Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

so this is it, i shall try and write some poetry and see how it turns out.
i aint got much else to do, theres nothing much about,
so what on earth can i write about when theres nothing much to say,
i dont know if i am much good at this but i'll try it anyway,
i could write about the weather, or things that are in my head.
or should i just give up, and go straight back to bed.
maybe i could write about what happens when you grow old.
you lose your hair and looks and stuff (well that is what i'm told)
when i was young i remember i had hair as black as soot.
i used to have an athletes body, in fact i still have the foot,
if i write about pretty things it woul seem a bit of a joke'
flowers, animals, and pretty clouds, nah i aint that sort of bloke.
so i may try something else, and if you see me here.
dont just stand there reading this, get me a pint of beer!

Hey, Cowboy!
Hold your horse,
Slow down!
Whattya think,
You'r the only one in the town?


I know I'm a pretty gal
And you wanna take me out.
Whattya gonna impress me with?
Old hat, lonely look
And the boots worn out?


Touch my heart, Cowboy,
Let it sing.
If you can't - get back in the line
Before I sting.

sitting here one night
thinking how to make one fright
i was married one time
house full of kittens
late one night i was well asleep
woke up in a cold sweat you see
the fright came up on to me
but then realized this was just a dream.

layen on my bed
in the moon light
waking up on the dark side
with closed eyes
felt the need to go take a pee
looken for a restroom
but found a bathroom
peeing in a comode
tryen to flush but the water
won't rush
laying in bed
with the sunlight
waking up to the light side
with opened eyes
feeling all wet
oh no i thought that it was just
A dream.

Oh, nothing really..
just sittin' here/
I was thinking/
Well..not really
thinking..but
Well.. you know
what I mean..
At least..well I
guess I'm just sort
of hanging out..
If you don't mind..
I won't take up to
much space...
What's going on
with you?
You don't have to
tell me if you
don't want..
I don't know..
Let me guess..
Uh, You're going
to take a trip?
Mabey you're to
busy to go on a
trip right now..
Are you to busy?
That's ok..
I was just guessing..
But on second thought
I bet you are going
to take a trip..
Yeah, That's it isn't
it!
You're going to take
a trip and you're
going to leave me
home with the dog!
Wait a minute..
I'm getting myself
all worked up over
nothing..
I mean what's a
little trip..
I'm just sittin' here
thinking..
Whew! For a second
there I thought you
were going away and..
Wait a darn blasting
minute!
YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE
A TRIP!!
YOU ANIMAL!!!!!!!!
And leave me with
the dog???
That dog of yours
is a killer!
That dog will eat
me alive!
Yes! That was your plan
all along wasen't it?
You found a boyfriend
in Paris and your going
to lock me up in this
miserable house and
let that crazy dog
chew on my BRAIN!
After all I've done
for you!
I've blead for you..
Scrubbed these floors
of yours until my
bloody knuckels look
like crab claws!
And now you're going
to run off with that
inbread Psycho you met
in that whorehouse in
Paris..
Why don't you just
kill me now you two
dollar street roach!
You never did love
me!
Wait a minute..
Why are you letting
that fool dog in
here?
Helppppppppppppppppppp!

Blithering idiot
Can’t make lawn mower run
The gas? The carburetor?
Don’t know what’s wrong?
I pulled and pulled the cord
Watched as the flywheel spun
Plenty of spark and gas
Still feeling so strong
At last I closed the choke
Gave it one last pull for fun
Oh sure it roared to life
As I glanced at it sidelong

Here I sit stoned out of my mind
I cannot spell I cannot rhyme,
Maybe I should write this poem
Tomorrow or some other time....

There was a man who took the bus,
in order to avoid the fuss
of being stuck in traffic-jams...
but then he just had bags and prams
and people piled on top of him,
while being at the drivers whim-
it felt to him a bit like rape,
as he was squeezed (in sardine-shape!)
into a tin on wheels which went
extremely slowly 'round the bend--
and then inched past the traffic-lights.
The road was filled with epic fights
for parking-spaces: One could see
heroic deeds of bravery.
The air was filled with rising plumes
(like gun-smoke...heavy exhaust-fumes),
while knights in armour wheeled about
in Fords and Nissans. At this rout
the streets were lined with second-hand
car-salesmen: for this merry band
of brothers saw a chance arise
to make a killing. And these boys
were cheering on the combatants-
while at the same time, at a glance
were seizing up the damage done:
Just as in times now past and gone
the undertakers used to measure
the size and shape-- at their own leisure--
of those who did participate
in gunfights- to precipitate
the manufacture and the sale
of coffins. Our man went pale…
And as the bus did slowly rattle
past all the carnage of the battle
(with vultures circling overhead)
the man did watch, and thought he had
quite wisely chosen in the end-
for bags and prams and people tend
to be the lesser evil when
compared with what is outside. Then
he finally did manage to
get off the bus. Well- yes, it's true:
He'd missed his stop two times already,
and so he walked- slowly but steady
a dozen blocks back to his car.
A parking-ticket from afar
he could make out: They clamped the wheels!
He turned quite sharply on his heels-
A dozen blocks he slowly walked
back to the station. He was stalked
by two used-car-salesmen, which he
tried to ignore deliberately;
and with a minimum of fuss
he bought a ticket on the bus
and home he went- where he did find
that he had left his keys behind...

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NOTE: “Sawasdee” means Hi or Hello. (in Thailand)
Now enjoy the poem! (I wish) LOL

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'Sawasdee' everybody, welcome to
Thailand!
Cute Girls and Cool Guys are living in
Thailand!!!

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‘A Land of Smile’, welcome to
Thailand!
What are you waiting for? Please come to
Thailand!!!

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You love to swim, go to the south of
Thailand!
White sands, blue sea, beaches, welcome to
Thailand!!!

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You love cold weather, go to the north of
Thailand!
Yummy delicious foods, welcome to
Thailand!!!

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Single, married, widows, welcome to
Thailand!
Separate, lonely, happy, welcome to
Thailand!!!

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C'mon hurry up baby, please come to
Thailand!
Welcome everybody and I’m going to
ENGLAND!!!

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LOL

May the ghosts
That rise to meet you
Just be the kids
From down the street.

May all the monsters
At your door
Be there to trick-or-treat.

May the eerie glow
You see at night
Be jack o' lanterns grinning..

And, above all,
Hope the day is happy-
Right from the beginning!