Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

You folks have been sworn in and can be seated.

Your contract for babysitting services
have been null and void.
Wipe that silly grin from your face
you’re making me annoyed!

I’ve read you’re statement
now look in my eyes!
I can tell by your smirk
you’ll telling me a LIE!

Based upon the testimony of your witness I can see.
Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

Case dismissed!

Eve: Adam, try some of this fruit. It's delicious!

Adam: No Eve! God told us not to!

Eve: Adam, come on, God's not even looking, he's creating another
galaxy or something.

Adam: I said no, and I mean no. Respect my authority!

Eve: Adam, if you don't eat it then I will be smarter than you, and
that will make you feel dumb, which right now is what you are
if you don't eat the apple. Think of our children,
grandchildren, great-grandchidren, and so on. They won't have
jobs because there will be no clothes to be made because you're
too stupid to realize that being naked is embarrassing. There
won't be any cars, computers, televisions, cell phones, toilets,
airplanes, and cheese in a spray can because you'd rather run
around naked in a garden!

Adam: Just give me the damn thing! Anything to shut you up!
Say you know I like apples from the tree, I like them Eve!
Now get me a fig leaf, I look ridiculous!

Welcome to my world
It's a bit mixed up
I drink my coffee upside
down with a hole in my cup
Nothing seems to go Right
when everything is Left
Every time I do my worse
it becomes my very best
I'm walking out the 'In'
door and falling up into
space
Sometimes I need a rope to
hold me in my place
Oh, well, I guess all is
good, I'll just go back
to bed
Because Friday is Tuesday's
Saturday night and paying
rent inside my head~

Mendacity – its etiology is hard to trace,
Is it endemic to one’s druthers, way or choice?
I’ve seen a pica causing titubant affecting gait
In jaundiced people and in milquetoast of men.

Oh dear poets, do not look at me askance,
I’m kind of lummox, lacking nerve in dorsal trunk,
No bandersnatch of pica taste, oh that's too much,
No, I'm a milquetoast, of somewhat jaundiced kind.

No challenge cosmogonic in its scale
Could ever match this one of Jazzy’s make.
And now the titubant that billows in my head
Leaves me no choice but to ignore in flaxen 'flax'
And quench the smoking flax in a vesuvian rage.

I came
you saw
she went
he left
she knew
he told
they had
she left
he saw
you went
she told
I came
they knew
she was
he saw
they left
you didn't
even know
she was
right

i love wendy not so much denny
i want to eat robin
and ring her bell
but then again it is
sherri i want to masticate
that is to hardy for me to take
i want to smack mac and put
donald in his place.
for it is me who's gonna
go out to find a
marie but have to watch out
for papa john cause he is supreme
for it is colonel sanders
who bows down to the king
but again it is time to eat her taco
for i'll wash it down
with her cola

He wants to do it again, he doesn't know how I feel I'm going insane. What the hell is wrong with him?! He might think that I’m dumb and deaf to let him did it time after time without saying anything.

NO it’s not okay! I won’t take it anymore, though he is my friend and the one I adore, but I have had enough for this thing. Oh my god it’s so frightening! Why do I have to listen to his voice when he sings! (lol)

---

Ref: 'He Thinks' by Pinkpoetress

Wondering how can I explain how I feel
There's just no words because it feels unreal
A warmth in my heart, a stirring unfamiliar
A longing to touch you..to hold you when afar
My mind is flying and yet it's just numb
Words escape me... I just feel so dumb
I want you so much I could just explode
Yet I have to control it til the next episode
My heart pounds whenever I'm near you
I hope you feel likewise but I haven't a clue
To innocently brush you causes static discharge
Want to do something yet my tongues now a barge
God I wish you would just give me a subtle hint
I tripped on my tongue and my arms in a splint
Perhaps Ill say something at the water cooler
Hope you dont slap me if I become a drooler
Per chance I could ask for your phone number
If you give me three fives I guess Ill feel dumber
Ill impress you with a note and a sweet poem
Just hope you dont think then that I'm stoned
Perhaps I can give you a card that says how I feel
Ask you out and then buy you a multi course meal
Perhaps the direct approach is sincerely the best
I'll pretend I am you and You're on the same quest
I'll ask you some questions that could be some fun
Perhaps "I like you immensely. Do you like me hun?"
Seriously contemplating what to finally do and say
You walk to the door and look intently my way
I'm about to speak when a red sportscar pull in
A tall sculputed man attired who'd drink tonic and gin
"Say Bob meet my boyfriend whose name is Pete!"
I slowly slink over meekly for a sad meet and greet

This Poem is for various members of CS that frequent this section, and after a nice email request from Swade777, I accepted the invite to write a little ditty about those members - Enjoy.


Swade777.

Greenfingers Swade,
lives out in the sticks,
not much chance there,
to meet many chicks,

So he came to CS,
and made lots of friends,
maybe an ideal mate?
but that all depends,

Depends if your willing,
to stand his test,
cause this gent deserves,
only the best,
so drop your reserves,
as I can atest,
this grounded man,
is nowt like the rest :-)

---

GNJ4U

Now here is a woman,
I'd get along with fine,
She loves her poetry,
and she loves to rhyme

She enjoys the outdoors,
and likes nature like me,
She is lovely and sincere,
Im sure you'll agree

She works with computers,
so intelligent to boot,
so as we say in Scotland,
"Guys, git yer passports oot!".

---

Grandad

Here is a gent,
that is noble and true,
He's here to meet friends,
but like me and you,

He hope to find more,
his "soul mate" he seeks,
Im sure he will find her,
C'mon CS geeks!

Get writing to this chap,
before he is taken,
by a lucky woman,
who happy he is making

Cause he is a catch,
anyone can see,
He did it wrong twice,
So its time for 3?

I know that sounds bad,
but i must itterate,
that its never easy,
finding a true "soul mate".

---

Freckles123

What can i say,
about Liverpool's best?,
Shes smart and gorgeous,
and not like the rest

She will listen contently,
whenever you talk,
but dont piss her off,
or she's gonna walk

She "wont suffer fools"
and takes no shit,
this may put men off,
ive got to admit

But for the few,
that put in the time,
theres no sweeter prize,
theres nothing so fine

Than the love of a woman,
who knows her heart true,
and still has bags of room,
for someone like you. x

---

thesunandthesea

Sometimes you look,
for all of your life,
and you'll never find someone,
a suitable wife

I know this sounds silly,
i know it sounds trite,
but now i believe,
in love at first sight!

I cant beleive she's single,
whats wrong with some guys?
I still dont believe it,
I must rub my eyes!

Only 2 things to say,
to this beauty so true,
I looked up "Angel" in the dictionary,
and saw a picture of you

But if you dont find "the one"
then thesunandthesea,
its simple,
come marry me :-)

---

Hope you guys enjoyed it. It was fun to write x

There was a bald man from Belize
his dog had a case of the fleas
every itch he would scratch
losing hair in each patch
now they both save on haircutting fees~