
Delivered diariah

In dire straits
The poor man be
For he wanted a p
To the unknown

A toilet he wanted to find
High and low
He looked with strained look
He could not go to a bar for no pint he bought

So he look for a toilet in the park
All boarded up and locked shut
Desperate his need be
Mmm guess he will p up a tree

His zipper he did hold when a allow allow
Was herd
He lost his nerve and dashed to the main street
With a peek he did spy a toilet near bye

Mmm oh no said he five pence for a p
Out rages said he
Five p for a p
Mmm guess he will coghup jut to have a p

Oh how it was worth the expence just to save his modesty

Frogs jumpover things
But not a truck, squish, squish, squish!
Frog legs ,yum, yum, yum

You dressed up like a woman
You made me laugh with your standup comedy
You yelled "Good Morning Vietnam!"
You were Mork
You told lies that gave people hope in Jacob the Liar
You were an inspiring teacher in Dead Poets Society
You poked fun at politics in Man of the Year
You showed the importance of laughter and kindness in Patch Adams
You left us almost two weeks ago
You were becoming ill
You have a song called The Grim Rapper
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever in a day
We'd live a life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way

Ode to Online Dating Sites:

This entity we call dating "online"
Is designed to make us really feel "fine"
But in the larger reality
It may be a form of insanity
We all truly believe it's ok
So we practice everyday

Desiring to make that perfect connection
We have no phone to even hear a voice inflection
It takes a certain amount of conviction
To focus and contemplate our selection
No one wants any rejection only attention
So our minds begin the process of introspection
And that one beautiful exception

Are we holding out for perfection?
Or just dreading a disconnection!
This online dating is like an infection
At some point we may need an inoculation
But not before you complete that chemistry section!
So we know we're heading in the right direction

If we live too far
That may be deal breaker
We don't want to use our car
Because one of us could be a faker
I guess people do get together
In, I presume, all kinds of weather
It all seems so surreal

To believe a profile can appeal
To the one you seek for the rest of your life
Whether it be a husband or a wife
Here's to online dating - "cheers"
I am so glad we are all here!


Wiggle your mouse and contact someone special
It won't be that awful or too stressful
There's always "delete"
So you don't have to repeat
Any mistakes on your way to success
Let's all be very extra careful
And hope we get to that next level!

For my working out routine
On bellydancing I am keen!
Can I swivel, can I sway?
Yes, I've got that part, okay.

'Tis my arms that need follow
or this dance shall ring too hollow.
Graceful, lithe and smooth...
I'll eventually find that groove.

I'll strive to keep at it, yes!
Working hard to do my best.
As I'm moving, I do wonder
Should my man come in from yonder
Will he glance at my dance,
will it put him in a trance?

Oh, dear, I do fear!
This distraction I did ponder,
it has made me twirl asunder.
Now in vain's my dream so dear
For I've fallen on my rear....

The life I’ve led has been so hard
That my body’s quite a wreck
Don’t ask about my state of mind
For up is down and in is side out

So many scars my body cover
I look like a turkey wrapped
I’m sure were it not for all of these
My insides would be on the floor outside

Now you might think I exaggerate
But you should see my left leg
Two rods, four pins, but that’s not all
Twenty seven screws together all hold

My right leg, I’m not sure where’s that
Many years ago was lost
All they gave me was a wooden peg
And with white ants that is riddled

My arms are fine, they work all right
Well, maybe not as good as yours do
It only took thirty three procedures
I swear they had fun slicing and dicing

Even my breasts did not escape
This mad ride called life
With all the ops that they performed
They now bruise my knees

I thought that when the end is near
My body to science I’ll give
Got in touch with the Body Farm
And filled out their application

Wasn’t long before round they came
To see what they’d be getting
Asked if I’d mind stripping off
For an examination so thorough

When out I stepped the woman screamed
And to her knees she dropped
“Holy Mary Mother of God,
Save me from this abomination.”

On she prayed as tears ran
While backwards she was crawling
Finally the door she reached
And down the road she fled

The man just stood there white as a ghost
His mouth wide open hanging
Faint moans escaped his lips
And sweat from his face pouring

Suddenly he turned and ran
As if on his heels Hell’s Hounds
Left his car where it was parked
Just fleeing on his mind

As slowly I dressed again
I pondered what had happened
Did that mean that the Body Farm
Had rejected my application