Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

Come into my barn and shake off the cold
Ne'er mind that old nag all of her neighin'
She's just gettin' near-sighted and little old
And that ol' coon dog when he starts a'bayin'
Pay no attention to 'im he's just playin' bold
If you hear all those timid sheep start bleatin'
It 'cause those dang chickens is gettin' polled
So grab you here this shovel lets start feedin'
Let me show you around to the ol' grain hold
I'll fetch us a few bales of hay 'fo' proceedin'
Don't mind me a' askin' what it was you sold
Plenty time fo' hearin' even if you ain't sayin'
So speak up boy 'cause I haven't got all day
What brings you out this way if you don't say

A white and tan Pomchi
I adopted from the pound
Some days my only buddy
With big gorgeous eyes of brown
His fur is soft and shiny
He stands one foot off the ground
A playful little joker
He just loves his Mama's lap
A whispered, "Come 'ere, boy"
And he jumps up just like a cat
He springs upon my king high bed
I must hop up to mount
Then licks his paws and rubs his head
And sleeps there in a round
I must admit he got it honest
From two cats that I once had
They taught him how to tip the garbage
And chew open the bag
I once was married, my husband envied
This mutt that paid no bills
He said, "That pup must go!"
I said, "You'll go before he will."
In a day my hubby packed his bags
Suitcases on the floor
I whispered, "Get him, boy"
Dude barked that bum right out the door
Never fickle or finicky like a feline
But just as agile and very lucky
Once he cocked his leg inside
And we played dodge and ducky
Of course he won - he hid for a time
Then resurfaced, tail between his legs
He licked my calf, sat and smiled
For forgiveness he doesn't beg
I pat my lap, he pounced right up
With kisses for my neck
My dog-cat, cat-dog.
A good ole boy, yes indeed
He keeps at bay the jerks and strays
And warms my ice cold feet
Good boy!

It's me, I did it!
Gee, I backed into your car
Wow! Am I sorry

Ladies and gentlemen, I am not going to give a speech the way most people do it.
Maya Angelo, Oprah, or Tom Cruise once said that we live in moments
Oh I can't remember exactly what they said but I tell you this
I'm not going to thank God, my producer, my director, the academy, or anyone else for that matter
Nobody gonna breaka my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down
Oh no, I got to keep on moving
So I tell all the people watching me
Don't imitate me or anyone else
Be true to who you are
Go with yourself
I can't ####ing believe I'm here!

Summertime, and my liver's easen
Another bottle to the sky
My daddy's gonna risk, my momma's bad cookin'
So hush, little baby, otherwise you will fry

One of these mornings you're gonna rise up stinging
All these mosquitoes, don't help you get by
But when you're scratchin', ain't no-one will claim you
Even daddy and mammy who are standin' by

Swipe right
My daily rite
(For as a man
I need delight).

Swipe left
I feel bereft
(Although it's quick
As I am deft).

Swipe right
Maybe some night
She will let me
Be her knight.

Well, I'm alone
(And all out of fight)
Today I'm done
With swiping right.

Can this continue?
Well not tonight
(I've writer's block)
And so goodnight.



© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved

I still remember grandmas advice, on bringing in the new year
She'd make us all eat black eyed peas, a memory I hold dear
We were told that it would bring us luck, and us children hid our smirks
It's amazing how although we've grown, we hold on to our quirks
Never mind the fact, I broke my foot, exactly on the first
And all the while I suffered, I was told it could have been worse
The source of this tradition is vague, unclear and much in doubt
Yet come New Years, I will indeed, have a mess of peas in my mouth.

Everyone must try this!!!! and Please Share !!!!


The First Letter of My First Name Is:

A- Perky I- Kringle O- Elfie U- Peaches
B- Nipper J- Puddin P- Jingle V- Gingerbread
C- Bubbles K- Cookie Q- Snowflake W- Frisbee
D- Happy L- Tinker R- Jolly X- Evergreen
E- Squeezy M- Twinkle S- Elvis Y- Pinky
G- Merry N- Buddy T- Sugarplum Z- Tinsel
H- Tootsie

The Month I Was Born In Is:

JAN- Angel Pants JULY- Superplum
FEB- Floppy Feet AUG- Sugar Socks
MAR- Plum Pants SEP- Pickle Pants
APR- McJingles OCT- Sparley Toes
MAY- Peppermint NOV- Monkey Buns
JUNE- Toe Bells DEC- Pointy Toes

hahaha Merry Christmas Everybody.....

I was in at the Doctors and I say:

“….and Doc, I’m smoking 60 - 80 a day and
after I go cycle training I feel like crap.”

He reaches into his desk, pulls out some cigarettes,
offers me one and we lean back and gaze at the ceiling.

Then he says: “Look son, I’m just going to come right out and say it,
if you want to be an athlete you need to get a better bike.”

Don’t we all have
a Mr Bean or Bridget Jones
within us ?
A fumbling, flustering, bumbling side,
that we’d mostly much prefer would
hide !

Haven’t we all had
embarrassing moments sometimes
Feeling self conscious, nervous, or shy.
So,we trip over ourselves, get tongue twisted
Say the wrong thing
or
the right thing at the wrong time
Then wish we could press
rewind !!