Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

Shadow people seen
Tall dark figures on the wall
Is this just a dream?

They look pretty good
I wonder if they are real
Company for me

In the morning light
They leave very silently
To return at night

Now I wait on them
To appear and play with me
Secrets are such fun!

"The time has come to talk of things"
Said the rabbit to the condor
The rat and the snake were quick to agree
Yet the old tortoise needed time to ponder

The dragon came with heavy tread
Huffing, puffing and breathing fire
They all ran, things were getting hot
At this rate they would have a pyre

"Please stop," the condor cried
As he flew high overhead
"Stop huffing and puffing and burning things
Or soon we'll have some dead."

Warily the rat came up
And gave the dragon ale
Greedily the dragon drank
He sank pail after pail

A mighty burp and down he fell
His snoring echoed throughout the dell

This is your captain speaking
We are flying at an altitude of 30,000 feet
If you are flying on the right side of the plane you will see Arizona
If you are flying on the left side of the plane you will see Mexico
A little about myself
I am 45 years old
I have never been married
I love the Packers and I have no idea what I'm doing
You see the actual pilot just had a heart attack and died
I was supposed to be paying attention in case he did die
But I didn't
I've been skating along for the last 10 years on his accomplishments
So I'm hoping that someone on this flight knows how to fly a plane
Otherwise we are screwed
I'm going to be doing my best to cope with this situation
I am going to get drunk
If anyone else would like to join me in my drunken stupor
The stewardess will be happy to assist you with you beverage needs
I prefer Scotch
But there are many alcoholic beverages to choose from
I would suggest you choose a hard liquor as we have limited time
Before we crash into a mountain or the ocean
This has been your pilot speaking
Hoping you enjoy the rest of your flight
Or whatever's left of it

Cats crave cream
CAT craves cocoa
CrazyCAT chasing cold chocolate chariot

Arrives around alley and architectural arch
Adept at adapting, always attempt an accession
All avenues appear appealing,
As appetite assails attention.

Teasing truck travels to tantalizing treat traders..
Tempting troubled trek toward tall tailgate.
Testing teeny tiny tiptoes...trying tis this -
Then trepidation.. taking tantamount truffles.....
Truly terrific... the Tastiest Today(!!!!!!!)

fish like piranhas
swimming inside
devouring this mind
eating out parts
of a soul

as one hides
in the turtle shell
like a wise
old owl
once said
hoot hoot

laughing within
the owl
was mad
in this head
doing a three
sixty turn

one eighty
each way inside
the yolk
sweetly tasting
going dizzy
humpty dumpty
got back
on the wall
smiling back
to himself

Seventy maidens from CS castle
broke through enemy lines
They slew the guards of the sleeping
monarch..
They took the kings spoils with all
his golden treasures
They took Philistine spears and
shields
They took the latest Pyramid high heels
which helped women walk like an Egyptipn
They stole the queens pink panties
Then they entered the tent of the sleeping
monarch and clipped and snipped until
he was clipless and snipless
For they were merely following the ancient
saying, 'For she who weilds a heavy clipper,
shall emerge as royal Queen of the snipper.'
So the CS maidens bound him hand and foot
They followed to the letter the propheticbook
They paraded him through the city making
mockery and sport
They even stripped him of his boxer shorts
The lockless one did bow and kneel as half
naked maidens shouted,'How does that feel?
They tied him between pillars of stone
O, those naughty maidens did make him moan
So they teased and tickled for a month and
a day
Til the lockless monarch said,'O, behave!

Ok, class, settle down
Let’s get started
Jim
Stop with the clown
This is writing art
Today’s topic is
“Tasteful Ecstasy”
Who can give me a definition?

Joe go
“Something that tastes good”
That’s interesting, no
Jan what’s your answer
“Zombies have ecstasyplasm
but I don’t think its tastes good”
Uh, not at all understood!
Yes, Gg
“Does it mean Oh-la-la”
Sit down please
That’s a ha hah ha
Jeanie and Odette
May I remind you
So you don’t forget
This is a credit class
Please don’t overdo
Cat are you laughing?
Or are you just acting?

Has anyone even read
Tongue and Groove?
Unless you have read
The work by CJ Two
You won’t understand
This conceptual breakthrough

Dr. Galore is coming now
To help define just how
The mind of this author
Without attacking
Any mental lacking
Came up with the concept
Of “tasteful ecstasy”

Settle down please
Without further adieu
Lets have a round of applause
For Dr. Wussy Galore
She has a piled higher and deeper
Ooops, I have to take this
It’s my beeper

It isn't hard to be a Poet,,,
To write a bit of Poetry,,,,Isn't jolly hard,,,,,
Just write a load of Blahdy Blahdy Blah,,,,
Some poets think they're smarter,,,,,
In words they think is Banter,,,,
Are they really such a Martyr?,,,,
Let the battle Commence !!,,,,
You know it makes an awful lot of sense,,,,
To etch your name upon a fence,,,,
You see how easy it is to go with flowing rhythm,,,,
Get a mood going in idiosycraticism,,,,,
or maybe do a logarithm,,,,
Many numbers to be given,,,,
Base being exponent driven,,,,,
Add it up at any given moment,,,,
It's not hard to be a poets component ,,,,
But it's hard to be a part of a poem,,,
Unless on trees you grow 'em,,,
The same as growing potatoes in your ear,
Some they do that,,as a career,,,
And that is rather boring,,,
Can you hear me yawning,,,
It's not hard to be a poet,,,
It's just as yet you didn't know it,,,

Behold! A new decaf coffee on
the market brewed especially for
the poets 'muse', and packed with
ingredients designed to create a
sobering effect on the overly charged
poetic pen and bringing true cosmic
enightenment..
With this new Zen decaf you'll discover
electrifying truths such as:

Consciousness is the mother of thought
who fathered the seven daughters of
reason and is now paying alimony..

What used to be called, ' mind over matter
turns out to be nothing more than your
long distance call to your 'inner self', only
to discover( to your horror), that your mind
refuses to accept the charges..

Human achievement was dictated by
the dreams of ants that vanished as
the lost coloney of hope..

That stupidity is the wisdom of fools who
"learned more and more about less and
less til they finally knew everything about
nothing..

That if you call in sick to work even your
cat knows you're lying and you'll eventually
end up in a salt mine, with a pick axe, long
white hair, and wearing an eye patch as a
matter of divine retribution..

That the next time the planets line up
and your name begins with, 'C,'' Then
you will most likely be impregnated by
some extraterestrial visitor..

These and many more cosmic truths
can be yours when you sip your way
to immortal wisdom


Buy Zen decaf at your local supermarket..
$5.99 a can

You never know if its a
swish or a swash
If its a twirl or a swirl
A hippy move or a
seductive grove
Is it a naughty look or
a closed book
Her big toe balancing
her red highheel
Or a teasing test to
see how you feel
A flip of the hair in
the morning breeze
has brought many a
King to his knees
But those painted nails
and flashy eyes
Hath rendered this mortal
male to languished sighs..