Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

MEOW!

events of the last few days
still tender to my heart
a tragic turn for i should have known
I must inform you
I can no longer
write poems
my writing days is comen to an end
I will explain but
can we have a moment and remember
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thank you my friends
for this moment
now i'll explain
events last few days
as your aware
my pencils are at the breaking point
so they have all snapped
they are all mad
cause they are labeled
number 2
so i can no longer write
from now on
all my poems will be




TYPED

Purring whirring whirling soaring
throttles open engine roaring
large as rat, well mouse
no, big as van, as house
alone in house no spouse
approach with caution, make tea
hell its moving, ok plan B
ring male friend
sunday, foot ball on a bend
phone ringing no reply
helpless useless start to cry
takes off suddenly upwards shifting
still for a moment then lifting
call dog to help
backs off with yelp
sets off again buzzing nearer
from behind the curtain silhouette clearer
at top of curtain, powerful, smirking
moving surreptitiously, ominous lurking
Give in, genuflect and pray
if there is a God then make it go away
no? started praying to late?
give in to fear, capitulate..evacuate.


I'm going, if don't meet again, nice knowing.....

Where am I? I don't know who
I am..
I bumped my head on a wall
and after that my whole life
was erased my memory
They told me to write on
this site in hopes it would
jar my memory
They told me that I wrote
poetry and that there was
a woman who lived in
a Bamboo cage who
had my phone number
They said she wanted
to lay a frying pan
upside my head
Why?
Did her mother
Report me to
the police?
My roommate said
that I was an
astronaut and
I was living on
a horse farm
My doctor told me
not to believe
what my roommate
said
I took a walk in
the woods and
stood there until
a moose told me
to go back
home
I think I am
confused
Have you seen
me before?
Did my country
send me to the
planet Mars?
I don't know
I voted in this
last election but
the countries
government said
that my vote didn't
count because I
was not allowed
to vote for
a fly
I need help
Call the doctor
if you recognise
me
They said I live
in a house that's
down the street
And could you
please buy me
a chili dog?
Yours truly,
Limbo man
Lol.

Only in a horror flick could you see titties in outer space
I guess its the only way to sell a movie not the killers giving chase
Not the story behind the giant leprechaun or the man behind the mask
But the thirty something year old teens who love to show off all their a**
And everyone should know to follow the rules if you want to live
So I simply avoid going in the woods and staying in a creepy a** cabin
Stereotypically the first to go is the one African American
Then the guy who investigates that sound is usually one of many Caucasians
The Asians have the wrathful ghost who probably died from suicide
But everyones gets eaten by a horde of zombies who walk slower than an apple pie
And don't forget the idiot who said that he'd be back
While the other pragmatic morons try to rationalize their unusual mishaps
Seemingly theres an urban myth a lesson to not go against the grain
Like doing drugs and drinking and all the "do not's" our parents say
Therefor I'll always leave the car running even if its over night
So I don't drop my keys while frantically trying to get inside
And I will attend an AA meeting before a weekend spent at summer camp
Then satisfy my urges by watching late night Skinimax
And only hang with Hispanics, because with any other race Im surely doomed
But clearly Im always thinking that I'll only have to outrun you
And if or when the killer comes I will quickly put a bullet in it's head
Than chop him up in tiny pieces to make sure the f**kers dead
But as corny as they may be I will alway be their biggest fan
Nothing like a horror movie especially when they make me laugh
~ JJF ~

Sorry to wake you at such an
early hour, but I stepped outside
my spaceship to repair a leaky
hose and I severed my lifeline on
a sharp edge.
Now I'm just floating 200 miles above
the earth. It's a spaceship I threw together
in my garage made of trash cans; a bunch
of propane bottles, and whatever I could
scrounge up at the hardware store.
My mother-in-law wanted me to take her
for a spin around the Milky Way so I
strapped her in a blasted off immediately.
You can understand my enthusiasm.
Now she's holding up a sign in the lil
round porthole window. It reads: 'I told
ya I'd get even!' She even drew a lil smiley
face..Now, that' cold.lol.
Please send help.

There is me... and only me...
In this world of poetry,
In the crystal fairy tale of life
I am the brightest star.
The ground is slipping from under my feet
The stars are spinning in time with the breath ...
The stream of my words is flowing,
Massaging my inflated ego .
My soul is flying with delight
In the clouds.
Unplayed love motive
Gives birth to my poems...
Ah ,I love myself so much
Always –
There are no other important words
For now ...
Like a mosaic of feelings
Through the years
I will write down my name in the dawns

Do not write a poem,
when silent speak in silence.

Do not feed the demons,
biscuits and watermelons.

Do not say to sitting ducks,
that they're fierce dragons.

Do not give lame excuses,
to play with trolls and maidens.

Do not kiss and tell,
Venus you want more.

Do not speak in riddles,
when fools are in the middle.

Do not break q promise,
to bring joy and smiles to all.

Do not leave without q comment,
or I'll call mum to shoot you!

If I were you
I would probably cry a lot
Because of the pain in the world
And the wickedness of men.
I would whisper quietly
You are mine

If I were you
I would surrender to happiness
Tearing apart the stereotype
I would joke and laugh
In the heat and rain
Repeating every day
You are mine

If I were you,
I would write a poem
To give beauty
To those who are blind
I would be sure you can hear me.
because you are mine ...

If I were you
I would visit all the countries in the world
To send you photos of the mountains, seas and oceans
And the surf would whisper affectionately
You are mine

If I were you,
I would become friends with me
And inspired by fantasies
I would appear at your life’s end page
As an epilogue
Whispering you are mine

If I were ... Wait!
Tell me
Who are you?
Inspire me with your destiny and
Your soft song of notes
Do not be afraid, just be yourself!
Then I would become ... yours

Or mind games, land mines and bad wine
Stand in line, money's fine and Francinestein
I don't think so's and "baby don't you know?"
Keep a straight face. Learn to eat crow
There was the lady that was totally fridgid
The large bossomed dame called Bridgit
A woman who checked my car before me
A female that would argue over what we see
A lady who said "we cant do this anymore"
When I asked her what she got really sore
Im still trying to figure out what "this" was
Asked another lady and she said "just because"
Oh yah and the one that got really weird
Tried to find out what was wrong as she sneered
A sweet lady that turned out to be a drunk
The lady that thought every man was a hunk
A large lady that would have cracked had she smiled
A nice red haired lady that I like but dissappeared
The one that only looked like her picture after 6 beers
One that I couldn't understand because of tears
Then the broad that wanted me if I were rich
Also one that was haughty and a right ....gllllitch!
One stood me up but apologized really politely
Thought she was nice until I found it was nightly
Are there any nice sane and sweet woman out there?
Because if there is know I am a guy that would care