Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

AAALLLLLAA……….kaZZZZam……..Poooooof!


Well, there you go princess,
One ugly frog, now princely man,
Just hope with this transmogrification,
Comes much wanted love action,
And, that on your wedding night,
All his bits work, to your satisfaction……..

When I see the ‘1’
I realise that there is but one God and he lives inside of me.
When I see the ‘2’
I think of the two people that brought me into this life, my Mother and Father.
When I see the ’3’
I see three brothers, Bob, Phil and me.
When I see the ’4’
It reminds me that I have four beautiful Daughters.
When I see the ’5’
The five Children whom I know that I am their father.
When I see the ’6’
I add a ‘nought’ the number of jobs I’ve had, I think.
When I see the ‘7’
I think of my seven Grandchildren who mean the world to me.
When I see the ‘8’
I’m reminded of the eight types of medication I take in a day
that keep me alive.
When I see the ‘9’
The years I’ve lived away from my family.
When I see the ‘10’
I see those ten little friends I’ve had over the years, my Pets.
Five dogs, three budgies, a love bird and a ferret.
When I see the ’Jack’
It reminds me always use one when changing tyres.
When I see the ’Queen’
I see my only true love my soul mate.
When I see the ’King’
Of course there is only one, ‘Elvis’.
When I see the ‘Ace’
Then it’s the same as number ‘1’.
Finally the ‘Joker’ need you ask?
There are ’Four’ suits in a pack, the number of suits I’ve ever owned.
‘Thirteen’ cards in a suit, If that number falls on a ‘Friday’ then I don’t go out.
‘Fifty two’ cards in a pack, the number of women I’ve ‘loved’ (I wish).
Add all the spots on the cards, there are 365 the number of ‘women’ I wished I’d loved.
So you see my friends, by always carrying a ‘pack of cards’ with me I should be able to stave off
‘Senile dementia‘.

Flowing with smooth own rhythm.
Twisting turning reaching for me.
Cool invigorating alive wearing stone.
So powerful is the sea.

(Spoken)
Love…..What mischief thou hast wrought,
Why dost thou feel like a dagger in mine breast?,
Cold…..Rusted….Old,
Did I not welcome you to mine bosom, mine life,
Yet….Thou hast returned, barely an apparition of what thou once were, to repay mine kindness with untold strife.
Linger not more foul ghost….Push hard,
Forsooth, thou hast hoist me by mine own petard,
Know thou that I loved thee, and truly ‘tis my dying wish,
That one last time, thou shoudst kiss me fully on mine lips,
(Then spoken behind mine own hand)
Then methinks, haha, that I shouldst rise once more to love again, your diabolic plans to foil, as to thine own eyes it looks like I hath shuffled off this mortal coil.
(Then spoken aloud)
Lest should’st I forget in the afterlife all that I cherish,
As I take mine last breath, and, by thine own hand….Perish!

THE END…….
(Don’t forget to bow before walking off, pick up all the decent looking flowers for resale tomorrow outside the door!)

on television today, I heard in a movie promo
'you never remember the beginning of your dream'
I contemplated this statement
at first, what I recalled, was not so much about me
but about...so many others
who had stated, in regard to their cause
that 'it had all started as a dream'
then, as for my dreams, I clearly recall that,
it wasn't the beginning of a dream, that I missed,
though I would never recall it,
....but the climactic ending!
the teaser...satisfaction....rarely came to fore, to fruition
it doesn't really matter anyway
many times dreams,
are a result of your diet that day
you may dream by what you may eat
doesn't mean that you dream about the actual food
only that certain foods, steer your voyage that night
if only we could chart a course...
perhaps a seven course meal
would find us on seven seas, or seven planes
we're already aware that our dreams...
carry us from one plane, to the next
...and then back again
sometimes...repeatedly!
sometimes I dream of a man version of me
so much different than my 17 year old personna
I see it and think 'oh, that's nice'
I look forward to that some day...
those many times, when things may not go so well
a person may reflect 'I must have been dreaming'
but in truth, was only wishful thinking
...after the fact
I'm dreaming...right now
I'm dreaming of you and you and you and you and...me!
....and, of course, of every desire we may harbor...
oh please...let me remember any part of it...

