Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

Here I sit all crisp and sweet
Just waiting for our lips to meet
To feel you as you savour my juice
I know you’ll let my flavour loose

Sip me slowly and I will please
Your every sense I will tease
Flavour that will blow your mind
A new experience you’ll find

Lift me up and drink me dry
As you empty me I know you’ll sigh
Your fingers around my stem entwine
I so long to be your glass of wine

Ten little girlfriends looking so fine,
One obsessed with religious cults,
And then there were nine.
Nine little girlfriends going out so late,
The demons would attack one,
And then there were eight.
Eight little girlfriends searching for heaven,
One never told the truth,
And then there were seven.
Seven little girlfriends so full of tricks,
One wanted everything,
And then there were six.
Six little girlfriends were just so alive,
One sought perfection,
And then there were five.
Five little girlfriends always wanting more,
One desired money,
And then there were four.
Four little girlfriends couldn't agree,
One always argued,
And then there were three.
Three little girlfriends wouldn't pursue,
One couldn't leave the past,
And then there were two.
Two little girlfriends basking in the sun,
One couldn't cope with age,
And then there was one.
One little girlfriend had charm by the ton,
But he couldn't see it,
And then there was none.

If Superman was fat,
Who would he be?
Maybe a pizza guy,
Or someone like me.

If Superman was sad,
How can we cheer him up?
Maybe bring a circus clown,
Or Morgan special brew tea in a cup.

If Superman was mad,
Who can save us from him?
Can we bring in Danny Davito,
Or me in my kryptonite spandex.

If Superman was a dad,
Won't have time to save the world,
With changing diapers and feeding,
Super babies in his pyjamas.

I once had a bag of monkeys
They were mostly well behaved
Until - one day - I took them to the racetrack
(Where quite a few of them escaped!)

One of them he
Went up a tree
And would not come down again
I waited for a long time
Until I could wait no longer
And I had to walk away

Another got onto a stable roof
And sat there taunting me
Then disappeared out of sight
(I heard him laugh with glee)

Then yet another
(Encouraged by the others)
Leaped from the sack
And made good his getaway

He jumped onto an old man's hat
And from there to a penciller's shoulder
Then hid inside a bookie's bag
(This only made him bolder)

(There were only a few left now
And they wanted to join their troupe)

"No way" (I said) "Settle down
That's enough mischief for today"
"Please" (they said) "Now let us out -
For we only want to play!"

"Maybe" (I said)
"But It seems that I
Cannot trust you lot at all-
Based on what I've seen today"

"Besides you've set my nerves on edge,
So now I need a beer -
(And by the way, am I the only one,
Who's thinking clearly here?")

"Fair enough" - the monkeys said
(As I took them to the bar)
"But can we have a drink as well-
As we have come this far?"

"It would seem fair" (I said to them)
"But you must be well behaved"
"We'll all be good" (they said to me)
"We will not act depraved"

"OK" (I said) "Then I'll let you out-
Though you'll all
Have to settle down -
And only two at a time"

"For two is company
And threes a crowd
(As you lot well know)
So come and gather round"

Cautiously I opened the bag
And let the first two monkeys out
Then cheekily (one said to me)
"I think it is your shout"

"Water for you two only" ( I told them)
"You're bad enough as it is -
And if you don't entirely mind
Sit there and mind your biz"

No sooner had they got their drinks
Then one it jumped the bar!
He grabbed a bottle of champagne
And poured it in a jar

Of course I tried to stop him quick
But soon he drank the lot
Then he smashed all of the glasses
And started throwing sh*t!

Well security - they threw him out,
And he wound up in the car park
(That was the last I saw of him -
Even though I sent a scout)

The other one sat on his bar stool
And quietly sipped his water
Then all of a sudden he jumped up
And stole a lady's fascinator!

He put the thing on his head
And then ran round and round
Then he was off and on the track
(They could not pin him down)

Now embarrassed I sat quiet
And stared into my beer
Then I said to the last one in the bag
"Why on Earth did I bring you here?"

The last monkey in the bag
Well, then he said to me:
"I cannot vouch for my friends-
So can you please now set me free?"

"Sure," I said "Your welcome now-
And trouble I can do without"
With that, I upended the bag
And that last monkey - he jumped out!

(Moral of the story?):
Don't take too many monkeys to the racetrack.


© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved

The rain is falling,
My head is spinning,
The train is arriving,
My mind is dreaming.



The rain is falling,
My body is shivering,
My eyes are drooping,
The weather is cooling,



The rain is falling,
The cats are barking,
The dogs are meowing,
And somewhere a baby is dancing!!



The rain is falling,
This is not happening,
My mum is shouting,
Tantrums at me for day-dreaming!!!



This world is changing,
People all around are starving,
Liars and cheaters are playing,
While the rain is still falling...

I am a handle to hold what the mind enfolds
soft in a lovers ear or quiet as a mothers tear
i can draw you close or make you run in fear
I can be long or short or one or two or in the middle too
I am the same for me and you but not the same its true
because I am the things my friends call me too

When I slept at the end of the bed I knew I no longer wanted you

When you came to bed late every night I knew you no longer wanted me,

Passion spent and gone was the love we once knew

Yes this was meant to be

I now have the king size bed.


Haha .

LOVE ON THE NET?!


I feel alone in need of love
So I go to a site
Where they say they want the same
But my heart is feeling the strain

Dating Sites are getting me down
Their the hardest game in Town
Look for love
But end up alone

They want you to be honest
Then cut you off!
You send a smile
They send a frown!

Dating sites are getting me down
Their the hardest game in Town
Look for love
But end up alone

Walking on eggshells
One word wrong
They throw you out
And your still alone!

They want rich
But you are poor
You want sweet
But they turn sour!

Dating sites are getting me down
Their the hardest game in Town
Look for love
But end up alone...

Hi! I am La Dudester by name. I seek out to find
a woman of a diffferent woman. And when
somebody told her she was a woman she
must still be able to knock them out with
a frying pan..

Six days ago I fell into a ditch. The
fire department pulled me out, and while
I was crying they bought me an ice cream
cone for 40 cents. They only did that
because my mother is from Egypt.

I am a man of great adventure. I watch
duck in park.

Twelve times I dated a woman of a different name but she still refused to
give birth to my 13 babies.

I single handedly overthrew the government of an entire nation but my
X- girlfriend said, 'That I still wasen't
tough enough.'

I am a warrior. One day I rode a horse into battle at 300 miles an hour. They
never did find the horse.

I'm planning to take a trip to another
planet one day. My X- boss has given up
his life savings to make sure I get there.

This new woman I seek on the site must
be willing to sleep in the woods for five
years before we sign a prenuptial agreement.

I am La Dudester.

Come to my country this Thursday night
so we can stand out on the street and
watch a circus horse tear up the town.

I am La Dudester!

You can email me @ dip dip La dip dip.
Or call me on 897-563-2942-638-074-024
My country is waiting to take your call

Send me a bag of french fries along with
your bank account number, birth certificate, and the deed to all your personal property. Lol.

Mistic meg what do you see when your glaze through me

As she takes my palm in her hand

Stares intensively

I furrow my brow thinking worriedly

" tis a dark haired man that will play games with your head

I'd. Never fall so stupidly

For dark haired man playing games with my head nor mystic Meg

I take my money off the table and run instead .


By K Frew.