Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

ya know i was a little bored
i calculated time and light
after few days of pondering
hitting the clear
finally came to a conclusion
of what is time and light
now i'll share
i broke out my calculator
added then subtracted
but couldn't come up with an answer
in the way it mattered
i was left puzzled one more time
until the light came on
then i finally got it right
time and light can be found
in a scientific round
called a light year.
this is all i could ponder
hope this is the answer
so i can stop pondering
the time it took you to
read this in the light

My friends came round the other day
I suggested a card game we could play
The only deck that we could find
Where Tarot cards, we did not mind
I got a full house, felt excited inside
But on winning the hand, four people died.

There was a young lady called jewel,
who went for a dip in a pool,
the water made her bikini shrink,
which made me think,
about anything else, just to keep my cool.

ok, despite an explicit direction
you clicked for a closer inspection
maybe to get a singular connection
without invoking undo detection

let this then, not lead to dismay
that you be pleased with what i say
do not quickly depart without delay
and leave me here 'til judgment day

some insight and humor you have wanted
to read these lines i left undaunted
by trivial phrase so brazenly flaunted
through ears to memory i have haunted

i knew then that i could count on you
to click the button to pass on through
you couldn't resist, and so eschew
these weird rhymed lines for your review

now that we've gotten into these stanzas
i beg your pardon that initial commands a
mine that obliquely obliged this bonanza
a trivially rhyming quatrain extravaganza

maybe next time the direction is NOT
your attention to me, a passing shot
you'll find strength to do what i cannot
namely, waste my time on this tommyrot

© agoodguy2have 2011-01-01

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---January---

Torn between two
The one you love
And the one that loves you
You gonna choose …WHO?

If I had to choose
I would choose you;
The one I love
Though you don’t love me
But I will wait for you
Until you love me

=======

---October---

Torn between two
The one you love
And the one that loves you
You gonna choose …WHO?

If I had to choose
I'd choose.....
The one that loves me
I'd choose him
...
But not that I love him
Not that I don’t wait for you
But look at the baby boy
Do you think his face looks like WHO???

Just haven fun
i couldn't come
i was tired
maybe i should be fired
i know i wasn't hired
but i'm poor
i found the door
i'm out of time
hope you had fun
cause this was dumb.

HEY!
You gotta get down to get up,
Drink strong fruit juice from a fancy glass cup,
Do the funky thingy and spin around,
Jump up in the air, then touch the ground,
Hi-five your neighbour, clap their hand,
Party to party, land to land.

You’re the queen and I’m the king,
C’mon baby….Do.. Your …Thing!
Now you’re spinin’ so fast, just a blur,
Too much fruit juice makin’ me slur,
I’ll ask the DJ to slow down the beat,
Takin' my shirt off, can’t stand the heat.

That’s it…Now I’m getting’ it right,
God…These flairs are really tight,
Swing my hips, thrust in a tease,
Do the Travolta thing on my knees,
Why am I suddenly dancing alone?
Is it time already for me to go home?

Silly cheerful people
From a cold and dreary land
listen to me closely
maybe you can understand
I don't believe in karma
Jesus Christ or a world peace
I don't believe in most beliefs
Be it west or far far east
I believe in the life I live
I believe in what I see
It may seem deranged, a tad bit strange
I call it reality

Socks with sandals, boots and funky flip flops,
Loud “T” shirts and skimpily cropped, crop tops,
Knee length shorts, knotted hankies on heads,
Windbreakers, foil barbies and roll up beach beds.
Kids aplenty armed with bucket and spade,
Odour of luncheon meat and egg sarnies being made,
Smoked “Something” on the Barbie….Overdone,
Sun tan lotions, a young one with a chocolate iced bun.
Grockles with cockles, jellied eels, dressed crab,
A day on the beach…..Anything but drab!

Someone tripped on my heart and gave it a poke
the thing was so full of holes that it damn near broke
it was creaking and groaning about to give way
it was listing and leaning and had started to sway
so I held it together till I had thought what to do
Will nails fix it or would it need glue?
So I staggered to the tool box and reached for a vial
It read,'BONDFIX’ will make it fast for a while
so I applied the nozzle right along the seam
I think what that's what directions in Hindi did mean
then I reached for a dressing of elastoplast
but saw that I had glued my fingers real fast
I pushed and I pulled I peered and I pried
but I had managed to glue my digits inside
exhausted with struggling I at last fell asleep
I stayed in this state for over a week
by this time the leaks had weakened the seal
so I yanked out my fingers and had a good meal
the holes though still needed a final fix
So I borrowed a bag of ready cement mix
I mixed it and stirred it and applied it right here
But the texture was wrong and it set in my ear
this was just what I needed twas really swell
I had a heart full of holes and was deaf as well
I had only one solution there was no escape
I had to use a roll of post office parcel tape....