Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

Send more maidens, or I'll start sucking
my thumb. Zzzzzzzzzzzz!

I often wish I always had the time
to make some words to play in rhyme.
But so many times I have tried in vain
and it caused me nothing else but pain.

When I get the lines to sound the same
I often have to drop my head in shame.
For when I have my words in a sound array
it does not always mean what I try to say.

Then at times I do not wish to know
if my skills to rhyme will ever grow.
In times like this I often fail to find
the urge to write just what is on my mind.

Oh the hours I would while
With my vertical smile
The days would quickly pass
Oh the ladies would be swoonin
Well I would be just moonin
If I only had an a##
I would do a lot of sittin
My pants would be a fittin
I'd pass a lot of gas
To the folks I'd be relatin
All about my defecating
If I only had an a##
Oh I would run around
And do what most people do
I'd decorate my crack with ribbons too
What's the matter?
Don't you?
With my back facin a mirror
I'd scrutinize my rear
In my looking glass
There would be a lot of takers
When I shake my money maker
If I only had an a##

Words aren't enough
To express the way I feel about you
Oh, I can tell you I love you
And I need you
But words aren't enough

I long to hold you tight
Gaze into your beautiful brown eyes
Taste your ruby red sweet lips
Slide my hands down your hot curvaceous body
Slip off your clothes and
Caress you all over
Followed by soft kisses from head to toe
And then......

Oh, words are definitely not enough.

Mamma, I had my rag dolls on my chair
Sitting in my room and now their gone!
‘Are you sure they were on the chair
They didn’t just vanish in thin air’!

Maybe this is what happened . . .

Raggedy Ann was playing the part
Of a Lady in love in a castle far away
Tired of waiting for her Lord to return
She wandered down the hall and did stray
Happening upon the dimly lit dining hall
She helped herself to a little sip of brandy
Feeling lost without her Raggedy Andy
Who is pretending to be the castle Lord
That comes to find her fighting to the death
With his mighty shield and Nerf sword

They love one another right Mamma?
‘yes, dear, but let me finish my drama’

Now, there are at least eight rag dolls
In this house, maybe more, I’m not sure
And I’ve seen them in every room
In every form of costume
They’ve been thrown on the floor
Hidden behind locked doors
Flopped on and under chairs
Found among your teddy bears
Left abandoned on the stairs

Crumpled in corners amongst the dust bunnies
Don’t laugh, this lost rag doll situation isn’t funny
Broom handles we had to use to retrieve
The rag dolls we found way under your beds
That fiasco rescue resulting in bumped heads
Why these rag dolls get lost is hard to conceive
And you know how many times I’ve tripped over them
Missing rag dolls are turning our house into mayhem

Admit it love, they’ve been all over this house
Been found in more places than a castle mouse
Their everywhere and they always go missing
There is no need to blame your sisters

So, the very next time your rag dolls are lost
Probably tomorrow or the next day, I’d say . . .
I want you to pretend that they are fair maidens
Held captive by an evil wizard in a far away castle
Peering out a window as they tug on a velvet tassel
In order to save them and rescue them again (and again)
You need to gather a formidable army and saddle your horses
Enlisting your sister Knights to join up with your search forces

Interruption . . .

What about Lord Raggedy Andy that comes to the rescue
Fighting to the death with his mighty shield and Nerf sword?

Pause …

Lord Raggedy Andy is a spy and was tried in King’s court for malicious lies
Honestly, he wouldn’t have been much help, remember, he has button eyes!

Well, his shield and his Nerf sword were not fit for battle being way too soft
Oh, by the way, I think I saw your rag dolls out in the barn, way up in the loft

Go look! And if you find your rag dolls you can have a piece of candy
I’ll be waiting here in the dining hall, just having a little sip of brandy

I try and make
my comments
like a woman's skirt
long enough

to be interesting
short enough to be respectful...

No body talks
if a chicken can't fly
or when the honey bee flies
no one comments...

Cool posts
and comments
make cool friends!

If it's negative
don't forget
to leave it in my suggestion box
shaped like a toilet!

It is universally known
(As a de facto theory)
That women judge a man
By his shoes.

(Or so they say) ; however;-
What would the reverse case be?

Are us men to make
Value judgements
About high stilettoes
Or a woman in moccasins?

No! I maintain it's her handbag
That shows her class
(Something elegant need not be expensive).

A tote bag
About the size
Between an A4 and A3
piece of paper.

If it is elegant
An imitation is OK,
(Provided it doesn't look like
A cheap knockoff).

Which of course would give
The game away.



© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved

Worn habits to break
Elevate through sweats and ache
Spring arrived to awake


A drop of sunshine
Is brewing in bubbling brine
Dandelion wine


A school of sardines
Swam in sync into a tin
Sardines of my dreams

Days upon days the rain lashed down
Drowning my beautiful flowers crowns

The grasses have grown knee high
Seemingly trying to reach the sky's

Knowingly stepping out
I will feel the rains clout

The birds are hiding in the trees
Me, walking in puddles up to my knees

What more can I say
Will I be washed away?

Nope I have a big tin tray at the ready
And a paddle to keep me steady

An adventure, or pain in the ash
Splashing down again, sorry must dash

OH NO! the tray and paddle have gone astray
Down the street I see them sway

Wait! I yell you've set off too soon
I laugh now the rain is in a swoon

Well now to end my tale
I've bought a boat with a sail

Trying on a mask
A familiar stranger
Stares back at me

A squeaking sound
My shoes travel where they want
Get to follow them

Eruption in space
Into a new dimension
The wave of love spreads