Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

turkey dinner roasted feathers
bbq pigs at a weiner roast
captain morgan made me take a P
I didn't know she was under me
taking flight under fire
diving in the ocean
putting out my desires
feeling pressure
with a snake around my leg
splashing arms I'm going down
being pulled to the shore
got a headache gonna lay down
woke up when the sun went down
pounding head stumbling
to a bathroom
captain morgan
making me take a P
you were told
not to play with a hose
in the kid's pool
it wasn't
me who did it see
it was
captain morgan
who did this to me

May she whirl through my front
door with Dorthy's Ruby Slippers..
May Toto finally nail that wicked
old witch..
May the wizzard finally get into
rehab and stop messing with that
smoking skull..
May the cowardly lion go fifteen
rounds with Mike Tyson..
May the Tin Man give Munckin Land
the grease job it so sorely needs..
May the scarecrow be smart enough
not to get burned again..
And this is the last straw..
Someone tell me why it's
taking so long for my pizza to
arrive?

I remember sitting telling stories
Of the ones that got away
The size of fish increasing
With each a passing day

We would start with those
They were five feet long
Too bad the line broke
The fish was too strong

Then there were more
With colors so deep
If you could just reel it in
It would make you weep

One day it came true
The fish it was caught
Four foot and strong
I kid you not!

How can you be closer to God?
How can you be closer to the Sun?
I say to you brothers and sisters
The only way to be closer to our heaven father
Is by being closer to heaven
So that is why I live in Colorado
Where is all the crime?
Where do most of the murders take place?
Places that are devoid of mountains.
Places like Florida, Texas, you know
Flat places like that.
We need to be closer to the sun
And the only way to do that
Is by living at higher elevations.
So I say to you brother and sisters
Go mountain climbing!
Do it today!
What is the most holy country?
Nepal of course
It has Mt. Everest
The closest place to the sun

"... when you know there is disharmony and you hold that ‘knowing,' through your knowing a new factor has come in, and the disharmony cannot remain unchanged. When you know you are not at peace, your knowing creates a still space that surrounds your non-peace in a loving and tender embrace and then transmutes your non-peace into peace...”
TOLLE

Driving in Cyprus is a stressful and harrowing experience. 5/6 of the drivers OBEY NO ROAD RULES, and per capita, as a result, Cyprus has more cripples than any other country on earth, not to speak of an unspeakably high number of road deaths... As a result, when I drive, I find myself cursing quite often. However, I have learnt to do it ‘knowingly’, and that, believe it or not ‘creates a still space that surrounds your non-peace in a loving and tender embrace and then transmutes your non-peace into peace...’ Orwellian double-speak? Perhaps, but, don’t be hasty to judge me till you have driven in Cyprus for a day, what? No, a mere 10 minutes is all it will take to raise your ire!!!
‘...you rat, you almost killed me, you fink, you *&%*$***!!!..., and yes, I’m KNOWINGLY calling you that..., Ok, deep breath, calm down, OOOMMM, and all that jazz... ‘
So, a quick, unequivocal test of your enlightenment is a 10-minute drive through Cyprus, if you can really keep your equilibrium and keep from going from ‘bliss to piss’ in 10 minutes, then, my dear friend, you have made it, you are finally and without doubt an enlightened master..., 3 deep, humble bows to you...,
As for lil-ol-me, sigh, I’m no enlightened master, if I was, would I be driving around Cyprus?
Love and light folks...

The little sparrow pecked
on the window pane
A gold wedding ring
lay on a night stand
No one was home..
Next to the ring lay a
tear stained good-bye
letter
'I don't need you anymore
she wrote..
I feel like a bird trapped
in a cage..
I must be free'
The ring glowed bright in
the morning sun
Facinated with the shiny
ring the sparrow kept
pecking away
There was a hole in the
glass and a small tear
in the screen
He poked his tiny head
through the hole and
lighted on the ring
He snatched the ring up
and squeezed back through
the hole in the screen,
but the cat was waiting
for him and pounced on
the tiny sparrow
The cat dashed off with
feathers in his mouth
and the ring rolled off
the roof
The grounds keeper noticed
the ring lying on the ground
and rang the door bell
Finding no one home he
turned and fell down the
steps banging his head
and killing him instantly
A neighbor ran to the scene
and noticed the gold ring
in the dead mans hand and pryed
it from his cold icy fingers
Thinking he could sell the ring
for good money the neighbor ran
accross the street and got run
over by a bus
The bus broke through the bridge
guard rail and plumeted forty
feet into a gas refinery killing
hundreds
The channel 2 newsman took the ring
from the hand of the man who was run
over by the bus and biting down on
the ring to see if it was real gold
he accidently swallowed the ring
choking himself to death
But the ring..had just begun~

Waters and the wild
he did see a little
special side of our
Poet's Corner and
their history.
He listened quietly
to what they wrote
and made sure that
he would take a note
from time to time.
He tried to stay
quiet and on the
sidelines watching
and listening to all
that is in front of him.
On this site you see that
he could make a long
lifetime close friend
for all eternity.
He felt at home right
here most knew his
poetry was true blue
and definitely sincere.

Down by the river
Along the muddy banks
There lives a hermit
Whose body is quite rank

Should you ever meet him
Make sure you steer clear
For his breath is very deadly
If he ever got near

Let Shakesphere bow before
him or be flogged!
Let he who would take up
pen tremble at the sound
of his name..
Let Romeo confess himself
a stuttering mutant in
light of the Golden Pen!
Let the name of Sir Kickit
be carved on every momument
and on every oblisk..
So let it be written..so let
it be done~

Lover's want presence
and companionship

Away with explanations..

Away with fancy words..

Away with psychological
tricks..

Away with blurred photo's..

Away with futile imaginings..

Away with daydreams without
a face..

Away with bodies that cannot
be touched..

Away with the idealized image..

Away with what could be..

Away with the invisable
scammer..

Away with 19.3 million other
thing's because..

Lover's want presence~