Most Commented Humor Poems (1,868)

My inbox said, connecting singles you have new mail
My toes curled, the rush of blood made my face pale
Who could it be? Had someone enjoyed my smile?
Was my search over after many an endless mile

I quietly connected with an unsteady trembling hand
That feeling of emptiness vanished to some other land
The red lit button seemed to mesmerise my gaze
My eyes misted over in tears involuntary haze

My new beginning was just one click away
Oh how I sought for this to be our lifelong day
With hope and trepidation your message I read
How I wished you would be the butter for my bread

Helo, how isn’t you, I do not like alcohol or smoke
I see your profile, it say you pretty nicey bloke
I look for love it say you want to do the sames
Pay my fares pleese, I meet you when comes on trains

I much height womens my years older is twenty eight
I comes to you me nevers turns over late
Much love for yous it says pleads my hart
Plees to reply to ******.com for our massage to start

Could this be it my mind said with a bounding plea
I felt so weak I virtually sank onto one knee
My tattered heart pleaded you was not another scam
Another lonely night spent with a plate of chips and spam

Who is the female movie star I'm most
attracted to. There's actually 'maybe' three
or four that are very close but the one that
drives me crazy you must guess. Do you
really know the kind of woman that can
pull my chain? Take a guess. She's a modern
actress. She portrays herself as pretty much
down to earth and a one man woman.
Ok madiens..who would I really be attracted
to? Do you know me. I've dated women
with her personality. But maybe you can
teach me the error of my ways. I'm all ears.
God bless the maiden detectives.
And knight's will win an engraved bronze
shield.
Good luck. cafe2

I put all of my faith within you
Lavished upon you
All the love money could buy
Nurtured you
Cherished ever part of you
But once again you let me down
What more can a man do
I would ask myself repeatedly
I felt so proud
At all the admiration you received
When we went about town
I did not mind all the envy
Shown towards me
And those looks
Of pure want from other males
Could you not feel
All my adoration
That spilt
Over and made me weep
Did you not sense the emotions?
As I ran my fingers over
The sleekness of your lines
Caressed the contours
Of your wondrous body
Why oh why
Did you let me down once again!!
And now, I shall abandon you
As you abandoned me
In future
I shall tread more carefully
And buy myself a Ford!

I heard the rattle in my throat
That distinctive sound
Of gargling with shotgun pellets
Aunt Mavis knew what it meant
She had heard it all before
Forty years in the chicken factory
Had taught her a thing or two

But I didn’t bother to pass
Best that I just ignore it
Pearly gates never did anything for me
That’s the trouble with Atheism
You are just stuck in the middle
Looking up or down
But nowhere really to go

The milkman once said to me
Son, always be prepared
For what lies on the other side
I wasn’t sure what he meant
So I crossed the busy road
Still holding the four leaf clover
I had stolen from the dead man's hand
And clutching the St Christopher
Aunt Mavis swore would keep me safe
Forty years in the chicken factory
Had taught her a thing or two

They was advertised at the store
Death rattles for sale
Buy one, get one free
Why would you ever want two?
When one would always be
Much more than sufficient
Still, better to be safe than sorry

With a WHOOOOOSH……and a WHIZZZ,
Scattering snow with a fizz,
Children looking anxiously, for the slightest sign,,
He is skimming ‘cross the sky, performing tricks with time,
While mere mortals are out in the night air shivering,
He is squeezing down every chimney delivering,
Or even the smallest gap….some think this an impossibility,
As not all have chimneys you see, not in the city,
But, as at the same time, he is both here and there,
With speed his cloak of invisibility, he gets everywhere,
On every child who believes, he will call,
As surely as frosty winter follows fall,
To all in the neighbourhood,
Especially to those who have been……
Extra specially….. Good!

I am just a girl
Living in a big big world

I love 'LadyBee'
I want her to be LADY of ME :")

I love 'FELLSMAN’
I want him to FILL ME

I love 'ANDREW'
I will change my name to AND YOU
Now we will be ANDREW AND YOU
(which it means Andrew & ME)

^_*

Oh-O I love ‘Macduff’
Would you be my MC Love?

Oh that’s ‘Boyshchrm’
Does he know he make my heart alarm?

ahh Whatta sexy ‘Grandad’
If he is not mine that would be sad!!!

hey wassup 'Mike'
Would you mind being my Knight?

^0^

Hello, 'hedistuff'
A smile from you is not enough
May I also have your heart?

I also love ‘Marikia’
I want her to be near

Awww That’s sweet ‘Niah!’
I fear I can’t live without her

My princess ‘SWAN’
I miss you from night until dawn

^_^

I can’t choose who’s the best
But I’m afraid to lose ‘Pilgrim”

Oh that’s ‘Moonontide’
Would you be my moon this night?

