Last Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

Call me crazy, a bit hazy
Pick me a Moon daisy
I am only musing
What could be amusing
About that one email
I wish to see in my in box
The one from the red fox
That offs my pink socks

A note to make me pale
Full of tempest like a gale
Causing my heart to sail
Sweet innocence prevails
Words that don’t fail
Leaving breadcrumb trails
To ignite a love unveiled

Alas, it never comes to me
Why I ask, why oh why
Are you just being shy?
I am looking for a reply!
From a special one I crave
That will make me behave
Like a silly school girl
Put my heart in a whirl

Give me a shock wave
Commence me to rave
About the one so brave
This mysterious one
That could be so fun
And may be the only one
To cause me to be undone
My heart completely won
Falling like bricks, a ton

I’m crazy enough already
Nervously waiting, unsteady
I really need to finally see
That special email to me
In my ever loving inbox
From the brave red fox

But, where in the world
Is this one illusive email
Being delivered by a snail?
I need air mail!

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.

Its Called therapy.

if the coins on the same face,
your not on the same page,
ive a cheeky smile,
for you maybe,
thats what makes it cheeky,
if you could read minds,
you would laugh,
i think you would know me better,
what i wouldnt do to please you,
was beyond dreams,
dreaming a reality

Im not a poet
and u dont have to tell me i already know it
jus laying on my bed bored as hell
thinking damn i wish a nice strong guy
would pick me up right now
some people act like love is so hard
when its really quite simple
if im the one i already have your heart
beautiful girls flirting making their eyelashes flutter
but when im around none of those other girls matter
and if im the right girl for and youve been waiting
patiently im gonna arrive right on time
sweep you off feet and make you mine
well its time to take a run and leap in the bath
candles honey strawberrie and cream bubble bath
dont worry honey i allways have your back
so dont be harsh with your comments cuz if you didn't
notice the poems called im not a poet and i already know it

Watch out all gallant knights
Those red ruby lips
She's all that and a bag of chips
O yes, another Irish maiden..
She'll spin you around with a
whip and heels
Take that in stride
See how that feels..
La rapturecapture

My Mailbox

Amazing is what I ‘oft exclaim
‘Cause my suitors all know my name
Yah, it’s “beautiful lovely pretty”
But to me it sounds a bit gritty

Like eating fruit on the beach
And the sand gets caught in your teeth
Yuk!
You make all kinds of gestures
Looking like a court jester

Yes, when I open my CS mailbox
To see what handsome widow man
Has successfully picked the locks
Adjusted his profile to execute his plan
Thinking he (or she) is as smart as a fox

Silly men we weren’t born yesterday
Or for that matter the day before
I think they see us as donkeys that bray
However, we see them as a tiny little spore

What a bore! (Betty Davis accent needed)
It’s just funny now, their pitiful little tales
As they adjust words and pictures for the sales

Hey bozo! you stumbled into an intelligent lot
We’re all ‘wise and hip and with it’ you clown
You’re not all that bright, really a very low watt
None of us here seem to be jumping up and down

Move along little doggies, get the hell out of town
Get out of our space you're a disgrace and we erase
And as far as my mailbox and your self made glory
You’re just becoming fodder for my book, my story
So “Romance This”
I perceive something is amiss
Dismissed!

knocker knockers knock knockers that ought not to be knocked
the knockers that knocker knockers knock the most are small knockers
knocker knockers ought not to knock small knockers
knocker knockers rarely knock large knockers
knocker knockers ought not to knock large knockers either
knocker knockers ought to have their heads knocked together

Come join us at the long table with torches
hung from castle walls
Bare foot maidens dressed in velvet and white
Tis an evening we'll spend in enraptured delight
Harpists will play as black panthers look on
The knights pour the coffee dancing with song
Come take your first drink from goblets of gold
And toast to your spirit this potion so bold
The first sip has you floating as cloud horses
sweep you up
Another sip and you'll be happy we filled the
whole cup
A marching band of purple ants step in cadence
across your fingers
You slipped your mind in your pocket and for
the evening it lingers
The toothpick people had the wizzard arrested
But it never went to trial and was never contested
So drink up O maidens and knights do the same
And fret not of the stories of those gone insane.

Stir stir bubble and boil
Churn churn in loves
sweet toil
This maidens lure is one
smooth lotion
She'll never resist this seductive
potion
Sprinkle exotic herbs and she's
bound to squeal
Add a few strange grapes and
she'll surely kneel
O, naughty naughty simmer and
bake
O, wilt thou taste this wizards cake?

Hello beautiful
How are you doing today?
I hope real good
Better now that I came your way

I really want to know you better
You look so gorgeous in that sweater
Just contact me at my private email
It’s mindf*ck@loveyou.com
From there I will hail
How great I am

I am just not here very often
Go ahead and email me
No need for caution
I’ll answer with glee

I don’t care if you’re brunette or blond
My goal is to only to abscond
With your heart, soul and money
Come on beautiful sweetheart honey
Waiting to hear back from you
For now, I bid you adieu

Yep, my job here is done
I’ve only sent out a ton
Of private request emails
Because not all of them fails