Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

A bard as Ancient as Macintosh...

The night wears a satin black,
with countless poker dots diamonds,

And in the morning sky,
change into a silky gold,
with fluffy laces of milky pearls,

I once summoned a frighten toad,
to fight a dancing Dragon,
with its webbed feet and tongue,
but fled when it's turn came,

Then I call my mum on my handphone,
she hang up coz I didn't pay her bills,
how can I dance on frozen butter,
while only wearing my Superman underwear?
And where is a shooting star when you need one?

Sit back ladies. Break out the popcorn and
soda, (or whatever you've been smoking,)
and contemplate this difinitive survey on
the insanity of men. Film at 11:00.
Are men really insane? Here are the results from the institute of 'What the freak was I thinking patholology.'
MEN!
1. Was your new CS date unable to come up
up with a viable passport proving you're
a legitimate member of the human species?
2. Did she have to sit on the couch watching you snivel like a whipped pup
because your favorite football team lost
the game?
3. Do you drink motor oil to prove you're
tough?
4. Does she get concerned when you wear your 44.magnum to church on Easter Sunday?
5. Did she become alarmed when she discovered
that there's no record of your existence?
6. Would she trust her children in the
presence of a man who still believes that
Elvis has been sighted on Mars?
7. Does her mother weep because her new
boy friend refuses to wear nothing but green socks?
8. Will her new boy friend summit to an
exorcism at the states expense?
9. When she says a word like 'sex,'to her
new CS date will you bring the car to a
screaching halt and strip naked on an
interstate highway?
10. Was she surprised when she came home
and found you wearing a pink dress simply
because you wanted to identify with Cinderella?
11. Does she fear that for some reason
Her new heart throb will eventually end
up in the witness protection program?
12. Did a red flag go up when she saw
You eat 63 hamburgers, 18 hotdogs, and
a warmed over reptile from the local zoo
at the family picknick?
13. Do you howl at the moon in some futile attempt to resurrect your inner
beast?
14. Does your mother wish she hand given
birth to a purple frog instead of you?
15. Have you told you how many people you
have buried in your basement?
16. Before you kissed her good night did
you require her to fill out a medical form
to verify that she wasn't suffering from
some mutant strain of leprosy?
17. Do animals laugh at you behind your back?
18. Do you have an inordinate affection
for eating all the photo's from the
album of your previous marriage?
19. Did she file a missing persons report
when you spent six days in the bathroom?
20. Did she ever wonder why 13 undercover
police vehicle's are always parked in your
driveway, and where you came up with the
$700,000 she found stuffed in your matress?
21. Does she get curious when every time she confronts you about
the 14 trash bags full of letters you've
received from the mental institution and
you keep in the shed?
There it is Ladies! If you can answer
yes to any of these questions then you've
got yourself a brand new boy friend! I'm
so happy for you. It doesn't get any better than this. Just email us. We've
got your man!
Cafe

I have talent - by my own assertion-
And it seems that lately, many more agree;
Though writing chiefly now in the first person-
Is that person I now write of - really me?
Far be it now, for me to cast aspersion -
On many (or even any) of my deeds;
For it is merely all "poetic license"-
" I'm " the poet that the critics cannot silence.



© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved

This year the Easter Bunny isn't so funny. He only left candy for those with money. It's true. And even though he is new he is stopping in every yard to leave a little poo. Once you see the damage he can do, you're finished and through. One sight of this fuzzy, little critter makes you determined not to be a quitter.

Break out the guns cause here he comes. Hopping here and there. Let them try to hit him once. He still refuses to be their lunch. There is only one of him against ten boys and men. Poor bunny. They try this each year again and again. When will they realize he is always going to get his way and win?

What will the children do? Can't explain it. The bunny will show on Easter Day. Children win games, hunt for eggs and play all as the Easter Bunny disappears for witness protection where he will stay. Until he returns next Easter Day!

Someone yelled, "I want those men."
But ol Abe answered "You can't have them."
"Take my daughters but not the men."
"Take the girls you can have them."
"
these men are my guests.
"Daddy give em your wife or maybe Lots too.
"We wanna stay home with you."
"What makes you think yo have a choice?"

"T"s no womens lib yet not for a while
"So go with the men and flash your blg smile."
"Take my daughtersthey are all yours,
Take them to a motel take them next door.

Pink is soft and pretty. It reminds me of the cotton candy you buy at the fair in the city. Pink on a kitten's nose and little toes. Pink when a baby is first born. A fuzzy, pink blanket to keep you cozy and warm.

A pink sunset that surely you will never forget. Living life with no regret. The pink sky warns that there will be morning storms. Stay inside where it is safe and sound. Listen to the rain as it comes down. Once again the pink sun shines bright. All in the world is perfect and right.

Pink brings me much comfort and peacefulness. It is simply the Best. Whatever the weather all I do is jump into my favorite pink sweater and it all comes together. I will love the color pink forever!

Hey,
Love sucks,
Run and shout,
We are not Spartans!
It does not take long.

To break into an illuminati dance,
Skirts are not for men in sneakers,
Pulling back the stings of their Looney bow strings,
Selfies we are not nor will we ever be,
Bring your pussycat dolls and test our Lego bricked defense!

Do not write a poem,
when silent speak in silence.

Do not feed the demons,
biscuits and watermelons.

Do not say to sitting ducks,
that they're fierce dragons.

Do not give lame excuses,
to play with trolls and maidens.

Do not kiss and tell,
Venus you want more.

Do not speak in riddles,
when fools are in the middle.

Do not break q promise,
to bring joy and smiles to all.

Do not leave without q comment,
or I'll call mum to shoot you!

To hear my cat snore make me lol until I am rolling on the floor. The photos shake off my walls and neighbors beat down my door. They wonder as I what's she doing that for? Some are lol too while others stay a little sore.

She's my mama cat sweet, dear, loving and fat. A rescue senior at that. She is signed up for AARP and when she sneezes she has to run to pee. It's all good for 103.

By tomorrow she will start talking in tongues, sleep walking and stalking me for fun. Oh, I know she's not all bad. Without her snore life would be such a bore. Never had a cat that could snore so loud. Purrrrhapes she is deaf and doesn't hear how loud? But of herself I'm sure she is proud!

Going to sleep lately is something that I dread. Come to find out there are monsters under the bed. At first I thought it was all in my head. Until one of them ask for water and a slice of bread! Oh, dear don't know what I should do. I mean what if it happened to you?

One is green the other yellow I think one could be a nice bed fellow. I don't care. I just wish someone would take them elsewhere. They can be scary when making sounds and whisper. I believe they may have a younger sister. I try to be polite by calling them Mr. As I tell them goodnight. But no way will I turn off the light. I'm afraid they just may bite.

There are monsters under the bed. I tell my friends but they don't believe a word that I said. I call others on the phone asking how do I find them a new home? I can only pray that soon they will go outside to play. Then, I'll change my locks on my door and there will no monsters under the bed anymore!