Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

I always felt the lust flowing thru my veins

Talking in my head sometimes driving me insane

It's the power of the road that seems to take hold

It's the wandering bug flowing out of control

I've tried to settle down but found it so hard

Never worrying about what laid ahead for me

Older now with open vision the past is all I see

I've been called a woman of class every entrance a debutante

Been called a hell raiser the devil would fight not to set free

I've long since stopped caring what people had to say

Found it better to live life my own way

My life has been just one big oxymoron stroll

But thru it all I have managed to keep my heart out of the cold

Broken tattered barely beating still....fighting to continue its will.....

Never been my intent to cast harm upon life

But sadly sometimes I was a double edged knife

Never been one to lay with many men

Kept them at a distance made them my friend

So don't mistake my wildness to mean that I am loose

For if you do life will give you a swift kick in your caboose

As I watch you being escorted to our table
I'm no longer able to sit in my chair
I see those other women stare
I don't really care
I'm so excited to see you
I wanna pull my hair
You're the reason I'm here
My you look so Devine
I ordered some red wine
Now I wanna check out your behind
Oh it looks so fine
I wish we had more time
I m gonna make you all mine
Baby I'm gonna take my time
I see you're red
It's okay my love
What a rush I feel
Tell me this is real
As I move in closer
Your scent is like heaven
Tell me do you taste as good as you smell
I'm gonna gently
Nibble on you nice
And Yet very slow
Savor your taste
Mmmmm I think
Im In Love!

When it is my time please place marble stones from head to feet
Also Bring a birthday cake and a circus clown with a trampoline
Have a standup comedian to speak at my eulogy
Surely Dave Chapelle will have me pushing up daisies
Drink a lot of happy sauce and only think of happy thoughts
While playing quarters on my casket and doing crazy body shots
No formal dismal colors come like you're dressed for a parade
To honor those who've passed and with our lives we celebrate
If nothings to be said about the dash between my birth and death
Just know I lived it to the fullest and I always did my best
Im going way beyond the moon further past a trillion stars
To the beginning of forever in a form without my scars
With a pocket full of dreams that I will spread across the skies
As a reminder there is hope and that we''ll never have to say goodbye

~ JJF ~

A million loving thoughts to speak,
Invade my distracted brain,
The content of which I'm bursting to leak,
to The Corner, their patience to drain.

Sometimes I feel they've heard enough,
Of a Love that's still so young,
Though not to express, is ever so tough,
So how can I control my tongue ?

Then it dawned !! the ideal plan,
A sure way to stop me from talking,
And spare all poets from a smitten Irish man,
With his love lines, the corner he's stalking.

Kiss me Odette !!... from your kissing list,
With intensity from one to seven,
Smack me now ! with at least the sixth,
And send my mute tongue to Heaven.

Oh Wow ! my dear you taste so nice,
you've spared the corner from plight,
I can't even ask for a second slice,
But when we break for air, I might !

ROs eS aRe rrED
AN D veeletts ;¿ R bLoW

P e GG y arE purdey.(» ANd
Sew R Su e...to
for 2 b e Sue U 2 . IS
A
BJump Into blue
So!! Go fOr S ue tOO!

PEGGy w e n t HOme 2!&

fish like piranhas
swimming inside
devouring this mind
eating out parts
of a soul

as one hides
in the turtle shell
like a wise
old owl
once said
hoot hoot

laughing within
the owl
was mad
in this head
doing a three
sixty turn

one eighty
each way inside
the yolk
sweetly tasting
going dizzy
humpty dumpty
got back
on the wall
smiling back
to himself

