Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

If Superman was fat,
Who would he be?
Maybe a pizza guy,
Or someone like me.

If Superman was sad,
How can we cheer him up?
Maybe bring a circus clown,
Or Morgan special brew tea in a cup.

If Superman was mad,
Who can save us from him?
Can we bring in Danny Davito,
Or me in my kryptonite spandex.

If Superman was a dad,
Won't have time to save the world,
With changing diapers and feeding,
Super babies in his pyjamas.

i just told you something
it was something i wanted to tell you
see i told you something
but since your here
can i offer you some coffee
have some left over from yesterday
just sec i'll warm it up
just have to push down on the toaster
ya coffee in toaster just add bread
you wanted toasted coffee bread didn't you
oh never mind the burnt it'll fall off
it is 2 weeks old. it should be ready
to come right off
oh never mind the hairs just yesterday
i let the dog lick on it to soften it back up
tried to scrap it off but the cat
wasn't too happy cause i tried
using her whiskers.
here you go i picked all the hair off
wiped the slobber off on the floor
it should be ready to eat i'll just
toast it back up with the coffee.
oh don't worry it was no problem
glad i can share with friends.
why you have to leave so soon
you just got here
no it's no problem i have more where that came from
you have your kids in the car
bring them in would glad to say
something to them no just wanted to tell
them something. that's exactly what i wanted to say
was something well if you really sure
we have plenty of room in the attic for all
your kids your welcome too stay a while.
that's too bad sorry too hear about
your cat getting a hysterectomy
well i'll save that toast till next time
you stop by
hope you take care of that cat of yours

While fishing at a pond,
Belonging to a friend,
Summer, late afternoon,
Twas very near day's end.

There came an eerie sound,
A woman's mournful moan,
As if in horrid pain,
It chilled me to the bone.

Looked around behind me,
To where the cry had came,
But nothing did I see,
No villain there to blame.

Climbed up the embankment,
To have a look around.
Scanned the brush most careful,
No damsel to be found.

Called out to the forest,
"Do you need help?" I cried.
Only voice an echo,
Back from the other side.

Darkness was approaching,
I fin'lly walked away.
With that scream still haunting,
Can hear it to this day.

Called my friend the owner,
To tell him of my dread.
He laughed so hard he cried.
"A screech owl!!!"'s what he said.

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If love is blind so why I still can see you so clear?
Love is all around that’s why I always feel you near
Love is when I am with you and that I have no fear
Love is when you make me cry and after that you dry
my tears
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Love is when we fight and love is when we both make up
Love is when I told you “as-hole” and then... you told me
“shut up”
Love is when I dreamed, and I screamed when your face
popped-up (lol)
Love is when I come online, and you come by to say “wazzup?”
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Love is when we are far, and I can kiss you through
the phone
Love is when you listened my songs that I sang out of tune
Love is when you smiled while you're reading this poem of
my own
Love is so sweet and it’s sweeter than ice-cream cone
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Love is like ‘jelly’, it’s still yummy to eat alone :-9
But you have me hunny, you don’t have to eat the 'jelly’ alone
Let’s eat together baby, come and kiss me in love zone
Under 18 year of age, go ahead! leave us alone :"p
I will kiss my sweetie, don’t be envy, you gotta find
your own! (lol)
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MUAHXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CENSOR ^_*

Strange cognitions
Errie night
Bone rattling horror
before my sight
Sweat like an ocean
dripping down my face
'Oh, please deliver me
from this wretched
place!'
I swallow my spit and
stare in awe
That thing will eat me
toes and all
So I summoned the courage
to blow out the candle
I got off my duff and
changed the channel~

I swam the deepest ocean sea.
But there was no frog waiting for me.
So I searched high and low.
But there was no lily pad for me to go.
I cannot believe I braved the waters for this.
And returned home without a kiss.
The little frog that done me wrong.
Well, that's another story not for this song.
Here's a short story link.
Change 4000 pounds to 4001.
To help the other frogs think.
OK my work here now is done.

Six months with out a date
Asked out for Friday
Woooohoooo wont be late

Met at the cozy diner
Shared a meal
Was home again by quarter to nine

Er.....

Did I really shave my legs for this
I wonder what I missed
Was walked to the car without even a goodnight kiss

Those three little words
That woman always want to hear
Men will say be assured
Text, phone,in person when near

Men are reluctant but
Woman use their feminine sigh
Some shake their butt
Some bat their beautiful eyes

Some start with" hun!"
Often the tender ones even cry
Either say them or run
Pressure on or its goodbye

Words we hate, woman doat
We tend to want to discard
Gets caught in our throat
Is that... "Vise or Mistercard?"