Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

Solving world problems can be hard..
It needs some thought...

I have 100.00 to my name..
I need a number to validate my being..
Perhaps I am nostalgic before I was born..

I wish to blog but I can't type anything..
I graduated from a top ten university
but i still have problems getting a girlfriend..

My watch has no touch screen..
Using a key to open my door
is just too time consuming...

My friends owe my money..
but collecting is such a hassle..
my social network is just too social..

I drink wine sometimes..
I would call a cab
but I would actually have to talk to someone..

Shopping for a shirt to fit properly
would mean I'd have to leave my house..lol

There was a blonde woman from Crewe,
who thought she had quite the great clue.
She said, "Yes, I'm quite smart"
I got a great head start
Changed my clock yesterday at 2!"

Spiders is clever see,
Look at this one,
When I calls it,
It comes over ere to me,
Now watch….

I pulls four legs orf one side,
I puts it down,
An when I tells it,
It whizz's roun and roun.
....Amazin!

But no matter how much I shout,
After I pulls em all off,
It just sits there…Does nowt,

It don’t move an inch,
Not west, east, sowf or norf….
Which proves the scientific fact….
A spider goes deaf,
If ya pulls all it’s legs orf!

Do you want me to give you my love?
Yes. Give it to me...
First I would like to ask ...
Any question.
Suppose I knock on your door
I'll let you in.
And if I will cheat on you?
I will forgive .
And if I tell you: die! ..
I will die.
And if there will be a pain?
I will accept it
And if there appears a wall between us?
I will break it.
Still want me to give you my love?
Yes, give it to me
This will never happen!
Why?!
Because I do not need a slave))))

Will you?
When I'm a mere bump
on a log..
When I start wearing green
socks and sit on a park bench
and think the birds I'm feeding
are actually prehistoric beasts
escaped from the land that time
forgot?
When I pour coffee on my pizza
and chant wise sayings to the
fluffy clouds?
Will you love me then?
When I'm 137?

smelly fart talks
in a roaring farting wind
evil farty you made me pass wind
duck and dive
it wasent me it was you
if only the walls could talk
or even echo
someone would have a clue
the horrible smell of it
the truth would say its you
if only we didnt fart
we might get close to perfect
ha ha the stench of it
it was you
i just laughed
i heard farty a blowing
comming down the track
ate to much
was it me
your steam engine works

Is what the doctor described, as me.
I went for a 2nd opinion, to challenge
His hypocrisy.
How dare he say im dysfunctional,
He knows nothing about me.
I know there are some issues,
In my own family.
Like my grandma often runs around town
Completely naked, as we have found.
There is a explanation, you see.
She was a nudist, in the 60's
Who believed in peace, love & unity.

Then there's my brother,
what a cool dude.
He has an "imaginary friend"
who we call "drew".
They often come for dinner, &
hang out with the family
We ask him, when will he ever, get rid of "drew"
Since he will soon turn 52.

My sister, I love her dearly,
has been a career criminal,
Since the age of 13.
The last crime she committed,
was a bit embarrassing,
It seems.
She stole from a homeless man,
to give to, the needy.

The family pet which we named
Sasoon,
That we thought was a cat,
Is actually a racoon.

I could go on about my parent's,
Who've been a role model to me.
Unfortunately they are incarcerated,
In a psychiatric facility.
They will soon be out, though
Locked up since 03.
For public lewd misbehavior,
Just a little discrepancy.

Clinically dysfunctional
No way,
that could never be me.

I had a new crush
It turned to mush
I'm so glad I didn't rush
For you are a lush
Now I'm left feeling blue
Nothing you said was true
You didn't follow through
I can't tell a lie
You took me for a ride
Even hurt my pride
In the end you couldn't pretend
Last night my phone rang
It was your girl friend
On the other end
I don't think she was looking
To be my friend
When she told me
You lived with she
I laughed so hard
I thought I was gonna pee
For you are nothing
But a wee of a man

Lifes paths scatter
some going uphill
others down the dale
they twist and turn
one turns left
the other right
will they meet?
who can say
stand at a folk
look each way
which is easy?
one sure to be hard
the choice is ours
so how to decide?
maybe shut your eyes
spin round and round
then giddy step forward
one thing is sure
no matter which
still you will arrive

He said: ---.-..-...?
She said:..-.--...-.Maybe
He: ----.-...-..-...-..Really?
She: --.-.-.-.--..Yes!
He: --.......-.--.-Wow!