I could be newish or a relic
I could be lost but
I hope I am not just yet
In Queensland's missing list.
One thing for sure
No one will miss me
Once written off
because today
I just realised what I am.
I am a Furniture
Here to stay
From dusk to dawn
Yes, just an ordinary
Ruggedly old furniture...
Without feelings,
without thoughts... Or
Maybe I do
Have feelings
Who knows?
But maybe
Them that own me
Don't think
Much of me
I was acquired
To serve
A specific purpose
To carry heavy loads
Nurture naked torsos
Absorbent for sweaty arms
A catchment area for
Stale spits or drools
No matter the weather or time
A buffer to glaring, blaring
Screens and tubes
As my beloved
Awesome masters
Sleep on me and snore
I hug them bodies to
Keep 'em snug and warm
Cushion their smelly bums
The female burps on me
The male farts on me
While the dog whips me
With chunky stinky tail
Like little and big trumps,
They're spread all over me
I can't wriggle I can't dance
I must remember, remain calm
Let my brain and body freeze
Aww, again I just forgot
Ain't got a brain,
Just a body shaped
By stress and time
A sunken heart,
Weathered and scratched
Limbs and other extremities
Now swollen and inflamed
Still my lips I must keep zipped
My only option?
Oblige or please
My masters' wishes who think
It's okay to just presume
I'm dumbed and deaf, inanimate
I'm just a blimmin' furniture
No heart, no ego to restore
No brain or grey matter at all
just goo, just goo, goo, goo
I'm just a blimmin' furniture...
Not meant to have feelings after all!
Not meant to be counted at all!

I pulled up to the bar leaving my ID in the car
But the bouncer knew me from before and so he let me through the door
I gave him a twenty dollar tip as we proceed to pound our fist
Instantly people crowded my bubble making me feel like the shit
Im single so I mingle but it doesn't stumble any of my my steps
It surely doesn't boost my ego and it doesn't steal my pep
Now I'm in the presence of some old friend introducing me to some new
I bought us all a round of shots in return they bought a few
But after five and six plus the beer I'm getting a little buzzed
Then after nine and ten my beer goggles are looking for someone to love
Thats when I looked up and thought I saw a twinkle in her eye
Or maybe my visions blurry , maybe its the disco ball and the strobe light
The more curious I became the closer I had to get so I could see
She had a face just like an angel and a booty like a peach
Her hair was really long then she stopped dancing to the song
I thought this could be my only chance and at any moment could be gone
As she made her way back up to the bar she smiled back at me
She ordered a fuzzy navel, I said bartender that drinks on me
I pulled up a seat beside her my friend said it looks like you have a live one
Then he and they all started laughing and I said sweetheart please don't mind them
I think I threw out some corny line mixed with how I thought that she was hot
She let out a little giggle, took a drink, and said thanks a lot
By now Im really tipsy and I'm only hoping for a better outcome
My friend said lets go you drunken monkey before you try to kill someone
But as stubborn as I am because her body language was so inviting
That's when I noticed something beneath her turtleneck trying to bite me
So quickly I began to sober as she transformed underneath the neon lights
And that twinkle that I saw was a contact that just fell out of her eye
At first I thought that she was kinky and enjoyed wearing silver leather underwear
But now I'm realizing that its just the duct tape holding up her gear
Now I'm choking on my vomit, is that an adams apple that I see
She said yes my name is Frank placing his hand upon my knee
Quickly I jumped up then my friends laughed and grabbed a hold of me
Was I the punchline of the joke or was the joke that she has pork and beans

Walking out one sunny day
Straight into a full blown storm

I opened the door of were my family dwells
Feeling the full almighty blast of angry yells

Oh boy I was spotted so could not retreat
So, sat still, mouth closed, which I thought was neat

I got that wrong too, as they all turned on me
Spitting angry words, getting it all out you see

Still stum, I got up to move to the door
They blocked my way accidentally knocking me to the floor

Now dam what a mess I was in
I had not a clue about all the din

Then it hit me like a force gail
I had not changed address for my business mail

There by the door a knee high pile
Were all my letters I had not filed

My business was going down the pan
For unanswered mail brought the reaper man

My family rightly upset, trying to cover for me
And where was I, on a shopping spree

All this realization made me very sad
Yes I had behaved very bad

Luckily for me, I awoke from this nightmare
Promising myself to be more family fair

I woke up one morning, the children had flown.
The rooms had echos, laughter and sorrow.
I wandered around empty chambers all through.

I need to know, to see, to feel,
Where did I go, who did I become?

I woke up one morning, the laughter had flown.
The walls were blank, no tears or fears.
I wandered around embracing the quiet.

I need to know, to see, to feel,
Where do I go, when did I choose?

I woke up one morning, smiles so bright.
The decision made, feeling so right.
I wandered around elated all through.

I chose VEGAS baby, what a wonderful gift
I now feel, I now see, I HAPPY with me.