If I ever, find a man,
That truely loves me to bits.
I'll kiss his hand, and cuddle him.
Then let him play with my .... felt tips!!!!

;)

Hey, Cowboy!
Hold your horse,
Slow down!
Whattya think,
You'r the only one in the town?

I know I'm a pretty gal
And you wanna take me out.
Whattya gonna to impress me with?
Old hat, lonely look
And the boots worn out?

Touch my heart, Cowboy,
Let it sing.
If you can't - get back in the line
Before I sting.

*************************************
Responce, By Redrose2009:


...
A Knightly Cowboy

In a sun-kissed town
By sundown
Lonely looks of a cowboy with exhausted boots and a tattered hat
Meet tamed looks of a pretty gal staring at his horse’s rat-a-tat-tat
She waves at the knightly cowboy, with a change of heart
Asks him if he’s the only one in the town to have a heart-to-heart
After greeting with a friendly “Hi”
He says, in this town, he’s the only regular guy
His golden touch can turn hearts into spring
He’s even able to make them beautifully sing.

...
*********************************************************
Responce By ustju

To Aprhodite

To a pure goddess

Did I just hear a voice? Or was it the whisper
Of a Goddess that walked this way past?
I stopped, I had a look and found to my joy
That Aphrodite herself set her eyes on me at last.

But why should she take her time to look
Upon a cowboy who thinks he’s the only one in town?
Surely he is a nobody compared to such beauty;
I wonder, but it only makes me frown.

This heavenly creature is the same one of my dreams;
The same one whose face makes my heart leap.
And now that she has taken human form
I shall no longer find relaxation in my sleep.

Come Aphrodite single me out
Let me shower you with eternal love
Let me fold my arms around you in perfect bliss
And clasped together let us fly beyond the clouds above.


from your Cowboy

I Ponder on a vision of your lovely profile.
The thoughts of you make me go half wild.
A quiver from my loins now do attest,
My feelings for you are not in jest.
My heart's smouldering as if too ignite.
I'll dream of you throughout the night.
My heart beat races as I think of you close!
The rythmic pulse creates a lurid pose...
I now put my hand to my bosom dear.
My heart is pounding with visions clear!
On these things I will no longer pontificate.
Egads! Tis only my cell phone set to vibrate!!

I'm going down to the record station.. I'm gonna buy me a backwards jukebox.. I'm going to play all my favourite songs wearing nothing.. but my hat and my socks

and listen to Blaze.. as he sings every song.. ending to start.. and ill get all my stuff back.. my farm and my truck.. and my unbroken heart

and I'll listen to Prine.. as he sings of a wife.. who had enough and walked out.. taking my truck and my dog and my friend.. and their all driving south

the night with all of its darkness
will fade away to a day.. and that old freight train travelling west
will go backwards the way

I'll try to be nicer as everyone said I was nasty and mean.. but I'll keep certain comforts.. my mountain dew still and my lover.. Charlene

the debt on the farm that was drowning me.. will ebb away to my shins.. and even God will get happy.. as every day I'll be.. handing back sins

I can honestly say it's gravy man
and I don't owe a buck.. and everyday that I wake up.. there somehow seems to be gas in my truck

Hi.
i saw your profile in the phoTo
you made.
Are you a. Moviestar sir ?
I for myself raise monkeys
on a island iN the
SoUth Pacific
I make $375,000
for each of every year
I like older Men even
Though I'm only 23
I have 5 degrees from
Harvard, I also work on
the space station in
outter space
This way I can feed
My moNkeys well
I am Willing to come
to your country if
you tell youR pastor
that you will pUT
the golden ring
On my finger
T hen on our honeymoon
we can go to Egypt
and did up
Mummies!
Hope to hear from
you sOon.

i am me by name