Come over here ‘Jazzy’
My arms long to hug you badly

NOoooo don’t smile at me 'byfaith'
It makes me think you are “my faith"

^___^

Nice to meet you 'Jihadmeathello'
you know you had me at HELLO >_</

oh o that ‘Trurorob’
If you were a cop
I would be a robber
Now you and me will be COP & ROB (ber)

^_*

Excuse me ‘Stillframe’
Haven’t we met?
May I have your name?

Oh-O 'SCatlyn'
I meet you I need aspirin
Cus you make my heart SPIN!!!

^_*

Mr. 'Mitch' Excuse me?
Are you free tonight?

Oh that ‘Serpico’
May I know is your heart available?

awwww hi there 'GNJ4u’
If you let me kiss you
That’d be so cool

'I am who I am you see'
Here’s my heart for you, you see?

ahh—My sweet lady 'Readerofsouls'
Can you read my soul sweeties?
It’s keep calling ROS ROS
Instead of SOS
^_*

Wait a minute ‘lonewolf’
Please come stay in my heart
you’ re approved.

Hello ‘earlgreytea’
I long for you come over me

Hi ‘a good guy to have’
Are you really a good guy to have?
If so, May I have you?

Howdy ‘Bentlee’
Can you come and sit next to me?

^0^

Mr. ‘magykmir’ please wait
Look at me and tell, do you believe in soul mate?

Excuse meeee, Mr. 'mcradloff'
Is there an airport nearby??
or is that my heart taking off?

OH-OOO Mr. ‘Swade’
I see Swade I scare
I scare to love you


LOL I’m so funny
Whom should I pick to be my hunny???!!!!
this Valentine’s Day!!!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh

You never let me down
You're always around
Whether I'm up or down
You can always be found
You keep me in line
Even keep my time
No matter what look
Comes across my face
You always keep
Me at pace
You make me wet
From sweat
You make my heart beat fast
Sometimes your're a blast
My breathing gets heavy
My legs are on fire
I feel so tired
Aaa ,my time has expired !

When I was age five
Fairy tales were still alive

Along came 15
Wow now I’m a teen

An aspiring adult at 25
Things are just coming alive

Not a young adult at 35
But still keeping my stride

Middle age at 45
Old age is a far cry

Oh dear now 55
Managing to still thrive

Today I will turn 65
Still here and am alive!

Kickit rolled into town
Tyres hot and smoking
Pulled up next to Billiegirl's van
A Kombi with purple flowers
Jazzy was there pacing around
Busy writing some poetry
Happygolucky when she arrived
Off into the woods she ran
Last words heard 'one of these frogs'
There was Redex with brush in hand
Practising poetry for performance
Poetnumber1 in Porsche arrives
With lots of girls in tow
Inside the place was really jumping
Up stood elo to read new poem
This poem titled 'Frustrated'
He waved his hand, a hush fell
And then he spoke his poem

Frustrated

The crowd went wild for never before
Had they heard a poem so succinct
A poem of only one word
That was never heard of before
Next came Fellsman, a man, a legend
Who's poetry was so precise
The crowd so silent, mouths wide open
The words as sweet as honey
One after another up they came
There was niah and marikia
Followed by Odette and andrew
Agoodguy and cafetwo and Country Lady
Netman, boyshchrm and paloma
Thelmatalla up she stood
To read her 'I Love You CS Poets'
And even freepoetry made appearance
SunNieS gLinnTing bY StagELighT
One by one up they went
Then finally it finished
The crowd was hoarse and with aching hands
All worn out and tired
The day was done
Each read their work
Next year there'll be another

i almost cried
bought a cheap
gas bottle
a friend was up visiting
said a neighbor moved out
gave it to him saying
its almost full
saying its three times
the size of the gas bottle
which you have there

how much do want for it i said
seeing a chance
of a bargain
30 euros he said
managed to get it
for 20 euros
telling him
i am taking a chance
it might not work
smiling into myself

got it back to the place
carried it around the back
got a jublie clip
connected them together
went in began putting on a fry
cooking away almost done
i turn
my niece walks in the door

she gives me one
awful push screaming
into flames
roaring saying
the place
is on fire
all the hairs
on my arms went up in smoke
caught a bucket of water
throwing it upon the flames
my hair catches fire
my niece
was roaring laughing
at this stage

ran around the back ripped
the gas bottle out of the wall
run in with another bucket of water
dousing the flames
ran to the barrel of water dipping my hand in
only now i am shaking with shock
that stupid gas bottle has just
cost me a clean fortune

should of known
it was to good to be true
put creams for burns on
had a sleepless night
but everything is ok
just have hairless arms
sick working at
repairing the damage

that is me
finished with gas bottles
my niece said she could
not help laughing
even i was in flames
she said it was the fastest
she ever saw me moving
with your hair on fire
it was like something out
of a movie

she said
it did not seem real
that she was shocked
stood and done nothing
my father today
began laughing

he said my arms
he never seen them
looking so smooth looking
a better job
than waxing he said
a mad story
from the hills
of donegal

imagine that
an idiot almost
blew himself up
laughing out loud
into myself ha ha