Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

My first experience on forums
And yes predictive text reared up it’s head
Typed Banjo it became Bango
Santa became Santander
When trying to respond to many comments,
see through my laughter tears...
I think I answered myself in a thread
Cannot delete....so hilarious....made my night
Well at least God loves me
Enough said !!!

Hi.
i saw your profile in the phoTo
you made.
Are you a. Moviestar sir ?
I for myself raise monkeys
on a island iN the
SoUth Pacific
I make $375,000
for each of every year
I like older Men even
Though I'm only 23
I have 5 degrees from
Harvard, I also work on
the space station in
outter space
This way I can feed
My moNkeys well
I am Willing to come
to your country if
you tell youR pastor
that you will pUT
the golden ring
On my finger
T hen on our honeymoon
we can go to Egypt
and did up
Mummies!
Hope to hear from
you sOon.

i am me by name

poems in silence
sparse as winter branches
leaving a few disheveled words
without a script

I went to a bar that they call the last chance
I asked this pretty lady if she wanted to dance
She looked at me and smiled and as I began to grin
Her boyfriend walked right up and hit me on the chin

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
I'll never find the right one for me
But I won't frown I'll just sit my butt back down
Bartender pour me another shot of JD

I went to a grocery store never been there in my life
A friend wrote and told me that's where he met his wife
So I walked up to a pretty lady and asked her for a date
She turned around, looked at me and whacked me with a steak

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
I'll never find the right one in here
Feels like I'm going blind while standing in this line
Please ring up another case of beer

I went to a party they said it would be fun
We all whooped and hollered but I didn't know anyone
I asked this pretty lady if she'd tell me her name
She just looked, cracked her whip and asked if I was tame

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
I'll never find a good girl or friend
That party's all wrong, don't wanna be whipped on
I'll cuddle up with my bottle of gin

I went to a nightclub that had a good floor show
A dozen pretty ladies came walking through the door
One looked over my way and gave a little wink
Then she walked right up to me and offered me a drink

We sat, we laughed, we talked and talked for a long long while
And I was so enchanted every time she smiled
I said I'd better make her mine as soon as I can
When we got into her bed I found she was a man

Oh gee I guess I'll always be a mess
A thousand drinks won't bring me that much cheer
I may be alone I think I'll make it on my own
Cause I'll be darned if I'll take it in the rear.

~ANONI~

Never human eye has seen
And lived to tell the tale
Of the Gobbledoth that roams along
The Murray River trail

Many tales from years gone past
Round campfires still told
Of horrid sounds in the night
And claw prints that were found

Old Cedric from The Bridge one night
His car had broken down
In the scrub he did encamp
His hair turned white with fright

Screams in the dead of night
And claw marks on the roof
Car almost overturned
And tyres ripped to shreds

To this day old Cedric will say
That nothing does compare
To the horror that he felt that night
As on the floor of the car he lay

Mike and Joe were mustering
When night time did befall
Weirdest noises and claws on rock
Sent them packing homeward

The Bucheners one night did go
To camp along the river
Him they found stark raving mad
Her body was never recovered

Their tent was ripped in tattered shreds
The ground around all dug up
Blood had soaked the sleeping bag
A sight so terribly gruesome

Farmers round will tell you yarns
Of sheep and cattle losses
Dogs that wander into the night
To disappear forever

These tales I tell as told to me
This creature fierce and gruesome
Sharp of claw and piercing teeth
A killer by natural instinct

So be warned and be aware
Of the Gobbledoth that roams along
The Murray River trail

I look in the mirror and what do I see
Surely that image cannot be me
My eyes are still blue and my hair is still blonde
Of those little wrinkles I'm not very fond
Oh mirror mirror on the wall
Tell me my looks are not fading at all
Lie to me loudly and make be believe
I'm not getting older I've nothing to grieve
I think what I'll do is just turn out the light
Oh, how wonderful I look - everything's alright!

When sticks brush
against your window
pane
And moon peaks
through mist
and rain
When shadows glide
accross the
walls
And clinking chains
drag the
halls
When weird figures
walk through
doors
And nails push
up through
hardwood
floors
When unseen things
start playing
that game
And you're about
to go completely
insane
Don't worry
Scare the Ghost!
That's right
Now You're
the Host!
If you call
his bluff
He'll vanish
in a puff
Cause he's
one big sissy
just throwin'
his little hissy
Scare the Ghost!
You'll be glad
you did
Scare the Ghost
He just ran
and hid..
BOO!!

I was heading out to Nowhere Else when I stopped of at Eggs and Bacon Bay. Well blow me down when in walked Delicate Nobby. He was carrying a Chinaman’s Knob.

“I’d better give me CockWash cause I’m suffering from Cockburn,” said he.

At that I thought that it would be better if I left before Tom Ugly turned up looking for a bit of Tittybong.

I reached the Worlds End where I went for Broke and bought a Banana and ate it in my Humpty Doo at Mount Buggery while playing with my Woodie Woodie.

After all that action it was time for a Nap Nap.

Hurry Up
And do your thing
Before the dryer
Buzzes

Life is tough..
I mean really, how much
can a human really endure?
I was cut off in traffic
at 7:00 am..
Stuck in traffic, a policeman
glanced over at me and stared
deeply into my eyes
I knew instantly that he knew
I had over due library books
from the fifth grade..
He yanked me out of my car
totally furious that a miserable
scoundrel like me was even
walking the streets..
He called for back up and a dozen
cops stormed the scene..
They ran a check on me and sure
enough my old elementary school
confirmed that I had in fact not
returned as many as 34 books..
I was rushed downtown and handcuffed
to five other hardened criminals
who also cursed the day of my birth..
One cop had to be restrained from
shooting me because one of the books I hadn't
returned was 'The Silly Duck Who Could,' and
he had searched for that book for his own
little girl..
Arriving at the jail I was thrown into
a damp cell where I could only see the
outline of a big fat man mumbling stuff
like, 'I'm gonna make you talk white boy..'
He had a big stick in his hand that had
thick nails sticking out..
I spit in his eye in total defiance saying,
'You slops will never get 'The Silly Duck
Who Could..'
Professionals were flown in from the east
and carved a piece of my ear off and made
a tomato sandwich out of it, but I was not
moved..
The CIA was called in a promised to beat the
living Duck out of me, but nay my dear friends,
I was not dismayed..
And in the midst of this terrible tale you may
be wondering from whence comes my strength..
Because..It's almost..
FRIDAY!!